EWH3 Trash #1477 – Florida Man Trail

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, July 13th, 2025

Started: West Hyattsville Metro

Ended: West Hyattsville Metro

Hares: Special Red, Pinnochi-Ho, Quid Pro Blow, Screeching Eargasm

Where was the fla-bong-o? Florida man ran amuck, plenty of cut off jorts, Hawaiian shirts, possible bath salts at shot check. The trail was complete with Florida humidity, sink holes, and a gator swap.

Violations

  • Seriously for complaining that there was no Mr. 305, Pitbull on the trail and that there was a lack of crocs. Yet he pet a pitbull and was wearing crocs.
  • There were no pan handles on trail but we love to see those love handles
  • Havana Lewinski was lost on trail, but thank God our GM Tumey rescued him with his e-Bike brought Lewinski home like ET in his bike basket
  • Special Red scared the shit out the pack… jumping out from his tree like a homeless Florida man, missing teeth, a mullet and jorts – Luckly the shots that were taken did not lead anyone to eat another hasher’s face off.

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!!

 

EWH3 Trash #1474 – An Inconceivable Trail

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, June 26th, 2025

Started: Eisenhower Ave Metro

Ended: Wegman’s and Brunch under a bridge

Hares: Sir Lance a Little, B.A.T., Too Easy

It was hot it was long, we stormed the castle an avoid large rodents in tunnels. We also had a NAMING!!! Say good-bye to Just Jess and say Whale Cum to Gui Decimal System, due to her extra curricular activities on the roof of a library. We celebrated into the night with a BYOB, bring your own brunch from Wegman’s, take cover from the rain under a bridge and enjoy some prosecco and charcuterie boards. Who doesn’t love a good bridge brunch.

Violations

  • Corn Dog, Tumey and Ready Player None shared a memorable three way ass slap.
  • Ruthie confusing asked Orgy if this was her missing hat while looking her dead in the face while Orgy is already wearing a hat.
  • Usually a car hits a deer resulting in road kill, however here at EWH3 the Bambi hits the car back and he parkour’d off of a stationary van.
  • Our walker hare Daddy’s dick was in a daze sometimes and had to be told to walk when the walk signal was on
  • Lance a Little and our RA Ready Player None did not hold off the weather for a trail that had already been pre-laid. Doing it twice is nice!
  • Too Easy was not having an easy day and participated in racist behavior by *unning 7 miles the day before and then do to weather had to live lay trail again in literally the temperature of satan’s ball sack.

Check out our Hash Flash photos here!!!

EWH3 Trash #1473 – FUCK MY TATAS BIRTHDAY TRAIL

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, June 19th, 2025.

Started: Cleveland Park Metro

Ended: Georgia Ave-Petworth

Hares: Chuck Fuck, Ha-Cum-On My Tatas, mystery hares

Shiggy on an EWH3 trail??!!?? Following a freak storm! Hell yea! Only the best for two of our favorite misman Chuck Fuck and Ha-Cum-On My Tatas birthdays! Seriously even regaled us with a special rendition of a Lion King sing along, for Ha-Cum-On My Tatas.

Violations

  • Bring out your dead, bring out your dead… Corndog received a nine pence as she’s not dead yet.
  • Many safety thirds: Naughtya Cum and Eat Me squealed like Miss Piggy but Cum Dumpling was the one who became a muppet slipping off rocks with Naughtya thumb going right up his ass. GFA running into traffic and cursing out cars. GFA also stumbled a little on the mud, steadied quickly by George who then almost wiped out himself, but don’t worry the mud claimed a victim as Tumey went down hard ending up with a shit stain on his pants.
  • Speaking of shit – Tatas claims honestly shitting your pants isn’t even the worst of it.
  • Accommodations for everyone who thought they could attempt to break Tragic’s fall down the hill.
  • The Pilates cult strikes again – cummend them for stretching those asses out. Vagetarian thinks you should all start an only fans.
  • GFA also slipping and sliding all over the place but zero alcohol abuse occurred – not spilling a single drop of beer.

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!

,

EWH3 Trash #1470 – I <3 KESHA TRAIL

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, May 29th, 2025.

