WHEN: Thursday, April 16th, 2020

WHERE: Your House

HARES: You!

On April 12th, 1961, Yuri Gagarin became the first human to orbit the Earth! EWH3 celebrated this by getting drunk, running around on our own personal trails, and posting about our separate adventures on this week’s Google album.

Yuri Gagarin | World History Amino
“Fuck this whole planet, I’m leaving!” – Yuri Gagarin, April 12th, 1961

Despite all of us being in isolation, a lot of us did dumb things that we had to make fun of at our Virtual Circle. Violations included:

  • Roll Over Bitch was violated for being an attention whore. I’m not sure how you made your picture the top one of the album, but I guess that means you were top of the class at Space Cadet Academy.
  • Kooter Kunte was violated for overwhelming pent-up sexual frustration. She just had to get outside and ride the biggest log she could find. In her defense… she did buy it snacks afterwards.
  • Head Injury was violated for posting a sticker that says “You’re beautiful.” Nothing makes me want to puke more than the thought of listening to James Blunt. I had almost forgotten about him, but you had to make my day worse. Speaking of puking…
  • Poon Tang Clan was violated because of reports that somehow she ended up puking on her personal virtual trail. She must have been conducting microgravity research if she ended up riding the Vomit Comet.
Vomit Comet (With images) | Archer, Gif, Animated gif
Artist’s interpretation of Poon Tang Clan‘s virtual hash experience.
  • We didn’t need to violate Around the World in 80 Lays because she got violated by Just John in the shower. I hope he stuffed harder than you stuffed that cornish hen!
  • Colliteral Damage was violated just for being a literal fuckface.
  • Geriatric Mandering was violated for being so over isolation that she traveled all the way to British property just to take a leak. That gives new meaning to the phrase “crossing the pond,” especially when you’re filling it with piss.
  • Scröodinger’s Cock was violated for not recognizing Close Encounters of the Turd Kind‘s out-of-this-world ass.
  • Just Kirsten, Deetz Nuts, and Mourning Wood were violated for being creepers and doing virtual circle from outside of #Squadholes and Tik Tok It’s Dick O’Clock‘s apartment window.
Image - 249988] | Do The Creep | Know Your Meme
  • Bitches Give Stitches was violated for being the worst Brewmeister in EWH3 history, because since he started he hasn’t actually done his job once!
  • GROUP VIOLATION: Everyone who didn’t file taxes on or before April 15th. Hooray extensions on assignments!

It wasn’t all dumb shenanigans though. No circle would be complete without a few cummendations:

  • Poon Apple Juice was cummended for going through great efforts to achieve mission success. She went out of this world to get her hands on some pussy. Hope it tastes good!
  • Knocked Up was cummended for keeping my shitty joke of exclusively drinking Corona going during this pandemic even after I ran out last week.

ON-Don’t ever visit r/spacedicks-ON

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind