EWH3 Hash Trash #996 Spring Has Sprung (Early)

When: 6:45 PM Thursday March 9th. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Dupont Metro

Hares: By the Power of Gayskull, St. Pauli’s Girl, Lickthyologist, Roll Over Bitch, Kooter Kunte, and You Sucked my Battledick

Virgins: Just Sarah, Just Kelly, Just Nicole, Just Ryan, Just Sadie, Just Daniel

Visitors: Puddle Kisser, Cums in Quarts, Goes Down Dirty, Enie Mire Weather Goddess

On-After: Recessions


One of our virgins, Just Ryan, was invited to the Hash by Rosetta Bone yet failed to inform her that he was cumming. How rude!

Just Mike decided to hash for a second time, a move that confused the many believers who thought they were witnessing the second cumming of Christ. For sure Just Mike must be the son of God.

After cumming out of the woods Polly Wanna Crack Whore expressed surprise that he hadn’t been hit in the face with a wooden branch. You know what I say, folks: everyone deserves a night off.

Nobody Puts Gaybe in a Corner and Sphincter Shy were overheard on trail discussing poking each others heads and measuring shafts. Whoregon Trail volunteered to be the judge of what would surely be the saddest show on Earth.

Chicks Ahoy, Lickthyologist, Just Mark, and Just Leslie, or better known as the Birmingham AL fire hose brigade, were violated for wearing racist attire.

And there was the naming of Just Danny. Our wayward youth was born in South Carolina though he’s no southern gentleman. A proud Clemson Tiger, Danny works at a left leaning think tank. He lost his virginity at 17 to a bipolar fling who eventually became his lover. After the two broke up (due to her mental illness) she reached out to Danny in tears re: her physically abusive boyfriend. Danny responded with laughter and hung up the phone (meanest thing done to date). His favorite bear is the Syrian Brown Bear, drunkest episode came from a gin bucket, and wouldn’t mind having bright purple hair. Hashers nominated the likes of Domestic Smilence, Screws Nuts & Bolts, BroZac, and Freudian Slit. However it was Close Your Eyes & Hope for the Breast’s hommage to Danny’s first love and love of the Syrian Ursus that won the most hearts, and our southern scoundrel shall forever be known as Bipolar Bear.


And from there the Hash went in peace to drink.
On – Wait Wait – on