When: March 12, 2026
Start: King St
End: TJ Stones
Hares: Ha-Cum-On My TaTas, Naughtyacumneatme , Just Mia

Virgins: Just Helena

 

It was a festive, questionably Irish affair as wankers gathered on King Street to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day the only way hashers know how: poorly dressed, aggressively hydrated, and with just enough green to avoid getting pinched—or arrested. The hares delivered a trail that was equal parts holiday spirit and logistical confusion, proving once again that no one actually knows what’s going on, but everyone is committed to pretending they do.

Between questionable shortcuts, creative interpretations of “walkers trail,” and a crowd fully leaning into the theme (and the alcohol), the night quickly devolved into the kind of chaos that would make Saint Patrick himself consider switching to water.

 

Violations

The RA, Bitches Give Stitches: For choosing violence with the weather today—because apparently rain builds character, or at least excuses.

Ha-Cum-On My Tatas: For asking me if I had success finding a sugardaddy in Monaco, and then calling it “fundraising”—a business model still under investigation.

Cum Dumpling: For his racist jacket—a bold fashion choice that no one asked for.

Infidellatio: For enabling Cum Dumpling, saying “it’s 18 years old so it’s legal”—morally questionable, legally… still questionable.

Just Mia and TaTas: For taking walkers on runners trail—because labels are apparently just suggestions.

General’s Farm Animal: For expecting Irish beer just because Brewmeister is Shamrock—that’s not how supply chains or reality work.

Just Ora: For getting in the spirit, by sitting and rubbing her butt in green flour—committed to the theme, if nothing else.

Vagina Is for Lawyers: For going on about being in a relationship with a guy named Claude, and how good he is at getting him to perform—finally, a partner who actually delivers.

Infidellatio (again): For pointing out how I’m doing the marine biology thing wrong—I should be a “biologist of Marines”. I dated a marine and did a lot of “biologisting,” but never made that connection—seems like a missed academic opportunity.

“Just here to rep Zoloft” guy: For being so happy about it—and Charm City’s Green Dress pre-lube—nothing says mental health advocacy like questionable decision-making.

LMRC (Latino MILF Reverse Cowgirl): For existing as a phrase that no one asked to hear but now cannot forget.

Everyone falling for AI: For trying to identify which bird looks like a human ballsack and proudly settling on the “Ballsack Bird” (Scrotum Aviana)—we’ve officially peaked and are declining as a species. 

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!

 

On-On,
Lickthyologist

 

When: February 5, 2026
Start: Foggy Bottom / Washington Circle
End: Foggy Bottom / Recessions
Hares: Vagetarian, Please Step Away from the Whore, Mongo, Bitches Give Stitches, Vagina is for Lawyers, No Strings Attached

After taking a week off for “rigorous” drinking practice, a pack of shivering wankers gathered on the ice-covered streets of Washington Circle for the O’LimpDicks Trialz—the only Olympic qualifier where the primary performance enhancer is cheap lager and poor judgment.

We welcomed the Fellowship of the Cockring from Boston to witness this frozen spectacle of speed, stamina, and not eating absolute shit on ice, all for a shot at a “really good” prize and a coveted spot in the Full Moon Games. In the end, it was a night of poorly judged athletic greatness that proved that while glory is forever, frostbite is just a minor side effect of hashing immortality—and dignity was the first casualty.

 

Violations

Fellowship of the Cockring from New England, where they make the ice cream he was eating at start (in 6.9 degree weather) and all who ate it—despite knowing better and still choosing more of his creamy regret.

Vagina Is for Lawyers: For not knowing where the trail was, which way to send wankers on out from the start, and for leading way ahead of the walkers with the confidence of a mediocre white man.

Dwarfus Interruptus: Who asked for a fast round of violations to shorten circle, but then immediately showed a picture comparing his and his twins bare bottoms—efficient, but emotionally scarring.

The Hares (all 6.9 of them):
Though the hares chose a completely exposed beer check, walkers walked right past it and the FRB loop—because nothing says ‘Trialz’ like missing the only incentive to continue. Also the hares, for: wrong start location, no chalk talk, not being at the start, but having time for cigars. As the visitor asked, “Why are there so many hares and they didn’t even mark anything?”

Immoral Support: For saying, “I want to violate the ducks.” No reason given—just low-key wanted to be a duck fucker.

Deepthroat Corn Dog: Who doesn’t know how to use her tongue and swallow shots—she lost a Jell-O shot to the ground at shot/beer check, in what can only be described as the saddest form of alcohol abuse.

Naughtya CumNEatMe and Immoral Support: For emerging on the walkers trail, where Bipolar Bear exclaimed, “I’m so glad she found somebody to always be lost with.”

Mrs. Nuttersworth (again): For how excited she was for nutty protein balls at the end—arguably the most enthusiasm shown all night.

Vagetarian: Saw me raw-dogging a White Claw and gave me this glove to stay protected—because nothing says safety like a single mystery glove.

From the “safety” section: Corn Dog, Naughtya, Cuntry Fried and Infidellatio whose munchy asses commended Ms. Nuttersworth for “smelling good like cookies on trail” and also for trying to literally eat Ms. Nuttersworth.

 

Regretfully yours,
Lickthyologist

On-On.

 

Announcement: A New Mismanagement Is Born!

Date & Time: January 10, 2025 at 10:69 PM

Weight: 420 oz 

Length: 69 in

After 12 months of gestation, and a VERY HARD labor, we have begrudgingly birthed a new Everyday is Wednesday Hash House Harriers Mismanagement. Watch out for the afterbirth, it’s sticky.

