EWH3 #598– Not a Dupont Trail, Braddock Road

 

Hares: Blows a Tranny, Rear Protein Injection, General’s Farm Animal, Red Vag of Courage

 

Virgins: Just Paul, Brad, Stew, Cameron, Andrew, Marie, Constantine, Juan, Jon, Sarah, Guy with Glasses, Diane, Eddy, Mark, Andrew, Mike, Morgan

 

Visitors:             Utterly Seeking Sausage from Kansas City HHH

                        Anchor Spanker from Filthy New Orleans HHH

                        Pussy Longstockings from Boston HHH

 

OnOnOn: Fireflies

 

After karaoke at Freddie’s the week before, the hash decided it needed a break and so instead of Dupont, went to Braddock Road (note to self: when a hasher tells you that she made out with you at Freddie’s because she thought you were gay and so unthreatening, and you don’t remember any of this, then you’ve already lost).  The pack gathered around a field of some sorts, eagerly looking around for virgin interns (it is the summer).  They came, but unfortunately were mostly dudes.  There was also a rumor of icing and 4loko chugging going on beforehand, but this can neither be confirmed nor denied (just kidding they both totally happened).

 

The pack ran off on a trail that was immediately shortcutted by Wax On Whacks Off.  We zagged and zigged throughout the fine neighborhoods of Alexandria.  Of special/sad note: we came to two boob checks but no boobs (and actually maybe a bit of ‘tude).  Ladies, you know the crowd you’re getting yourself into!  Take one for the team- you know we’d all do the same for you.

 

After drinking some tasty adult beverages in a church parking lot, we were off again, this time through some street festival on Mount Vernon, which gave the EWH3 attention whores a taste of what they would have received had we ran through Dupont.  The pack then turned into the back of a bread warehouse where we had circle/fun/beer/snacks.

 

Violations

 

Poops Deville unsuccessfully tried to get the hash to switch from 4loko to Mad Dog 20/20 at beginning circle.

 

We here at EWH3 follow rules to the T, so you can imagine our disappointment when Just Brennan, Just Sam, and Just Brittany thought they’d be cute and sprint through the boob checks…

 

Wank Like An Egyptian went to a bar 10 minutes before it closed, hit on five girls, but still went home to masturbate alone. 

 

John 369 wore a kickball shirt to the hash.  Enough said.

 

Just Rich admitted to cleaning his shoes with alcohol after each run.  Lucky for him, we had a whole van full of alcohol for him to pour into his shoes, only this time he had to drink it out.

 

Just Sarah wore a racist shirt on trail.  She was brought by Just Rich, which was good for him, because he had another shoe to drink out of.

 

Just Brittany had a race chip on her shoes.

 

When asked what race her aforementioned race chip was from, Just Brittany smugly replied, “Um, the last one I ran in.”  No sh!t.

 

Just Brittany admitted to getting really really drunk the night before and pleased “Please don’t make me drink free beer!”

 

***note: here ends my attempts to accost Just Brittany with violations.

 

Red Vag of Courage of took the trail to a bread factory and she brought all the yeast.

 

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

Poops Deville, Pee Wee’s Little Adventure, and Just Jon were standing in a corner in their boxers hold cups of beer above their heads and trying to pour it into their mouths with straight arms.  They called the game Dr. Straight Arm, but there was really nothing straight about it.

 

Presidential Nasty went to school for 13 years but still finds himself unemployed…well, actually, let’s call it funemployed. 

 

Zam-Bone-Me was overheard having a heated Twilight debate.

 

Cum Dumpling ran away from shaggy twice, each time squealing like a tiny girl.

 

 

We then of course did that thing with the names and the new names and the jokes…

 

Just Jade (not her porn name) is an accountant.  Her favorite Disney movie is Robin Hood.  She lost her virginity at 18 and never looked back…She’s had sex in a golf cart and two threesomes in one night.  Mile High Snub once crashed at her and her husband’s place (for this story “husband” is a synonym for “luckiest man alive”).  Mile High Snub was passed out in the bathroom when Just Jade came in at 3:30 AM naked on a break from a threesome.  Why she did not invite her fourth guest, we will never know….

 

Suggested Names:             18th Hoe

                                    Triple Hoegie

                                    Double Eagle

                                    Tiger’s Wood

                                     I Think We Need a Fourth

                                    Motley Screwed

                                    Abra-Kastabra

                                    Little Bit of a Stretch

 

After much deliberation and debate (no, seriously), the pack decided that from now on, Just Jade will be known as I Think We Need a Fourth.

