EWH3 Hash Trash #1149: The 8th Anal Pretty Pretty Princess Trail: Scream Queens Edition

When: Thursday, October 17, 2019

Where:  Tenleytown Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  Colliteral Damage, GeriatricMandering, Deathly Swallows, Rail Mary, All Flash No Drive, Rosetta Bone, Tacos On A Bridge

Virgins:  Just Elsa & Just Stephanie

Visitor:  Dr. Mouthful of Clam (he doesn’t go here anymore!) & Lieutenant Dan The Swing Bang Man (Okinawa!)

On-After:  Tenley Bar and Grill


  • Just Arthur was persecuted for being a vessel thief!  As my esteemed co-scribe threatened him – if you mess with the squad, you get the holes.
  • Speaking of #SquadHoles, that mofo was wearing a raceist Baltimore Running Festival shirt.
  • Just Jessie collided with a police officer on a bicycle.  I mean I know we all wanna bang strippers but ok maybe that’s taking it a little far.
  • The Cumburglar said that he doesn’t like jell-O shots because it feels like 3 blow jobs in his mouth.  I am concerned that he both 1) failed sex ed as a child and 2) is going to get arthiritis in his jaw like Kobayshi, the hot dog eating champion.
  • Tragic Carpet Ride tried to pay his hash cash with a roll of quarters.  I was just relieved that for once he was trying to give someone a roll of actual currency and not his penis.
  • Rail Mary tried to get all of the walkers lost by navigating them away from the shot check.  Cause honestly the only thing scarier than running this trail is having to run it again…

At some point later, which may or may not have been the same day, or may or may not have been at MM Recruitment HH at Town Tavern we had a very solemn occasion… a naming!!!  Recounted here below by #SquadHoles:

While many rejoiced at the idea of helping out the hash for another year… a plot was afoot to rename an unbaptized Just Jessie! After many of your fellow hashers were done drinking their fill and signing up to help out our kennel in various ways, the opportunity for a solemn occasion arose and we got to learn more about Just Jessie, dogmom to my favorite beer bitch, Just Bodhi. While the idea of her falling asleep on every surface of the bar, various hash events and an alleged college exam floor mid test played into many of the name suggestions like Sleepy Swallows and Goodnight Poon. Her tales of being a road promoter for various bands ultimately led to a story about Ke$ha being, “voluntold” to remove the bottle jack from her tummy and proceed onstage. Just Jessie accomplished her task and after 7 minutes in Ke$ha the show went on. But like all good things it was time to name this betch! Like the famous Ke$ha song and one of Stain Gretzky’s favorite sayings… her name had to be Tik Tok it’s Dik O’Clock.


Stain Gretzky