EWH3 Hash Trash #954: Birthday Party In The USA Trail!!!

When: July 8, 2016

Where:  Waterfront Metro (Green Line)

Hares:  Vaginal Countdown, Schrodinger’s Cock, Quantum Whizics, Deathly Swallows, Fist Pump, and Just Kory

Virgins:  Just Paul, Just Aaron, Just Will, Just Philbrick (?!), Just Sarah, Just Ice, Just Angie


  • Butt Cherry Poppins – Rubber City H3 (Akron, Ohio, the dirty 330!)
  • Just Zayn – Great Falls (fuck that guy for leaving One Direction)

On-After:  Cantina Marina (and the kitchen was closed by the time I got there and that was BULLSHIT bc I was hangry for nachos)


  • Blow Re Me and Head Shart had a touching reunion.   Because they fell on the ground and groped each other.  Acceptable hash behavior!!
  • Just Daniel fucks girls he meets in church camp and spends some “alone time” thinking about them. Most guys use a sock, but he uses a white bucket hat, which he brought on trail.
  • Just Katie was caught scraping dog hair off her tongue from an encounter with Seymour. If you wanted to lick a hairy beast JewCockA, Sphincter Shy, and Shetland Blow Me would all have been happy to oblige.  They are hirsute AF.
  • Deathly Swallows led the walkers out on trail in the wrong direction. Even though we hared trail together out of the same spot THREE WEEKS AGO.
  • Just Aaron found a neck pillow on trail – trail treasure! He proceeded to wear it in circle, showing off the stains it came with.  You know how I feel about stains…  ::heart eyes emoji::
  • Urine Grande Trouble left trail to help a little old lady get into her apartment with her groceries. Ah yes, the classic beginning of my favorite porno.

And finally, somebody got on their knees for Vaginal Countdown’s birthday – we had a NAMING!!!!  It was a very solemn occasion for Just Kory, alumnus of Penn State and former coworker of Schrodinger’s Cock.  Just Kory got a concussion the night he lost his virginity, and one time in Nashville it was so hot he pooped himself.  He hates poor people and took drugs from a stranger at the Baltimore Grand Prix.  He and his buddy Todd touched tips over the fire for $20, but they only got $5 and spent it on Taco Bell.  Suggestions included 20 Bucks is 20 Bucks, Todd’s Rod, and Thanks for the Mammaries, but something something butt stuff and gooey marshmallows in dicks holes or something…. Henceforth and forever more throughout the world of hashing, Just Kory shall be known as S’MORES.

On – tuna’s always on sale at this fish market – on,

Stain Gretzky