When: Thursday, April 30th, 2020

Where: Wherever you happen to be

Hares: You!

According to petfinder, pet adoption inquiries jumped 116% in the first few weeks of quarantine. As we all sit in our homes, wondering why no one is judging us harshly or attempting to lick us in places that no tongue should go, let’s take a moment to marvel at all the cuties who are somehow even lonelier than we are:

(Note: All of these pets are currently available for adoption as of posting of this trash. If you find your new best friend, email us and let us know!)

Dolce

Much like the giraffe that Greatest Ho on Earth adopted as a child, Dolce is old and ready to settle down into retirement.

Mula

Much like Geriatric Mandering, Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer, Skooter Kunte, Stain Gretzky, and Poon Tang Clan, Mula probably loves to chase hairy pussies.

Yang

Ready Player None likes to spend time lounging in bed with women like Yang. Lucky for General Tso’s Dicken, she doesn’t get offended when things start to smell.. fishy.

FreezeFreeze is happy to learn, play, or chill on the couch, just not the casting couch They Blow Up So Fast and Maybe It’s Gaybelline have been showing off.

And finally..

the Hares!

Lola

Cinnabun

Matzoh

Delia

And with that, those of us who were lucky enough hugged our fluff butts just a little tighter (often against their will..)

On – Adopt, Don’t Shop – On
Poon-apple Juice (h/t CEotTK)