EWH3 Hash Trash #969: The Nine Hundred 69th Trail!!!

When: October 6, 2016

Where: Ballbuster from Silver Spring Metro Station (Red Line)
              Regular Trail from Archives-Naval Memorial-Penn Quarter Metro Station (Yellow/Green Lines)

Hares:  Ballbuster: All Flash No Drive, Whiskey Business, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, I’m Tho Thor, and Chip Off the Old Cock
             Regular: Cum Dumpling, Head Injury, Brokeback Mamma, and a mystery hare!

Virgins:  Justs Dave, Dan, Tyler, Anton, Evan, Allie, Alison, Trent, Jamie, Elissa

Visitors: Uncle Bad Touch, Fort dixalot, Ben, Indiana, Honey hands, Jiggly tits, Queer Near, Pat lovin, Ducky, Penis Head, Imagine my Erection, Easy Bake, Shitty Kitty core four, Takes it in the assburger, Mamwhich, Cat woman, Pretty pretty Pittsburgh (and probably others who’s name I couldn’t make out)

On-After: Kelly’s Irish Times

Trail was… well there were two of them!  Lots of whinging from the Ballbusters that they got lost, but whatever – they found beer.  Regular trail was scenic, long, and… I have no idea.  That’s what roadies are for.

Circle was loud, boisterous and super entertaining – mostly because you wankers did some stupid things.

  • A harriette on trail speaking to UBT was heard to say: “You can edge it all you want, just don’t stick your finger in it!”  UBT’s response to said harriette: “You just have PTSD from the UBT poking.”  Don’t we all?
  • Cum Brew Lay was violated for using an iPad on trail for Pokémon.  Seriously.
  • Kibbles n Tits was violated for exclaiming, after an FRB ran the pack into an alley, found bad trail, came back to the groans of disappointment, “That’s what it’s like to be rejected” – almost as confident as UBT!
  • Tragic for having “The Eye of the Tiger” (it was his shirt – you had to be there), except then he was afraid on walker’s because of “the trees and lightposts.” Direct quote.
  • Issues & Tissues was violated for yelling “Here comes the Poop!” as YCHPoop came into beer check.  She then insisted he tell the following joke:
    • What’s wrong with 6.9?  It’s a 69 that a period got in the way of.
  • Roll Over, Bitch! reassured everyone who was complaining about running up hills that they would be happy when it’s over.  I bet that’s what he tells Kooter Kunte in bed.
  • Just Duc tries to pick up straight women in gay clubs, but said that sometimes that backfires.  But does it really?  Everybody knows all mouths feel the same in the dark.
  • Just Britt tripped over a park bench and went down face first.  That’s not a violation!  Around here, we appreciate it when the harriettes go down!
  • 3 Holer smelled fish in an alley and his first impulse was to make sure that everyone else got some too – how generous!
  • St. Pauli’s Girl admitted for the first time ever that he wasn’t actually sure if it was supposed to go back in or not.
  • The hares are the only ones that actually ran the whole trail.  11 mile group tempo run, anyone?

And now Stain Gretzky will tell us about a very solemn occasion… a nnnnnaaaaaminggg!!!  Say hello to Just Allison H!  She grew up in Fairfax and went to the University of Southern Cocks.  Go Gamecarolinas!  When she was 15 her mom drove her to give a BJ.  On her Birthright trip she got high with the owner of the club, danced on a table, and made out with a female IDF soldier.  She also did crystal meth at a bar in Shaw and went to work drunk.  Shewatches tv while her boyfriend goes down on her and one time she nearly got arrested for possession, but somehow got away with it.  Blow jobs?  Probably.  Definitely blow jobs.  Some great suggestions for names included Robbin The Dreidel, Mazel Cocks, Chai on Life, and The 6 Day Whore.  The pack went all in with the Jew jokes, and because she spent a weekend hiding in the attic of her sorority house, please say hello to Anne Stank!!!!!  (if you can find her…)


C. Damage & Stain Gretzky