EWH3 Hash Trash #962: The Scare Tourists Trail!

When: August 18. 2016

Where:  Farragut West Metro (Orange / Blue / Silver Line)

Hares:  I’m Tho Thor, Bless Me Father for I Have Rimmed, Tuck Tuck Deuce, Sphincter Shy, Whoregon Trail, Don’t Ask Don’t Smell, and Red Vag of Courage

Virgins:  Just Ashley, Jordan, Sam, Sarah, Shelley, and Andrew


  • Mexican Humping Queen – Boston H3
  • Peppermint Pussy – homeless (boo)
  • General Ass Pounder – Gainesville Area Thirsty Runners H3
  • Penis Williams – Southern Atlanta
  • Sugar in the Tank – transplant!! (yay)
  • Senior Sodomizing Slut – Okinawa (? That’s not what he said but I’m hard of hearing and racist)
  • Too Easy – transplant… from Abu Dhabi!

On-After:  The Exchange.  Probably some cool stuff happened but I was busy feasting on chips that were mine, NACHOS!!


  • Dial F for Faggot gave me a big hug at start circle and told me I smelled good. Then he said “oh wait, maybe that’s just this garbage can over here.”
  • Just Cara forgot that the Hash O’Limp Dicks was last weekend and fell on her face in the grass in front of the White House attempting to hurdle a barrier.
  • The hares came prematurely in the wrong alley, there was no lubrication, and all I had to quench my thirst was a bunch of dudes doing yoga in a circle… yeah, on second thought, I’ll take it.
  • Brokeback Mama started his new job as a respiratory therapist and apparently he’s got a full load! On behalf of all harriettes, thanks for teaching dudes how to blow properly!
  • Before trail, Schrodinger’s Cock ran away from a harriette’s boobies. That is NOT acceptable hash behavior.

And then, we had a very solemn occasion…. A NAMING!!!!!

Meet Just Shannon!  She works for the Small Business Administration, is a proud George Mason Patriot, and was in a sorority, woo drinking!!!  Her worst alcohol related crime was puking in a sorority sister’s bed from drinking too much jager, but her worst hangover was from Burnett’s Vanilla Vodka.  The meanest thing she’s ever done was curb stomp a girl while watching 101 Dalmatians.  Her sexual spirit animal is a unicorn because she’s always horny, and she would totally have sex with a goat.  Even though if she had $100 she’d spend it on Indian food, she has a really intense Asian porn fetish.  Some great suggestions included 101 Dumb Asians, American History Sex, and Anger Twat.  But henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing, Just Shannon will be known as… General Tso’s Dicken!!

On – they definitely let me into the bar with no shirt on – on,

Stain Gretzky