WHEN: Thursday, May 14, 2020
WHERE: Your House
So, you’ve got a spirit. Don’t panic! We’re here to help you clean out your supernatural closet.
Step 1: Rule out non-paranormal sources of activity.
No matter how convinced you may be, bear in mind that your problem might not be otherworldly at all. In fact, there are plenty of things, from pests to noisy neighbors, that might lead you to believe you aren’t alone. It won’t hurt to find out if anyone next door has recently discovered a noisy new kink.
Burning sage, or smudging, is great first step.
If cleansing didn’t solve your problem, you might need to take a more direct approach. Announce yourself when you come home and speak up when you feel your spirit’s presence. Liberal nudity will do wonders to scare away the most conservative of ghosts, while others may react more to loud vibrations or moans of your own.
You’re dealing with a pretty powerful spirit if you’ve gotten to this step. There are plenty of …
Schrodinger’s Cock was violated for doubling up on the trail link, proving once and for all that he doesn’t really get double-teaming.
Twaterboarding outed all of MM in our plan to take over the world. But let’s be real, she can barely run a virtual circle, forget a totalitarian government.
Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer killed a school mascot. But we know that mascots aren’t real people, so with the right lawyer, those charges should get dropped down to littering.
Geriatric Mandering was violated for repeat costuming. You don’t wear varsity jackets to pep rallies, pep rallies are held during the day! You wear varsity jackets to football games so you can lay something down on the grass underneath the stands when you’re getting railed by the quarterback.
Jigglytits and F.A.R.T. visited the place where society seems to get fucked constantly, the U.S. Supreme Court. It’s weird those kids are having a mock commencement there, because I thought that building was for mock trials.
After a rousing rendition of some song that was probably out of tune, we all hit “Leave Meeting” and ghosted the RA.
On – I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts – On
Poon-apple Juice (ghost writing for CEotTK)