When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 21st, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!
Where: Tenleytown Metro (Red Line)
Hares: Head Injury, Cheech & Dong, Please Step Away from the Whores, Quid Pro Blow, Vaginal Countdown, and Just Tamara.
Virgins: Justs Carl, Eugene, Jewel, Rick, Lauren, Mitchell
Visitors: Uniform Pussy Service, Betty Cocker
If we hashers have offended,
Drink and sip, ’til all is mended,
As you have all stumbl’d here,
Your scribe will jest to earn her beer.
It was a magical, fantastical, literary, heathenous Midsummer evening! Marking the longest day of the year with revelry is a time-honored practice that we either appropriated and collectively shat upon or upheld in modern style, take your pick.
The ceremonies were initiated by the traditionally incomprehensible ravings of an excitable old man: Dude, That Guy handed out various Tour duh Hash vestments and sacred relics without much explanation but with much ballyhoo. The Mismanagement of Hangover Hash, who elected him to this duty, was duly exhorted to take note of the lessons of WIE Weekend, where everyone learned #neverdude.
The Hares did a suspiciously good job of providing sylvan glades, glowing pixies, teeny bunnies, and even deer. They came crashing back to full hash form by failing to provide a whimsical sprite, Puck, and instead cursed us with the irascible gnome, Tuck. Meanwhile, Traylor Swift practiced her Disney princess/creepy woodsman routine by stalking the local wildlife. It is unclear whether she was trying to befriend them, taking over L’Chymen‘s schtick as resident coercive-snuggler-of-unwilling-fauna, or if she planned to cut out a heart and present it to a narcissistic sorceress queen. Wow. That got a little dark… umm… nevermind… Lolz Deer Near!
And the final pagan rite of the evening was the solemn occasion of…
Just Keegan reported that Mr. Cycle, HIS SISTER, made him cum.
While he was born in DC, he moved around a lot and was in the Air Force, leaving as a second lieutenant. He lost his virginity in Peachtree City, Georgia in something like an interactive book club on The Joy of Sex. He can’t count, so he claimed his ideal Disney threesome was Snow White and the Seven Dwarves for a nice rope bondage orgy. After some thought, he revealed that the number of salads he’d tossed was 4, and he claims to have done the nasty on the grass of a major quad at Georgia Tech. His least favorite drug experience was acid, but his favorite sobering experience was recovering from acid by waking up on his girlfriend’s tits. However, the moment that cried out for a Name was his sorrowful tale of attending a funeral in middle school and being blessed by the mischievous Boner Fairy with a raging and unkillable hard-on. And as we are not ones to thwart the will of the Boner Fairy, we welcum this young wanker as Mourning Wood, so named by Willy Wonka and the Backdoor Factory.
On – Blessed Boner Be – On,
BMC Tiny Dancer