When: Thursday, April 1st, 2021
Where: Dupont Circle (Red Line)
Hares: Poon-apple Juice & Schrödinger’s Cock
Virgins: Just Graciela
On-After: None, because COVID
April Showers? More like April Flurries! Holy SHIT, what the fuck!? Mother Nature sure played an April Fools joke on us, giving us great weather all last week and then slamming us on April 1st like that.
However, the real jokes was on the runners. The Hares were absolutely brutal yet surgically precise with their runners’ trail, laying EIGHT back checks in the first half without ANY intersection of different pathways. Even worse was the “You’ve Been Fucked #69” waiting for the runners in the second half.
Walkers had it a little easier. Their second half was literally a trip from beer check to McDonalds and back while the runners suffered from their half and the smell of french fries wafting through the cold air.
Despite the cold, a celebration was in order for Please Step Away from the Whores for reaching #669 runs with EWH3! Congratulations PSA for spending over $4,500 on a hat!
The crowd had to start with massive violations for The Hares. “From the FRBs to the FBIs to the Virgins to the DFLs, we all just want to say: FUUUUUCK YOOOOU!”
Poon-apple Juice was further violated as walkers’ hare for getting lost and trying to pass it off as walkers having to do a backcheck. It might be April Fools but you can’t fool us!
Dial F was violated because our virgin Just Graciela introduced herself with “I found you guys on the internet.” It was Dial F’s job to make sure she said “The internet made me cum!”
There was some couple’s drama tonight. Colliteral Damage stole Honey Bunches of Cunt‘s pants because she was cold, so Shamrock Your Cock offered her pants to Honey. Meanwhile Tony Panda is standing there wearing fucking shorts watching another man get into his wife’s pants!
Speaking of which… a cummendation for all of our stereotypical white dudes wearing shorts in the cold! Chip Off the Old Cock was so cold she left early!
Bitches Give Stitches got Just Divina so excited she gave him a golden shower. That’s NOT what we meant by April Showers!
Special Red was violated for boasting to the gods that he wanted sleet. Then sleet happened. You can’t violate the RA for not providing good weather when that happens!
Geriatricmandering had not used her beer Mug in so long, she poured a beer on top of a lanyard that she didn’t know was in there and continued to drink beer out of it. It means you don’t hash often enough, stop having a life!
Chokes One Out needed to borrow a hat and tried to give away her phone because it was too many things to carry. That’s a losing value proposition, go back to school so you don’t get sucked into scams and multi-level marketing schemes, otherwise you’ll end up like PSA, spending thousands of dollars on a hat and being happy about it!
On-No seriously, FUCK the hares-On
Close Encounters of the Turd Kind