Started: NoMa-Gallaudet U Station

Ended: Bundy Field

Hares: Jeb!utante, The Cumburglar!, Vagetarian

Now the party didn’t start ‘til we walked in, we had a bottle of whiskey in our hand bags and brushed our teeth with a bottle jack, P-Diddy was not invited, blah blah blah. But we made the most of the night like we’re going to die young. We R Who We R and now there is one more one of us! The world traveler, peace bringer, glee club singer, head splitting, pants shitting hasher got named!!!! Say Goodbye to Just Matt and give a big hash whale cum to Eat, Pray, Dump!

Violations

  • And Safety Third goes to…. Immoral Support… tried his best to become a hood ornament
  • We had an unsanctioned competition going on…Infidellatio, Cum Dumpling and Split Her Bare were comparing mileage which is such racist behavior. The only mileage that should be compared are milage in bed.
  • Prostate Rights and Just Jam re-acted a scene from Reservoir Dogs and almost lost an ear to a clothes line.
  • Immoral Support was very familiar with this circle, but gleefully exclaimed “wow, I’ve never been in the back end before”
  • NSA offered up the worst kid of sloppy seconds, offering his used socks to another hasher
  • Tumey did make use proud by asking for consent before putting his salty nuts in Corndogs mouth.
  • Cum Dumpling being the first person we know to be denied boarding a plane and arrested for being completely sober (blowing a 0.0), but we all know he has resting drunk face.

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!

EWH3 Trash #1467 – The Last Gator Day

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, May 8th, 2025.

Started: Crystal City Metro

Ended: Crystal City

Hares: Crocs On Crocs Off, B-Ho, Chuck Fuck, Tumey McBoatface, Devil Went Down on Georgia, mystery hares

Well our DC overlords finally did it…. They drained the swap. This had us crying crocodile tears as our resident gator Crocs On Crocs Off swims onto bigger bluer oceans. As the stud Robert Irwin would say in his very sexy boxer briefs, crikey that’s a salty there. With our final claps we raised our glasses and wished CoCo fair winds and following seas!

Violations

  • Walker Hare Devil Went Down on Georgia pulled the most egregious violation and had the pack moving at a snails pace as we got stuck behind a couple and their sex trophy for far too many blocks, which got the pack to beer check way behind the runners, having us miss out on delicious beer.
  • Now everyone loves a patch challenge and consensual nudity – many of us were surprised with the question from Taking a D for the B asking “You’ve seen my penis right?” If your answer was yes then you were rewarded with a new patch “Nice Cock Bro” in the them of reading rainbow “The More You Know”
  • We saw the softer side of Sisterhood when he regaled us with tales of his favorite campout at Texas Interhash that had him and everyone around him crying while witnessing the solar eclipse in its totality. It was unclear if the experience was enhanced by psychedelics.
  • Some tales from trail Roose Rips was raving to Dude that Guy about a trip to Vietnam a couple years back and how cheap everything was. Dude confirmed “Yup your Dong goes a long way in ‘Nam”
  • Just Leah had some PTSD going through the dark tunnel, possible flashbacks of going through the birth canal 40 years ago on Monday!
  • Lock Nut proved to be an equal opportunity hasher as there he was enjoying himself with this women when he realized this titty was missing a nipple and it was then that he realized that this was a not a tit but a bonus boob, a fatty under boob roll.
  • We had some virgins at our trail and one Just Liz responded to our usual entry survey with “Only the Lord knows” … This proved to be false as Bitches give stitches knew for certain that Just Liz was definitely single.

And of course we wished a Hashy Beer Day to both Just Leah and Whoriana Trench!

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!

EWH3 Trash #1465 – The 2nd Anal Tumey Saves Your Butts Trail

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 24th, 2025.

Started: Red Bear Brewing Company – NoMa-Galludet Metro

Ended: NoMa

Hares: Tumey McBoatFace, Close Encounters of the Turd Kind, and other friends.

Our illustrious GM came to our rescue once more. A hare that shall not be named jumped ship at the last minute but Tumey McBoatFace was able to right the ship and pull a rabbit out of his hat and recycle a trail from his bag, proving this might become a beloved Anal trail.