 

We sang songs, went to the bar and despite not being in Dupont or Freddie’s, still managed to sing “I Want it That Way” by the Backstreet Boys.

 

-Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe

EWH3 #596: TourDuhHash Leg 7- “The Hash Set Me Up” Trail, Anacostia Metro

 

Hares: MotorMouth, JackOffLantern, Just Chris

 

Virgins: Just Neco, Warner, James, Megan, Jimmy, Brian, Angelo, Nick, Dan, Mali,

Christina, Ryan, Anna, Steven, Roger, Menelik, French Guys

 

Visitors:               Dial F for Faggot, who has been hashing around North Carolina

                            Anchor Spanker, from New Orleans H3

                            Marathon Meth Man from Kansas City

                            Snake Charmer from Bangkok

 

OnOnOn: The Player’s Lounge (Georgina’s)

 

 

For most hashers, getting on the Green Line has always meant only going so far south as the ballpark, when it’s Green Line Lite.  But Thursday was special- not only was it the 7th leg of the 2010 TourDuhHash, but we were also headed straight into Southeast DC.  Hashers in large groups (this time, safety was NOT third) poured out of the Anacostia Metro and headed towards the start.  Amidst calls of “What are you all doin’ here?” and license plates that read “BLING,” we circled up and Rear Protein Injection, one of our lovely GMs, handed out the TourDuhHash Jerseys (or, in one awkward case, tried to.  Darling, if you got ‘em, why not flaunt ‘em?).

 

The pack was off through the neighborhoods of historic Anacostia.  The trail wound down to an overgrown train track, or as one hasher on trail noted, “the place where they found the body in Stand By Me.”  We went through a couple of neighborhoods, got yelled at from a few corners, until the hares steered us into some shiggy.  Now, hashers who felt relieved by leaving the, um, urban shiggy for a more rural bit, were soon regretting it, because by shiggy these hares meant PI.  Oh and wasps…yes, for once it was fun night being an FRB, because those fast wankers’ screams of “Wasps!  Wasps!” warned the rest of the pack to find another route out of the thicket

 

Finally we emerged along a pool and a basketball court, along which Cum On Prancer had a water bottle thrown at his head.  Yea!  We reached the beer check, which had an amazing view of NoVA and DC.  We drank, and were off, headed back towards MLK BLVD.  We reached the end behind OnOnOn, and the pack continued to consume their beers. 

 

 

Violations

 

6 Pigs in a Blanket was overheard saying “No, I did not stick my thumb in there,” which of course begs the question, Why not?

 

Everyone Wearing Vibrams was violated for being put to shame by Bear, who ran the entire trail without any shoes, despite broken 40s and shiggy abound.  That’s right, if you want to “run like Paleolithic man,” then actually do it.

 

MotorMouth was violated for taking us all the way out to Anacostia, only for the pack to be attacked by W.A.S.P.’s.

 

The Hares apparently Google Map’d “PI” and then took us directly there.

 

Though the hash was already a bit out of place, the Hillbilly Hashers had to go and up the ante by wearing Confederate flag shirts on trail.  Guys, you lost!

 

Along the same line, Herpicles decided it was appropriate to carry a watermelon on trail pretending it was her baby.

 

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

The Frenchies were violated for touting their flag on trail after losing to Mexico the same day…ouch.

 

Hungry Hungry Homo spent a whole week riding, but his ass was sore. 

 

Fucks Up, Doc? apparently hurt some peoples’ feelings, because she was violated for being the meanest Jubilee.

 

Whiskey Business felt bold enough to scribe and pass out violations while wearing a race-ist shirt. 

 

Double Ohhh, Positive forced Little Red Ride-Me-Good to lie about her age just to get engaged.

 

 

And then, of course, it was time for a naming!

 

Just TrainWreck, ahem, I mean, Just Mary went to Loyola College, and now she “does web stuff.”  Hmm, off to a good start.  Her favorite Disney movie is The Little Mermaid.  She lost her V-card at age 18, and she claimed that her most embarrassing sexual moment was when her and whoever broke the bed and then someone walked in on them naked.  Right….

 

And then the fun stuff came out!  She had sex in a Levi Outlet dressing room, because she’s kinda easy, but also thrifty!  She turned two guys gay and one into a monk, been peed on before, and can pull guys out of a dorm room hall right quick!  Don’t worry though, because she is smart about this behavior: she has a safe word- Pineapple!

