WHEN: March 5th, 2020

WHERE: Union Station

VIRGINS: Just Steve

VISITORS: Molotov Cock, Downward Sog, Homeo and Juliet, and Turkey Twat

Holy SHITBALLS that was a shitty trail! The Hares are being violated for multiple transgressions:

  • We should have known this was going to be a shitty trail when we saw a literal port-o-potty marked!
  • Your trail had more blind turns than all tragic country songs combined!
  • You caused more people to get lost in darkness than the fall of Rome!
  • Your trail had less chalk dust than I’ve seen on my gym teachers balls!

Speaking of balls…

  • The Cumburglar is being violated because he was overheard on trail saying “the only person who played with his balls in high school was myself.” Don’t worry, it could have been worse… the only person who played with MY balls back then was my Scoutmaster.
  • Stain Gretsky is being violated for going back to her glory days on her high school aerospace club. Bet you didn’t know she was part of the aerospace club! On trail, she was seen launching a snot rocket on my foot! She also solved three straight tit checks by herself like the overachieving band drum major she is. Looks like you got laid just as much as I did back then.
  • 9021HO is being violated because he didn’t know the song Area Codes by Ludacris. He also thought Ludacris was the rapper who barked. At least he didn’t forget about Dre, but now X is definitely gonna give it to him!
  • Twaterboarding is being violated because she said “Never let reality get in the way of humor.” However, MY bad ears heard “Never let reality get in the way of puberty.” I guess that’s the motto of the Catholic Church. Speaking of the Catholic Church…
  • Poon Tang Clan is being violated because she CLEARLY never went to church. She learned TODAY that “missionary” is not just a position. Also, despite the song “son of a preacher man” she also learned TODAY that non-Catholic preachers are allowed to fuck.

On-“My Scoutmaster was actually really cool and never touched me inappropriately”-On

Close Encounters of the Eagle Scout Kind