Violations

  • Tumey may have saved our butts, but he doesn’t have to be an ass. Some of the pack found themselves lost as early as exiting the metro. Waiting at our usual NoMa starting spot and missing the marks that opening circle was at Red Bear Brewery.
  • Right out of the gate we had a hasher scuffle. Just Scottie tripping Moose Knuckles… but it’s not the dog’s fault. Scottie doesn’t know! Scottie doesn’t know…. Better.
  • Every trail we always have the chance to get closer to our kennel mates. This week we learned that Oh Hey Not Gay has an irrational fear of earthquakes when he is shaving his balls. Shamrock Your Cock, while wearing a shirt with the earth on it, was able to play the part of the earthquake during this demonstration of how dangerous earthquakes can be while cleaning up the down under.
  • Some quick trail hits: Tumey used the length of his penis to measure the first part of trail (short), but the jokes on the trail still tickled Just Matt’s bone just right, while Spelunker blew through 4 checks.
  • We all know mental health is important – we got some great advice from Just Sam, that one night with a prostitute did him more good than 4 psychologists, and it was probably cheaper. Way to get the most bang for you buck.
  • For the 2nd week in a row we were joined by the “Hohoho Greeeeeen Giant!” I mean Chuck Fuck with another bag of peas at opening circle, this time making sure to pea on B-Ho’s face before start as well. Lickthyologist also wanted to join in and put her nuts in B-Ho’s mouth.
  • Lickthyologist also regaled us with the tale of how her personal massager lasted only one minute as it was not fully charged. We are used to men letting us down, but not our devices.
  • We brought the beer bitch back! Thanks to Just Sam for keeping us hydrated, but we can agree he was an easy target (pic for proof).

Check out our Hash Flash photos here!!!!

EWH3 Trash #1464 – Shipping Up to Boston Trail

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 18th, 2025.

Started: Eisenhower Metro – Port St

Ended: Mount Eagle Park, near Huntington Station

Hares: Ha-Cum-On My Tatas, Pussy has Defects (PhD), and Close Encounters of the Turd Kind

Well the Mass-holes truly came out in full force tonight! A new trail bringing us out of the District, with distance and hills for our pack, you would have thought we were actually in Boston on Patriots Day for Marathon Monday. The accents made our ears bleed, but the never ending “ah F*ck you” almost became endearing by the end of the night. But one thing was for certain, whether you slipped some whiskey into your Dunkin or washed back a Sam Adams, it was the libations that surprisingly brought peace between the Massholes and the interloping Yanks and did not result in a bar fight at the end of the night. The unexpected arrival of surprise strippers just bonded the foes even more.

Violations

  • From the very start of circle our hare and the number one Masshole – Close Encounters of the Turd Kind really turned on his accent hard, however now no one else will ever be turn on from him again
  • All these miserable accents must have been angering the locals because a muggle wander toward opening circle, rocking his Yankees shirt, and making sure his dog took a dump on Red Sox territory.
  • The kennel was all collectively concerned about How Much Wood Could a Would Chuck F*ck – when he showed up with a Ziploc bags full of peas for his pre-trail dinner. Where you RIF’d? We all know NY has the best food in the world but we didn’t know it was that dire everywhere else…. Roose agreed to buy him a NY slice
  • Just Sam continues to think that he can just name himself during rego… Sir…you are not the Honorable Madame Secretary Hilary Queefton.
  • A visitor The Giver from New England (Bang ME H3), clearly showed she was from the quieter gentler NE and not Boston as she became the DFL not for being slow, but for abiding by every crosswalk and crossing signal. Is there an anti-safety third award?
  • The pack got off to a typical hash time start as Tumey McBoatface was late once again, but was surprised he did not blame it on the weather and unlike most Bostonians immediately mentioning the nor’easter we were gunna have that night
  • Just Rachel has the audacity to try to start a cult with in a cult, recruiting hashers to join Pilates.
  • At shot check KU taught Straight in the Navy’s daughter how to drive a stick and showed her where he could “pahk a cah in her Hahvahd Yahd”
  • Roose Rips while rocking her NY pinstripes must have been very allergic to Red Sox fans. Despite being completely sober, never ever having thrown up on trail or any athletic activity in her life, puked her guts out on the second half of trail.
  • One last violation for Turd, hurling slurs at the Yanks but he sure didn’t have a problem with that at WIE, dipping below the Massachusetts boarder, slipping into enemy territory.

Check out our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!

 

EWH3 Trash #1463 – Japanese Hanami in the Park

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 10th, 2025.

Started: Smithsonian Metro – 12th Street and Independence St Exit.

