When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 13th, 2018
Where: Columbia Heights metro station (Green/Yellow) – Rabaut Park
Virgins: Just Kevin, Just Will
Hares: Chip Off The Old Cock, Quid Pro Blow, No Strings Attached, Deep South In Your Mouth, General’s Farm Animal, L’Chymen

1981 – Britney Spears is born

1986 – She makes her stage debut

1990 – The Mickey Mouse Club rejects B-Spears because she’s too young. Smart move, Walt.

1992 – Britney appears on Star Search

1999 – …Baby, One More Time debuts at number one

2001 – PETA gets angry when Britney performs with both a snake and a tiger. Sounds like my Friday night.

2003 – The kiss

2004 – Wedding number one, lasting 55 hours, ushers in the Crazy Era

2005 – Britney becums a bad mom

2007 – After one day in rehab, things went decidedly down hill

2009 – Circus marks Britney’s cumback

2011 – Her 7th album (WTF?) drops

2013 – Time for a show in Vegas!

2015 – There’s a duet with Iggy Azelea

2018 – This disaster of a trail announcement went out.

Even though he wasn’t there, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack was violated for providing the pack with Oreos that were just…


Goldman Ballsachs was violated for .. everything. He’s been gone forever, and now that he’s back, everyone is begging him: Once this trail shit is over:

Hit me baby one more time?

The Hares were ticking fucking the pack, which many thought made Chip Off the Old Cock a  

But, it was really just women’s empowerment.

Thanks to the hares, this whole trail was…

We were all concerned about General’s Farm Animal. His memory is getting so bad that he started our opening song, but when the dementia kicked in, he got super confused and

Oops, he did it again.

After we finished with all the hits, the pack switched over to the B-side for…

Well, yes. But also…

The Naming of Just Alex

Just Alex blacks out a lot. This floor humper and mattress fucker made himself cum to the hash, thanks to the internet (Holla!). He, and his unnamed penis, continue to cum with the help of computers. Just Alex loves Nature Valley granola bars, ganache, and Swedish fish (or hates them? I’m not sure. My notes are a mess.). He’s blacked out plenty of times – while skydiving, pooping his pants, and during a 30 minute hand job. Despite the pack’s desire to beat that joke like a dead horse, General Tso’s Dicken finished us off with the help of Centaur Roosevelt by naming him…

We trickled on over to Recessions, which is my personal Kryptonite, to channel our inner Britneys.


On – Leave Britney alone! – On
Poon-apple Juice