EWH3 #1038: The Third Anal Ugly Sweater Trail
When: 6:45 PM Thursday November 30, 2017
Where: Eastern Market
Virgins: Andrea, Rashid, Odin
Hares: Head Injury, A Midsemester Night’s Cream, Cheech & Dong, Issues & Tissues, La Gingeracha, and Rosetta Bone.
On After: Trusty’s
Did you know that male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, but female reindeer don’t? So that ugly sweater you have of humping reindeer is a whole lot kinkier than you thought. And Thursday is your chance to wear it! That’s right, for the third year in a row, we are giving you the chance to wear your tackiest, ugliest, or most hideous holiday sweater on a winter wonderland romp through the wilds of Capitol Hill!
This week’s theme: PUSSY!!!
L’Hymen found a cat on trail*. Who was the first person she decided she needed to show it? Little boys!!
Stain Gretzsky, failing to remember the last time she saw a good dick, tripped over a dead squirrel and shrieked (I can only assume out of excitement) because she thought it was a penis.
Red Dong taught us all what NOT to wear by sporting my grandparents’ favorite footwear: socks n’ sandals.
THE HARES were violated because after the pack ran past a stray toilet, we realized even the hares knew this would be a shitty trail.
Blows a Tranny and Cum Dumpling both learned a good lesson on trail: They are neither hard core nor able to parcore.
Auto Von Gismark, in a German haste, ran through a red light, inciting an angry vehicle to honk at him. I know he’s homesick, but that doesn’t make trail the autobahn.
General Tso’s Dickens decided she needed to show EVERYONE her pussy!!! Too bad it was just boobs.
Just Gorgi was roommates with Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock and Whiskey Business. Need I say more?? Well, if you insist….
Just Gorgi is a pro cycler who’s really into spandex. He is a George Washington University grad, and even does something with numbers for GW, but STILL doesn’t know their mascot (something about a colonial hippo??). If he could have a threesome with ANY two MARVEL characters, he would choose DC’s Batman and Wonder Woman. After spending his adulthood searching for “fuck” on PornHub, the best he was able to do was finger a girl on the metro…UNTIL he woke up in Twinkle’s bed, naked, with a receipt stuck to his ass. Thankfully, Twinkle did not get pregnant. Names like Finger Tracking, Faptuary, and Checks and Bare Asses were thrown out, but ultimately, the crowd decided that Gaybelline needed to be someone’s daddy and now we shall call just Gorgi: Edward SissyHands!!
On—why didn’t i wear a lighted sweater —On