When: Thursday, April 29, 2021

Where: Rhode Island Ave

Virgins: Just Mark, Just Nick, Just Allie

Hares: Special Head Kid, Seizure’s Phallus

Today’s trash is brought to you by the letters F, U, and the number 69.

On a warm April evening, we gathered. The sea of fur, monster-themed chokers, and pasty thighs was overwhelming, to say the least. Our executive producer presented our Virgins: Just Mark, Just Nick, and Just Allie and our Hares: Special Head Kid and Seizure’s Phallus. We were reminded of the location of a few body parts (namely our tongues) and sent off in search of “dad’s special soda.”

Immediately upon departure, half of the pack proved that they could NOT, in fact, tell me how to get to Sesame Street, veering off course for no reason and refusing all attempts by the sweeper at course correction.

We finally found ourselves stationed, appropriately, outside of an elementary school. We were treated to a rousing rendition of the Sesame Street theme song, attempted by Close Encounters of the Turd Kind, before we were finally introduced to our colorful cast of characters…

Stain Gretzky tried to sneak her race-ist attire past us.


Roll Over Bitch snuck off for sex on trail, making him our resident Nookie Monster.




The Cumburglar was overheard on trail complaining that Special Head Kid wasn’t commanding enough from behind.




Some hashers complained that GPS solved a Just check on his own, failing torecognize the presence of Just Snuffleupagus.



Seriously 5-10 channeled his inner Oscar by snatching up General Tso’s Dicken’s trash for his own treasure.



Special Head Kid’s naughty bits had an encounter with some P.I. Hopefully, all that swelling left him with a Big Bird.




and 23 In Me, who did not drink another hasher’s wine when entrusted with it, proving she really is someone we can Count on.


And thus, all our lessons learned and not a naming to be seen, we departed to where the air is sweet, or at least as sweet as it gets without an On-After.


Poon-apple Juice