WHEN: Thursday, April 23rd, 2020
WHERE: Your House
Look, we get it. We’ve been in lockdown for a month now, and we are starting to look a little disheveled because we can’t visit our hair stylists. Some of us have butchered ourselves trying to cut our own hair in the mirror. Others have started styling their pubic hair in new ways now that we aren’t getting laid and have no reason to trim often and deal with the itchiness.
But it’s ok because we are all in this together! This week’s trail was our chance to show off how wacky our he*ds have become, and to have an excuse to use the wigs we aren’t using on a regular basis anymore.
You’d think it would be easy–just take a picture of what your hair looks like and post it to the album–right? Well, some of you idiots managed to fuck up that basic thing, and many were violated for their shenanigans on virtual trail.
- Stain Gretzy was violated for having to borrow her muggle roommate’s wig. Come on! What respectable hasher doesn’t have, ready at a moment’s notice, 10 wigs of varying shades, 6 rainbow tutus, 4 animal onsies, 2 red dresses, and a Partridge in a pear tree?
- Skooter Kunte was violated for collecting skulls on trail. Not only is that creepy as FUCK during a quarantine, that’s NOT what they mean when they said you’re “getting some head!”
- Periodic Fable was violated for bringing a minor to trail. At least we don’t have to report you to the cops since the kid was still a virgin.
- Special Red Kid was violated for thinking his beard is long enough to need a trim. Come on, I’ve seen more hair on Periodic Fable‘s minor balls.
- Bow Chica Bow Bow, Edward Sissy Hands, and Close Encounters of the Turd Kind was violated for being uncreative losers and having the same hairdo today. At least we all know what you do with your jizz when you’re done masturbating with that There’s Something About Mary look.
- Tik Tok It’s Dick O’Clock and #Squadholes were violated for going way off theme. You were supposed to show off the highest part of your body, not the lowest. I’m not complaining though, I’ve already masturbated twice to those feet. Send me more, I know some people who are buying.
- The Defense Breasts was cummended for her creativity and engineering skill for keeping her hair on theme for tonight. I do have one question though, can those antennas be tuned to pick up the scrambled porn channels?
- Deep Anal Horizon was cummended for the excellent throwback to his emo days. It’s tough having such longevity while being a part of a clique known primarily for its suicide.
- Everyone who wore hats on trail. The theme was CRAZY HAIR, not “cover your hair”, numbnuts!
- Everyone who smoked pot on 4/20
- Everyone who DIDN’T smoke pot on 4/20
- Everyone who has tried to cut their own hair
VIOLATIONS FROM THE CROWD:
- Scooter Kunte was violated for taking a shower on trail, it’s the first time that that’s how someone got wet on trail.
- MisManagement was violated because the shitty weather.
- Deetz Nuts was violated for saying that he was afraid to get a little moist.
- CE was violated for having something very phallic in his Zoom background.
- Son, What the Fuck? was violated for reusing the silver hair from her 69th trail.
- Mourning Wood was violated for posing like he wanted us to paint him like a French girl. Fix your goddamn posture and sit up straight on this Zoom call!
- Twaterboard was violated for putting Kunte in Double Jeopardy by violating her for the same thing twice.
- R.O.B. was violated for forcing Kunte on trail and getting her all wet. That was clearly the first time THAT’S ever happened.
- Schrödinger’s Cock was violating for still sporting the man bun.
On-When Will The Barber Shops Reopen?-On
Close Encounters of the Turd Kind