EWH3 Hash Trash #1005: Anal Mountain High Enough Trail! April 27th – Van Ness

Virgins – Just Michael, Just Katie, Just Becca, Just Alyssa
Visitors – Jiggle Tits, Spread Eagle Scout Master, Just John, Phallus Down the River, Down Down in Diapers Hole
On-after – Guapos
Welcome to Montana. Where the men are cowboys, and the women are also cowboys because gendered occupation names were outmoded in 1864, when the Montana Territory was created. Montana, home of the famous “All-Nighter Head of JFK”, a bust of our late party-president looking rougher than Homo on the Range after the 2017 Prairie Hand spinners Fiber Fest in Billing, MT. He heard he was going to be spun like a top, but didn’t expect so many people to ask to see his spindle.
Bowser Ronaldo is 2017’s version of All-Nighter JFK.
Montana has given us some wonderful hashers, and also the greatest girls basketball team of 1904. Said of the monument to this feat: ” A big arch proudly announces that the team was 1904 World Champions, which, technically, they were.” This reminds me to congratulate Cheech and Dong on her ball eating win at Testy Fest. If only the balls consumed occurred during the eating competition and not while judging the Big Balls contest.
Violations:
FukuShemale – Heard there was someone else wearing an inflatable T-Rex costume and said “I must fight him.” Well, it was a lady, and you’d still lose.
  • Sphincter Shy and Hercu-Please – were running through Howard’s campus shirtless in some very short shorts and some frat douche yelled “Y’all are gay!” Herc looked at Sphincter and said, “Do you think it’s the glitter?”
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce – overheard at Beer check giving advice on having a slender arm in photos. Step one: start with Tuck’s skeleton arm
  • Homo on the Range regaled this scribe with a story about a Montana man who survived a bear attack by shoving his arm down it’s throat to gag him. If Homo ever needed a bear without a gag reflex, he knows where I am.
  • Chokes One Out – admitted to being a person who defriends people on their birthday to soften the blow. 1) they don’t get a notice, 2) what a shitty present: “this is the last perfunctory, half-hearted happy birthday post you’ll get from me!”, and 3) that’s an amateur move since the best practice is to unfollow them, in case their lives turn into complete garbage and you want to go back and revel in it.
  • Mouthful of Clams – after partaking in the whiskey shot check couldn’t get up the bank so asked to be boosted from behind. I too sometimes ask for rear-assistance when the whiskey impacts my ability to get it up.

We laughed, we sang, and we didn’t like anyone enough to learn more about them. Everyone took Lookout Pass to Guapo’s, because there is never a bad time for a margarita.

On – Born to be Badlands – On

Texas Hold Him