When: Thursday, August 22, 2019

Where:  Cleveland Park Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  honestly, only Gunna Probably Spew as far as I could tell

Virgins:  Just Ashraf, Just Ken, Just Tanner, Just Tim, Just Sonia, Just Perry, Just Spencer

Visitor:  Cums For Jesus from Happy Heretics H3

On-After:  Duccini’s for me, Shenanigans Irish Pub for everyone else

Violations

  • On this clusterfuck of a trail, even the walkers got shiggy!  Birthday bitch / alpha hare Gunna Probably Spew was violated because this trail had *Stefan from SNL voice* EVERYTHING.  We had logs. We had water. We had thorns. Did he think that just because it was his birthday people were going to be ok with taking tiny pricks to the face without fair warning?
  • Charlie Why, the man who ran trail IN JEANS, took off his shoes to cross the river, and lost one of his socks in said river, was violated for criticizing Deetz Nuts’ grass skirt as “impractical to run in.”
  • Going Bananas apparently has a full social calendar and a science degree since she was heard on trail saying that this was the second day in a row she got wet because of… water.
  • General Tso’s Dicken was commended for founding her own new kennel: Carryout H3.  She was walking around with an entire roast chicken in a plastic container and may I just say…damn girl that’s some nice breasts and thighs.
  • GPS was violated again, after Chippenfailz pointed out that his name clearly has no bearing on his ability to read a map. 
  • And finally, after running trail in Close Encounters of the Turd Kind’s fart cloud, I’d say this was less of an oasis and more Tropic Thunder.

On – somebody needs either a physics lesson or an anatomy lesson if “runners’ feet may get wet” means water up to my taint – on,

Stain Gretzky