When: Thursday, July 16, 2020
Where: Stadium-Armory
Hares: They Blow Up So Fast, Tacos on a Bridge
Virgin: Just Cerulean

The Little Mermaid is a tail as old as time. A young woman, jailed in castle, is forced by her father to exist in a world in which she feels she does not belong. Despite his insistence that she stay at home, he refuses to provide basic necessities, such as a hairbrush or descaler.

One fateful day, with encouragement from a lucid dream involving her most recent visit to a seafood buffet, our heroine finds a new religion centered on a feminine version of Cthulu. Through her prayers and sacrifices, the young woman (who has adopted the name Ariel) is transported to a parallel world and gifted with the ability to walk.

Ariel meets Prince Eric, a habitant of this new world who follows a different religion.

Together, they reconcile their differences as they learn and grow, eventually falling in love and getting married. Ariel learns that sometimes, the true path to happiness is to spread your new legs and keep your damn mouth shut.

Violations: 

The Hares planned a starting point worthy of a keelhauling. If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s not about how you start. It’s the finish that matters.

Issues & Tissues and Shart Sharts jumped overboard to bring some seamen onto trail.

Gaybelline proved to us that he can’t handle a stick as well as Tacos on a Bridge can.

Rail Mary and Just Caroline were acting very shellfish by attempting the ride the trash turle.

Just Cerulean took a break from swabbing the poop deck to fondle Rail Mary‘s sack.

and Close Encounters of the Turd Kind tried to blame his recent dry spell on the pack. Maybe you should take a hint from Ariel up there, huh?

On-Afters are cancelled and there’s no Justs worth a name, so we all sailed off into the sunset.

On – It’s not the size of the wave, it’s the motion of the boat? – On
Poon-apple Juice (h/t CEotTK)