WHEN: March 11, 2021

WHERE: Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan

Virgins: None : (

Visitors: Unless GPS counts? J/K Pudjam hashers never count. 

Hi! Scooter Kunte here and I have your Hash Trash from 6 weeks ago! As one infamous hasher likes to say, “Better late than pregnant.” So here you go.

It was a chilly but lively trail as we all clamored to see what Son, What the F*ck and Gingersnatch had in store for us. It brought some long time no see-ers like Tuck Tuck Deuce and Cum Dumpling out of the woodwork. Random, I know, but how does the government remember the difference between astrology and astronomy anyway? Just like any subject, they don’t believe it’s a science if it ends in “ology”. 

The walkers were ready to violate the hares, not just for their cheesy (ahem, awesome) trail theme but for that 69 step stairmaster of a trail they dragged us through. I haven’t gotten that sweaty on a walker’s trail since the time I got stuck behind Urine Grande Trouble for a solid 10 minutes. Whew! Is it hot in here?

Lickthiologist was rocking her sun sign duds and looking especially horny that night, she bedazzled a few lucky ducks with some jubilee and the pack drank and were merry. (Congrats to Bitches Give Stitches on his 69th trail!) Speaking of poking hazards- Don’t you think 23 In Me and Dial F would make a great couple? She’s a sparky fire sign and he’s an air sign. Full of hot air that is. (Sorry! You were the only air sign I could pick on!)

If you are feeling sick after tonight’s trail, don’t worry, it’s probably just because Mercury is in Uranus. Hashers kept asking Orange is the New Snatch about her sign all night, but she told them because she’s a Taurus she’s extremely skeptical and doesn’t believe in astrology. I asked Gingersnatch what his sign was and he told me “Dinosaur”…I yelled back that it was not a real sign! And he shot back, “None of them are.” Whomp whomp. 

Sonny was violated again for throwing us all into a beer check so tight and cramped…it brought back too many memories of our first time….hashing. On the other hand, 21 Gum Salute and Just Rachel (Now known as Burlington Ho Factory) squealed with delight at all the shiggy that graced our beer check… it would make their “You wanna check me for ticks” pick up line go SO MUCH more smoothly later! 

Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack was overheard several times exclaiming his excitement about getting a little Johnson in him that weekend. They Blow Up So Fast only promised to squirt on trail like once… and yet again, Maybe it’s Gaybelline was violated for cutting in line to get to Tacos (Thanks, Brew Crew!) We all know it wasn’t the first…nor will it be the last time he does this. 

And that’s your (stunt) Scribe Report! Stay thirsty my friends,

Miss Kunte