When: Valentine’s Day, Thursday, February 14, 2019

Where:  Georgia Ave / Petworth Metro (Green / Yellow Line)

Hares:  Melabonin, Basement Boy Toy, Red Dong, Zombie, Just Kevin and Just Ez, Just Surak, and maybe a mystery hare! 

Virgins:  Justs Mia, Chelsea, Valdilia, Aaron

Visitor:  B.D.S.Amateur from Beijing H3

On-After:  Don Juan’s Restaurant

Y’all, I thought this was going to be a Valentine’s Day Trail but it was more like a February 15th aka Discount Chocolate Day Trail that was technically still in theme but was also too little too late, totally in shambles, and definitely resulted in me eating cheese in the dark on the floor in my kitchen.  Shout out to SchroCo for sharing his 200th Run Fireball.

Violations, and literally every single one is about how shitty trail was:

  • Melabonin, birthday girl and alpha hare extraordinare, generously allowed the entire pack to use Basement Boy Toys’ rear entrance halfway through trail.
  • I felt personally victimized by the lack of Valentine’s gifts left for me in the woods while I was alone going full Blair Witch Project with virgin Just Mia.  I didn’t need jewelry, lingerie, chocolates or any of that from the hares, all this girl needed was some flours.
  • Tonight’s trail definitely felt like a surprise orgy hosted by the hares.  We were all in the dark together and I didn’t really know where I was going or what was happening but I was definitely getting fucked.
  • Tonight’s trail felt less like a Valentine’s Day Trail and more like a David’s Bridal Super Black Friday Sale.  Every bitch for themselves and so help me god if you get in my way.
  • Tonight’s trail felt like one of those variety sampler boxes of candy where you just bite into them with blind trust and you’re just like please god please god no nuts.
  • And most important, hashy birthday, fuck you, to Melabonin!

Also, no naming, we were already inside the bar, and OMG DID YOU SIGN UP FOR WIE YET????

On – cheese is my Valentine – on,

Stain Gretzky