Hares: #Squadholes, Tik Tok it’s Dik O’Clock, Heaven’s Gape, Quid Pro Blow
Virgins: Just Emily, Just Laura, Just Ryan, Just Ray, Just Marline, Just Cooper (woof), Just Ike (woof)
Visitors: One Trick Dick (Syracuse, NY), Rock Sucker (Kigali, Rwanda), Goat Throat (Boston, MA)
Long-Time No-Sees: Poople’s Mountain Majesty, Keebler Shelf
What up, my glip glops! Close Encounters of the Rick Kind here, we had a great time getting schwifty at the Council of Ricks Hash!
However, some of you were acting like total Jerrys out there, especially when it came to navigating space and time, so here are some violations in the form of Jerry Awards:
– Tony Panda was almost late for trail and was overheard saying “Rick and Morty can travel through time, we can’t!” Real Ricks can travel through time and space, why didn’t you use your portal gun?
– Mourning Wood punched in last week’s coordinates for Brew Crew. We almost didn’t get velocitinis at Beer Check. Did Evil Rick hack your portal gun, or have you been hanging out with Doofus Rick too much?
– Heaven’s Gape needed three Mortys to help him navigate the walkers trail.
– One of you Jerrys got confused and asked a homeless person for a shot, thinking it was a shot check.
– Jiggly Tits was called out for needing help traversing a spherical art installation. At least we know that when it comes to their commitment to hash shenanigans, they really goes BALLS DEEP!
– One of you crazy Summers was seen pole dancing on a pirate ship in the park. If she keeps up that booty shaking, that won’t be the ONLY stiff mast around here HIYOOOO!
– Group violation: everyone who didn’t properly follow trail and go down the slide in the park. Real Ricks don’t skip out on adventure!
And finally, Geriatric Mandering, for literally having a name with Jerry in it – my daughter is too good for you Jerry, you’re worthless! I’M the master of this household!*
*Seasons 1-3 only
Alright, that’s all for this week I’m gonna go take a shit.