When: October 20, 2016

Where:  Ballston-MU Metro (Orange / Silver Line)

Hares:  Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, Yariben, Kibbles n’ Tits, Fish n’ Tits, and Dildo Shaggins

Virgins:  Julianna, Matt, Bill and Steve (who couldn’t figure out at the beginning of trail if he was a virgin or not – not that I’m slut shaming or anything!)

Visitors:  again, no one!  Do I have B.O. or something?

On-After:  World of Beer, doyyyyyyy

International Sanctions:

  • We celebrated two major peace treaties:
    • Roll Over, Bitch! and Tuck Tuck Deuce had a forced hug-détente in circle after trying to violate each other for not being able to count. Sorry darlings, you can’t both be right. Now kith.
    • Shetland Blow Me and Bow Chicka Bow Bow had a sexy beard summit in the middle of circle and a large number of member nations came.
  • Atari 6900 was running all over the parking deck like an off-brand Spiderman – jumping over low barriers and freerunning support columns in what can only be described as soft core parkour.
  • The hares laid so many tit checks that we suddenly realized that the key to world peace is not beer, but, in fact, boobs!
  • And, we celebrated my favorite season – fall! Not only is the season of my birth, flannel shirts and scarves, apple picking, and pumpkin spiced lattes, but Kindergarten Cock finally puts a shirt back on.

So we were gonna have “solemn” occasion but then shit got real and we had to sing Kumbaya with some strippers and I went home and was sober and didn’t even eat any of those Halloween Oreos that I impulse bought last week.

On – still on drugs – on,

Stain Gretzky