EWH3 #1166 Trash: 2ND ANAL GROUNDHOG (BIRTH)DAY TRAIL!
When: Thursday January 30, 2020
Where: Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan
Hares: Mourning Wood, Deetz Nutz, Special Head Kid, and others
So, tomorrow is Groundhog’s Day and I’m a little sad that the hares didn’t take advantage of the opportunity to use that theme for this trail. We could have just gone around the same block 12,395 times, sang some Sonny and Cher, and moved on to the bar. Really, it would have been easier for everyone.
But wait (wait)…
If you just rolled your eyes at my misguided attempt at continuing this joke, Ctrl+F “lame”
If you’re willing to play along for a bit, Ctrl+F ”leggo”
lame
Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
After briefly trying to rationalize the situation, and then realizing I’m insane, you take advantage of the drink options and find that your actions have no long-term consequences (read: hangovers).
If you pour yourself another beer, Ctrl+F “Bud”
If you take a shot instead, Ctrl+F “vodka”
leggo
Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
After briefly trying to rationalize the situation, and then realizing I’m insane, you take advantage of the drink options and find that your actions have no long-term consequences (read: hangovers).
If you pour yourself another beer, Ctrl+F “PBR”
If you take a shot instead, Ctrl+F “tequila!”
Violations:
shut up Bud
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
You revel in this situation for a long time: seducing beautiful women, stealing money, even experiencing a police chase. However, your attempts to seduce one specific person are met with repeated failure. You begin to tire of, then dread, your existence.
Do you:
… Destroy your alarm clock everyday and profess the inanity of the holiday? (Ctrl+F “smash”)
Or … Kidnap Punxsutawny Phil? (Ctrl+F “taken”)
vodka annoyed
Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
You initially try to seduce a virgin by learning as much as you can on a daily basis. You learn what they like (rocky road ice cream, sweet vermouth, French poetry) and what they don’t (white chocolate). You pretend to share those tastes.
If this furthers your relationship, Ctrl+F “bonus”
If you realize you are living a lie , Ctrl+F “lies”
PBR
Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
You revel in this situation for a long time: seducing beautiful women, stealing money, even experiencing a police chase. However, your attempts to seduce one specific person are met with repeated failure. You begin to tire of, then dread, your existence. Do you:
… Destroy your alarm clock everyday and profess the inanity of the holiday? (Ctrl+F “annoyed”);”>
Or
… Kidnap Punxsutawny Phil? (Ctrl+F “misdemeanor”)>
tequila!
Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
Liquor is probably the best solution, you think to yourself, wondering how long this will go on.
If you take this time to finally get some damn peace and quiet, Ctrl+F “shut up”
If you immediately lose your mind, Ctrl+F “crazy”
smash bonus hopeless
Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
Upon waking (again), you decide share your circumstances — how you are reliving the circle over and over again — and manage to convince another of the truth with your extensive knowledge of violations to come.
Opening up to another has broken the cycle, Ctrl+F “sweet freedom”
taken lies misdemeanor crazy
Violations:
The runners found themselves bounding over vegetables on the street. Looks like the Hares had their salad tossed!
Story Time!
One of our Virgins, Just Ruff, was browsing MeetUp looking for a r*nning group. She showed up to Smithsonian and there we were. BUT it has cum to our attention that she did not intend to lose her virginity (does anyone ever really?). Turns out, she had meant to join up with the Capitol Striders. She was commended not only for making the right choice, but for being the only one in circle who was not ashamed of the mistakes that led to their first time.
We learned that Geriatric Mandering prefers to brew crew in the summer, because it gets her wet. Wait, Wait, Don’t Fuck Me is also easily excited by beer, but only one of his nipples gets hard.
You’ve snapped and decided to kidnap the darn groundhog, in hopes of escaping this menial terror. After a police pursuit, you drive a stolen truck into a quarry, causing both hasher and rodent to die in a fiery explosion; but the loop does not stop.
If you continue on devoid of all hope, Ctrl+F “hopeless”
If this event leads you to seek a professional opinion, Ctrl+F “help”
sweet freedom help
When we finally broke out of the seemingly infinite loop of violations, Wait Wait emerged, saw his shadow, and promptly ran off to Tortilla Coast, without a naming in sight.
On – &on&on&on&on& -On
Poon-apple Juice