Ended: Lansburgh Park, Navy Yard

Hares: Roose Rips, Green Eggs and Nam, BDSM5, Ruth Masturbader Ginsberg

This was a trail was すごい “sugoi”, taking in the all the National Monuments on the mall at night. Peak bloom was over but we still caught some very かわいい “kawaii” cherry blossoms. The pack enjoyed traditional libations of Sake and Chu-hi’s and all raise a glass to say 乾杯 Kanpai!

Violations

  • One of our four legged pack members RCA, really impressed the pack at opening circle by warming up with us and she was pushing that button with her right elbow, quite the training feat from Ruth Masturbader Ginsberg. Tony Panda has only taught his dog to dododododododododo. RCA however did show her protest to DC by pooping on the mall.
  • Tony Panda was worried about algie growing on the dome – Shamrock pointed out good thing he is being violated a lot here because he will not be getting violated at home.
  • VagLaw who is supposed to be the “adult” in the group but was heard whining a lot on trail “are we there yet?”
  • Indecent Exposure:
    • Ass-Splunker misses the days when while stretching before running he could lick the his tip
    • Gumby gave us a plant watering demonstration and Ha-Cum-on-My-Tatas followed suit and chose the same spot as did others – Social!
    • Drop n Dip was corrupting the youth of DC by using the jungle gym as a very large Sex Toy.
    • Moose ran past the shot check and had to wait for the pack to catch up, and then was found at the ‘draw me’ check posed like one of those French girls.
    • Turd blames his poops on the CIA – The kennel was unsure how that happens… must be a dump of icky leaks!
    • Because these hares were big in Japan – Dingle regaled us with a song about Gozilla that involved stomping around, showing us her ゴジラ “Gojira” underwear, and smashing cans instead of buses

Check out our Hash Flash Photos Here!

EWH3 Trash #1462 – Is Everybody Happi?!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 3rd, 2025.

Started: National Portrait Gallery Steps on 7th St. NW (near Gallery Pl-Chinatown)

Ended: Archives-Navy Memorial

Hares: Whoriana Trench, Ha-Cum-On My Tatas, Lickthyologist, Ready Player None

They’re here! They’re here! They are finally here!!! After a many many years wait, an EWH3 Happi Coat order is finally here! IS EVERYBODY HAPPI???!!!?? You bet your ass we are! We really got back to our roots and celebrating all our hashing traditions. Which of course included a some great violations.

Violations

  • Now this was supposed to be a leisurely walker trail, but something wasn’t sitting well with Tragic Carpet Ride. Though he was rocking his Happi, his tummy wasn’t too happy with the possible pre-lube tea sandwiches that he chowed down at starting circle, blowing his chunks all in the first part of trail.
  • On an opposite note nothing was slowing down Oh Hey Not Gay, usually our very own yut yut illustrious Marine, but he must have missed land navigation in training as he blew right past a hook check and left the back of the runners pack behind. I thought Marine’s left no man behind.
  • Blueberry and the Beast as our fearless brew crew, was having it none of it at an unusually long beer check and wanted to get the show on the road. Only to commit the most heinous of all crimes of alcohol abuse by kicking over Oh Hey Not Gay’s full beer.
  • Whoriana Trench proved to be a true size queen, asking everyone to strip off their happi’s so she could check the size and take them for a spin before committing to it forever.
  • Just Matt was disappointed in the Canadian embassy for not exactly being “happi” about becoming a 51st They had no beer for us and not even “sorry eh”. This was a true sign to order these happi coats now before these tariffs hit… because these are definitely made overseas.

 

Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!

EWH3 Trash #1456 – The Love Your Pet Trail

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, February 20th, 2025.

Started: Eastern Market Metro

Ended: Virginia Ave Park

Hares: Latter Day Skank, Lawyers Share Dildos, Roose Rips, and Screaming Pussy

This lovingly laid trail, to pamper the paws of our best friends, was spoiled by extreme winter weather cold (THANKS RA!). Only the furriest and double coated pups braved the frost. We may have set the world record for shortest circle ever, this one was for the dogs, only those hashers who have their own layer of fur stood a chance. We escaped to warmth and rations of good ‘ol Trusty’s once more to throw a couple back before heading home to snuggle up to the real hares and hounds of our hearts.

Check out our HASH FLASH Photos Here!!!!