EWH3 Hash Trash #963: The Super Sweet 16 Trail!

When: August 25, 2016

Where:  Georgia Avenue / Petworth Metro (Green / Yellow Line)

Hares:  Mambo # Hives, Rosetta Bone, Jew-Cock-A, Head Injury, and Just Brie

Virgins:  Justs Cara, Susan, Ashley, Andrew, Catherine, Meredith, Allison, Bill, Britt, Amber, Sean, Danny, and Trail Treasure Steve!

Visitors:  Back Door Steward, Yes We Cane!, and that dude from Brussels with the hairy butt crack that I just could NOT understand his name, nor could I track him down later to ask, AND THAT’S WHY WE WEAR NECKLACES, KIDS!

On-After:  Homestead, and their kitchen closes at 10, and therefore they are on my shit list

Thanks to All Flash, No Drive for presiding over circle, Just Duc for beer bitching, and Happy Poo Year and Pooples Mountain Majesty for brew crewing!


  • The Greatest Ho On Earth was wearing a flowery and flowy dress on trail. At beer check, she collected an audience to air out her circus tent, trying to see just how many clowns she can fit in her Nuva-Ring circus.
  • Jew-Cock-A said “there’s some part of me that just really wants to do it in the playground.” Mazel tov, today you are going to make somebody a man.
  • The Brew Crew demonstrated that they don’t know how to give a quality reach around to Scrotal Recall, so we all had to wait an extra 30 minutes to pry open her back door.
  • Maybe It’s Gaybelline was using the same phone he had when he was 16. It has a slide out keyboard, but we know he was just tryna slide it in.  He told everyone to do it “gently” but we know he a FREAK.
  • The hares led us through so many alleys with stained, dirty mattresses I’m pretty sure somebody is still mad about how they lost their virginity during their best friend’s Sweet 16.
  • And, my dad, for getting me a black hard top Audi for my birthday when HE FUCKING KNEW I WANTED A RED CONVERTIBLE ONE THIS IS BULLSHIT I HATE YOU YOU RUINED MY BIRTHDAY *Gaybelline scream*

And apparently we were disturbing the Old Folks’ home Tuck Tuck Deuce’s early bed time, so we had to skedaddle to the bar, but STILL missed the kitchen closing.  #hanger

On – Tiaras ‘n’ Tuxedos – on,

Stain Gretzky