General Mismangers

• Tumey McBoatface — Big entrance, questionable directions
• Ha-Cum-On My Tatas — Flirtatious energy, zero subtlety

Hash Cash

• These Are The Tits You’re Looking For — Keeps the coffers “well-endowed”
• Ms. Nuttersworth — Hard of hearing, soft of cookies

Haberdasher

• Whoriana Trench — Screen printer or finger painter?

Oreho

• Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow — Hopefully buys better snacks than the one in his pants

Jubilee

• Pussy Has Defects — Enthusiastically imperfect arts and crafts (cuck)quean

Religious Advisor

• Deepthroat Corndog — Small package, loud voice, questionable metaphors
• Bitches Give Stitches — Patchwork discipline and sass to match his ass

Whoreganizer

• Vagitarian — Organizes with undeserved confidence

On-Sec

• Lorena Hobbit — Dismembered tenacious book cooker

Brewmistress

• Shamrock Your Cock — Brews that will knock your smelly socks off

Harerazor

• Close Encounters of the Turd Kind — Trail wizard with an odd sense of timing

Hash Flash

• Ready Player None — The only shots he’s making are money shots (; (;
• Ms. Nuttersworth — Who is surprised you came on the list twice?

Scribe

• Lickthyologist — Takes notes with unenthusiastic curiosity
• Cuntry Fried Seaman — Cocksure storyteller with salty “charm”

Porn Guru

• Just Alex — He doesn’t even go here. Fuck him. 

Welcum, you gloriously incompetent lot. We expect misdirection, mayhem, and at least three misplaced beer checks. Don’t fuck it up or we’ll all make fun of you. 

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, September 11, 2025

Started: Pentagon City Metro / Virginia Highlands Park

Ended: Pentagon City / Chevy’s

Hares: GFA, LPF, and maybe a mystery hare

A little more of a somber trail, it’s been 24 years since that fateful Tuesday morning. But we celebrate that we did not lose one of our hares General Farm Animal as he was sitting at his desk in the Pentagon about 69 yards from the impact site. The trail took us along some amazing and reflecting sites. Beer check gave us views of the Air Force Memorial and the Washington Monument and trail gave us time to reflect at the 9/11 Pentagon memorial and remember those lost at that day by reading their names. We were sure to pour one out for all those lost and for those left behind. Buckle up these violations were a bumpy ride, but why bother the seatbelts weren’t going to land anyone safely.

Violations

• Slightly concerned how old Just Tumey’s virgin was that he brought, as he saw the chalk on the ground that said Never Forget and asked what day is it?
• GFA was already violated for putting flour right in front of the Pentagon memorial as he was immediately questioned by the police. We just know GFA was just marking where his ashes would have been.
• Was proud of Tragic Carpet Ride walking on the traffic side of Just Heather like a gentleman but also on her translate side so he could repeat what I was saying on Heather’s right side. Some of this lost in translation… Tragic: Oh so I can translate because she’s scribe. Just Heather: What’s a Scribe? Tragic: It’s where she rights down all your violations. Just Heather: She’s writing down everyone who violated me last weekend? Roose: Yes that’s exactly what Scribe is. Just Heather: Let me see it. Roose: You’ll find out in circle. Just Heather: That’s albest. Roose: No! I don’t show anyone the violations about themselves until circle!
• Vagina For Lawyers auditioning for the DC ballet, his hands and lines while walking the balance beam of the curb to beer check.
• Visitor Enter the Asshole or rather ETA…. Because no one met their flight ETA’s that day.
• Just Ora kept sniffing everyone’s meat sticks, little did we know she was just a bomb sniffing dog. So you are all safe, except for you Turd, your ass smells like Turd.
• Captain Jack apparently cums twice before he comes, and only pays his load on the third cum…. Please see our hash cash sir!

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, August 14th, 2025

Started: Virginia Highlands Park Parking Lot (Pentagon City metro)

Ended: Crystal City / Freddie’s Beach Bar

Hares: Ha-Cum-On My Tatas, Head Injury, Lickthyologist

Get your towels ready because it went down!!! With our swim trunks and our flippy floppies, it wasn’t sea world, dolphins were splashing getting everybody all wet, maybe a little too wet as flipper got herself blown out. We may even have fucked some mermaids and flew that boat to the moon some how. And remember it’s only queer on the pier but it ain’t gay underway. And our visitors delighted us to not one, not two, but three beautiful full moons!

Violations

• Wait was it actually Sea World because I think we murdered Flipper the dolphin. Oh Hey Not Gay blew the dolphin to completion, popping it’s cherry. You need to make sure you trim your nails next time you go that hard at someone’s blow hole. Some get that dolphin a Viagra as they were completely deflated. Roose Rips to the rescue and was able to tie her tubes to prevent further damage.
• Tragic Carpet Ride was hitting heavy seas and could not slow his roll have a hard time breaking the waves up the hill. Cuntry Fried Seaman kicked him into full throttle, all engines ahead full pushing him up the hill. You would have thought Tragic was having the ride of his life, as orgasm screams echo across the sea that could wake up Davey Jone’s from his watery grave.
• We learned that Strawberry Short Cock and Infidellatio have a running form fetish… loving those calves looking like Greek gods *unning up those hills.
• Suck Squeeze Bang Blow (S2B2) was lamenting at beer check that he didn’t want to *un the second half but felt he needed to because he was Just Ben’s emotional hash animal
• Luckily the Feds did not arrive to break up the fun, even though Please Step Away (PSA) looked like the PoPo rolling up to end circle in his big black unmarked truck.

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!