EWH3 Hash Trash #949: Silly Hat Trail

When: June 2, 2016

Where:  McPherson Square Metro (Orange / Blue / Silver Line)

Hares:  Happy Poo Year, Maybe Its Gaybelline, Mouthful of Clam, It’s Not Cocket Science, and C-42O

Virgins:  Just Allison, Just Tara, Just Fiona, Just Tucson, and Just Lauren


  • Midget Digit – Emerald Coast H3, Fort Walton Beach, FL
  • Harry Hamlet – London H3
  • Undercover Jerker – Carolina Larrikins
  • Cleavage To Beaver – Ben Franklin Mob H3, Philadelphia
  • Free Mustache Rides – Big-Hump H3, St. Louis

On-After:  RUMORS

It was a hot and sticky night in downtown DC as the pack ran through a lot of alleys and across a remarkable number of busy streets.  We ran through parks and GW’s campus, and I was extremely disappointed that we didn’t go into any frat houses.  Alley game was strong and we had successful beer check and end circle with no interruptions, but definitely amused some service works on their smoke breaks.  Weed smoke.  That shit was dank.  Also, there was a really scary moment where I thought my shorts might be shorter than Diddle Her On The Roofie’s, but we good.

Kudos to Brew Crewers DADS and Texas Hold Him, and well as our lovely Beer Bitch Just Shannon.  Circle was led by All Flash No Drive, bouncy and exuberant as ever.

The pack didn’t laugh at my Ministry of Silly Walks reference because y’all are a bunch of culturally illiterate ingrates.  Also, many silly things were done on trail.  Read on, dear friends!


  • The pack ran past some sort of White Party / Prom / Wedding on K Street. I pointed to my tuxedo t-shirt and asked if I could attend because I was appropriately dressed.  Issues and Tissues yelled “I’m white, can I cum?!”
  • Manned Parenthood got lost on his way to start circle. He insisted it’s because there was no statue in Franklin Square, when in fact, there definitely is.  Apparently he wouldn’t know it if a big metal man if it hit him in the face. That’s not what I heard…
  • Just Anthony tried to lead the pack into traffic, demonstrating knowledge of a cardinal rule of hashing: if you don’t have enough time, try to force everyone in anyway.
  • While Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock’s beer hat got wet and floppy on trail, Tuck Tuck Deuce’s beer hat stayed upright the whole time, leaving me quite concerned. At his age, once you exceed 4 hours erect, you should definitely seek medical attention.
  • Jizzdom Tooth, Squirtle, Just Tara, and Just Christina survived getting backed into an alley between a wall and a dumpster by Osama Bin Hashing. Carry on, brave harriettes!
  • The hares laid a raceist trail. It was so racist that the only times we stopped running on that long ass second half were when we were waiting on a street corner for the white man to tell us it was ok to go.

And, we had a very solemn occasion… a NAMING!!!!  Just Leah is from San Francisco and went to Tufts three times!  She learned ball juggling at circus camp from a clown named Wavy Gravy and started dating 27 year olds from all over the world when she was just 13 years old.  She once dressed as a Zombie Bride while showering with a fifty year old man named Jesús.  Just Leah’s proudest moment was the night she came 7 times!  Wow!  There were a few contenders like The Old Man And The Semen and The Gathering Of The Juggal-Hos, but henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing, Just Leah shall be known as The Greatest Ho On Earth!

On – wanna see how many hashers we can fit in my clown car? – on,

Stain Gretzky