When: December 29, 2016

Where:  Clarendon Metro (Orange / Silver Line)

Hares:  Bumspringa, Yariben, Cock-A-Thong, Bring’Em Hung, and Juan in a Million

Virgins:  Just Leecy, Just Stephen, The Other Just Stephen

Visitor:  White Girl Waste (Aloha!), Tuna On Top (East Bay H3)

On-After:  The Continental

Violations

  • Dial F for Faggot started giving free crotchety old man tours of Court House while on trail. Dial F is so old that when he lived there, Pier 1 Imports was just a pier.
  • Texas Hold Him and Diddler On The Roofie got so thirsty that they tag-teamed Scrotal Recall’s gaping back door.
  • Cock-A-Thong fulfilled her dream of being a genuine white suburban mom by using her stroller to carry a shit ton of booze. Mostly pink wine.
  • The hares missed an important opportunity by running the pack through a park managed by Monday Properties with nary a chance for wanking.

And, we closed the year out with a very solemn occasion… A NAMING!!!!  Just Danny went to UVA and now he works for the Trade Association Airports Council.  The drunkest thing he ever did was get blackout on whiskey at Foxfield at 12:30pm and wake up 14 hours later with blood all over his pillow.  Apparently there was an altercation with a fence and now he’s got a scar on his eye a la Scar.  He loves bonobos because they have casual gay sex and prefers daddys when he’s on the hunt for internet porn.  Some strong contenders included The Lion Queen, Long Shit The King, and I Pity the Stool, but because his proudest moment was shitting in the air conditioner of the meanest guy in his frat, henceforth and throughout the world of hashing, Just Danny will forever be known as Poops!… I Did It Again.

On – successfully achieving my goal of staying drunk until 2017 – on,

Stain Gretzky