EWH3 HASH TRASH #1208 – Choose Your Own Adventure
When: Thursday November 19, 2020
Where: Potomac Avenue
Hares: They Blow Up So Fast & Son What the Fuck?!
Ah, the hash. A beautiful place, full of beer and devoid of responsibility. That doesn’t mean you’re completely off the hook though. Oh no, friend. There are lots of decisions to make. Let’s Bandersnatch this bitch.
A.
It’s a lovely fall evening (November 19, 2020 to be exact) at the Potomac Avenue metro. Your GM calls you to circle up. Do you:
1. Calmly walk to the circle? Continue reading to B.
2. Stand where you are and keep talking? Continue reading to B. The hash isn’t waiting for your inconsiderate ass.
B.
Opening circle begins, as we lament the lack of virgins and introduce our hares, They Blow Up
So Fast & Son What the Fuck?! Do you…
1. Sing along with the silly song, sticking your tongue out? Keep reading to C.
2. Refuse to take part in such childish things? Skip to D.
C.
A cute Just walks up to you, enamored with your personality. She gives you her number, which you stash away in a safe place for later. Keep reading to D.
D.
As the pack is on-out, you find yourself unsure which trail to take.
1. If you take walkers’ trail, move on to E.
2. If you take runners’ trail, skip to G.
E.
The walkers cum across a rare song check. Daddy’s Dick begins a rousing rendition of My Name Is Jack. When it’s done, he tries to.. start again?
1. If you remind him that yes, we’re sex positive but you can’t fuck dust twice, move on to I.
2. If you ignore him and walk away, complaining to others that he needs to stop trying to make necrophilia happen, move on to F.
F.
Another check! This time, all the walkers are expected to walk and talk like the dinosaurs! Do you…
1. Go for it! Continue to I.
2. Shake your cranium thinking how dumb this is. Skip to J.
G.
The runners pack is off! About a mile in, you see the FRBs quickly turn around and work their way back in your direction?! What do you do?
1. Follow them, bitching about the poorly laid trail. Skip to J.
2. Realize that it’s a fishhook. Laugh at the wankers following them and crack a joke about “catfishing.” Continue to I.
I.
It’s finally time for beer check. Everyone is smiling, thanks to your joviality on trail. Enjoy an ice cold beer before moving on to K.
J.
You arrive at beer check in a sour mood. You’re even more pissed when you notice how long the line is and are told that brew crew has run out of cold beer. Drink your warm swill before moving on to K.
K.
With a charged vessel and an ache in your knee, you decide that walkers trail is for you. As the pack sets off, you notice Just Stephanie, Lickthyologist, and PITA step off trail to recreate The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pisspants.
1. Follow them. Continue to L.
2. Leave them pee. Skip to M.
L.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t follow women when they’re peeing. But, what’s that you overhear? Just Stephanie confiding in others that she just LOVES dark chocolate. Hoping this isn’t related to the bathroom nature of this excursion, you quickly turn tail and catch up with the pack. Continue to M, you weirdo.
M.
Trail continues without incident. As you approach end, you notice an intriguing site. Is that.. a landing strip? Light up anal beads?
It’s… brew crew?
1. Grab a beer and make your way to circle. Continue to N.
2. Decide not to drink anymore tonight. You got so drunk that you didn’t even noticed we skipped H. You’ve had enough. Skip to O.
N.
The RA starts circle. Entranced by their song and dance, you sip beers without a worry in the world. Hares, violations, announcements, you take it all in, just happy to be here, even if there was no naming. As the circle wraps up, you twirl and sing. Continue to O.
O.
Alas, on-afters still aren’t happening so the only place to go is home. You pack up your bag and depart until the next trail. Good night, sweet prince.
On – More like BanderSNATCH.. oh wait. – On
Poon-apple Juice (h/t Close Encounters of the Turd Kind