When: Thursday, July 9th, 2020

Where: Tenleytown-AU (Red Line)

Hares: Son, What the Fuck?! & Tacos On A Bridge

Virgins: Just Becca

On-After: None, because COVID

Get your pic-a-nic baskets ready and tell Yogi Bear to fuck off, we’re celebrating being outside again! The sun is shining, people are outside socially distancing with masks on, and hashers are invading parks and causing trouble. Things are ALMOST feeling like normal! Well, maybe not THAT normal…

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We had great fun staying 6 feet away from each other and random muggles all around us in parks. As always, y’all did some stupid shit on trail that had to be called out.

AWARDS: I’ve decided to start giving out awards for repeat fuckups, in addition to regular violations, because we really can’t seem to get things right. These awards are named after serial offenders:

  • This week’s GPS award for the FRB least likely to communicate the status of a check to the rest of the pack, causing mass confusion, goes to… Papal Smear!
  • This week’s Close Encounters of the Turd Kind award for the FRB most likely to miss a mark and lead the pack on a completely wrong route goes to… Back Snatch!

It was so hard to recognize 9021Ho after so long without a live hash. Not because he was wearing a mask, but because he wasn’t wearing his signature P-Coat.

Please Step Away from the Whores was violated because he turned around on walkers’ trail after 0.75 miles because of his sore Achilles. Come on, man, if he had turned around 0.06 miles sooner, he could have had two perfect 0.69s!

Just Caroline was overheard saying she has no problem handling big loads. She was also seen at beer check with a very dumb vessel that saves the date for her wedding next September. But hey, at least until the wedding, she’s SINGLE!! That means she can handle ALL of our big loads!!

They Blow Up So Fast was overheard saying “I’m gonna go lube up.” Look, just because drinking in public is ok now doesn’t mean fucking in public is acceptable.

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Quid Pro Blow showed up to Beer Check the same way he entered this world: wet, disgusting, and way too late. He was further violated for passing out water desperately trying to get women wet.

Our virgin Just Becca was overheard bitching about the hills on this trail. Look, I know you’re new, but stop being such a goddamn prude and enjoy these DANGEROUS curves!!

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Finally, Schrödinger’s Cock was violated for being so fuckin’ awkward. Your RA skills are rustier than my trombone skills.

On-You Can Hop into MY Picnic Basket ANY Time!-On

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind