When: September 6th, 2018.

Where: Ballston-MU Metro Station

Hares: Free Little Willy, Pee It Forward, Bear Fucker, Issues & Tissues, Who Wears Shart Sharts, Cum on My Buddy

Virgins: Justs Bill and Erin

Visitors: Stool Sample, Liar Liar Vagina on Fire, Reverend Ranger Ray, Mommy’s Little Fister, and something about bananas (idk, autocorrect completely took over my notes here)

It’s that time of year! More trails devoted to folks celebrating their future alimony payees/payers legally-bound permanent helpmeets! Ain’t love grand?

Violations:

Starting us off strong, Just Jones was violated for walking into a pole. Pro tip: around here we back onto those.

Quid Pro Blow couldn’t figure out if he wanted money or a body part during sign in. It’s in the bylaws, dude. We accept both always.

Issues and Tissues was violated for looking like an adorable fairy princess Snapchat filter. Look, there is a balance in the universe, and if hashers start looking like winsome dewy-eyed sprites, someone out there is brutally gored by a unicorn.

Mellow Foreskin Cheese was angry trail didn’t end in his back yard. In a truly disconcerting turn of events, an old man is yelling at us to get on his lawn.


And in some sort of White Dress rivalry nonsense, Twinkle complained about the trail for five minutes straight. While he’s younger than me and has no excuse to be a grumpy old man, he was getting a head start on that business because just like his translucent, sweat-drenched dress, this motherfucker was SALTY.

 

On “No, seriously, unicorns are dangerous” on,

BMC Tiny Dancer