When: Thursday, March 5th, 2020
Where: Union Station (Red Line)
Hares: GeriatricMandering, Coliteral Damage, Tacos on a Bridge, Moose Knuckles, Honey Bunches of Cunt, & Atari 6900
Virgins: Just Steve
Visitors: Molotov Cock, Downward Dog, Homeo and Juliet, Turkey Twat
THE GLORY DAYS! The days when we peaked! Back when we were so cool we were reversing global warming! Back when we were so hot we were causing global warming! Back when our bodies were so chiseled we were constantly mistaken for Manowar album cover models!
Ever since our lives have been miserable, so we have been drowning ourselves in alcohol and running from our misery—you know, hashing!
However, this trail didn’t live up to the title, and a lot of people did some dumb stuff that we violated them for in the circle!
The Hares were repeatedly violated for crimes against hashers. We should have known this was going to be a shitty trail when we saw a literal port-o-potty marked with flour. This trail had more blind turns than all tragic country songs combined. This trail caused more people to get lost in darkness than the fall of Rome. This trail had less chalk dust than I’ve seen on my gym teacher’s balls. Speaking of balls…
The Cumburglar was overheard on trail saying the only person who played with his balls in high school was himself. Don’t worry, it could have been worse. The only person who played with MY balls back then was my Scoutmaster.
Stain Gretzky went back to her glory days when she was on her high school aerospace club. Bet you didn’t know she was part of the aerospace club! On trail, she was seen launching a snot rocket on my foot. She also solved three straight tit checks by herself like the overachieving band drum major she is. Looks like Stain got laid just as much as I did back then.
9021Ho didn’t know the song Area Codes was performed by Ludacris. This wasn’t necessarily enough for him to get a violation, but then he admitted that he thought Ludacris was the rapper who barked.
Twaterboarding was overheard saying “Never let reality get in the way of humor.” However, my bad ears heard “Never let reality get in the way of puberty.” I guess that’s the motto of the Catholic Church. Speaking of the Catholic Church…
Poon Tang Clan clearly never WENT to church, because she learned TODAY that missionary was not just a position. Also, despite the song “son of a preacher man” she also learned TODAY that non-Catholic preachers are allowed to fuck.
On-I’M STILL COOL I SWEAR-On,
Close Encounters of the Turd Kind