 

Names:            Acid Wash

                        Pineapple Express

                        Upside-Down Pineapple Cake

                        Kinda a Whore

                        Straight to Gay

                        Fruit Cocktail

                        Pee on Your Colada

 

 

After much deliberation (and giggling, mostly by this highly immature scribe), Just Mary was deemed Pee on Your Colada!

 

We drank, we sang, we ate fried chicken at Georgina’s.

 

Come this Week and WEAR YOUR JORTS!

Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe

 

EWH3 #594 – I-Did-A-Dawg, Capitol South

HaresCum Dumpling, CoXXX on Demand, Shamrock Your Cock, Silver Spooge, Saskatchewsnatch

Brew Crew:  Brokeback Mama, Return to Ender

Virgins:  Just Ed, Abby, Alex, Matt, Erica, and James

Visitors:  Anchor Spanker (New Orleans H3)

Ononon:  Remington’s

 

It’s that time of year again, time for the 5th(?) Anal I-Did-a-Dawg, in which wankers form teams, dress in costumes, and push one team member in a “sled” on trail.  Out of the 100ish wankers to show up to the pack, there were only 3 teams:  Wizard of Paws (the hares, and if you can’t guess what their theme is, you need more help than I can possibly give you), Slick ‘n’ Slide (a big chunk of mismanagement, dressed like the BP oil spill), and Arizona (complete with dudes in ponchos and one guy in Super Trooper shorts, but lacking a “sled”).  Unlike every other hash, there wasn’t an actual trail that was marked:  instead, the hares would tell the pack to go to a certain intersection, and everyone would run there and wait until the hares, slowed by their need to push a team member in a “sled,” caught up.  And wow, let me tell you, the hash is so much easier and more fun when, rather than running, you’re being pushed in a wheelchair that’s tilted back onto its rear wheels.  Whee!  Though I can’t help but wonder how many tourists and other muggles thought that I was an actual handicapped person, being cruelly tortured by my teammates.  After running to a few different corners around the Hill, the pack ended up in an alley for beer check, and miraculously, I could walk again! 

The second half ran the same way as the first, with the pack waiting for the hares to give directions to the next corner.  This time around, though, the hares had broken their “sled,” leaving only Team Slick ‘n’ Slide with a vehicle.  The team took me for a nice, short (too short) ride to end circle in Garfield Park, where I regained the ability to walk to the beer once again.

 

Violations:

  • Tony Panda wore brand new drinking vessels.
  • Silver Spooge, while holding the tornado that was attached to Team Wizard of Paws’ cart, said, “It’s sucking me!”  That’s the most action he’s gotten all year.
  • Motor Mouth and Put It Out tried and failed to pick up female kickball players–a difficult feat, since those girls are even easier than harriettes!
  • Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Cock made a gas chamber joke to Vienna Sausage.  Too soon!
  • Just Brian had phone sex on trail.  Wait, no, he was just looking up directions to the next stop.  And the directions he got were wrong. 
  • The hares, because this was the first trail where it was ok to just follow the pack.
  • Clappy Birthday is moving to the other Washington, to be with the girl who gave him the clap.
  • Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me said that I’m Lick James, Bitch! should join Team Slick ‘n’ Slide because, like the oil slick, he’s shiny and black. 

 

Violations from the Crowd:

  • Team Slick ‘n’ Slide dressed as the BP oil spill, even though there was a visitor from NOLA.  Too soon!
  • Tits for Tots got walked in on while changing–she was pantsless–and immediately fell down with her legs up in the air.
  • 6 Pigs in a Blanket was heard saying, “It’s usually filled with fags.”  We can only assume she was talking about her vagina.
  • Cum Dumpling busted out of his dress despite not actually having boobs.
  • PIO stole Moby’s, oops, I mean RPI’s, hat.
  • Choke ’em if you Got ’em and Me Chub You Long Time returned from Afghanistan.  Welcome back, boys!
  • John 3:69 likes them short and sweet.
  • Tits for Tots needed help squeezing poles.
  • PIO was wearing dog ears on trail, and the older you get, the more they sag.
  • A Salt My Ass was complaining about how he’s getting fat–he could always re-enlist in the Marines and then he’d get skinny like Choke ‘Em and Me Chub You Long Time.
  • I’m Lick James, Bitch! brought a bag so big that you could fit a small child inside it. 

Then it was time for a very regular occasion, a NAMING!

Just Tom is from Minnesota, so, naturally, he likes big women.  He attended St. Louis University, the mascot of which is the Millikin, which is some magical creature that looks like the love child of an elf and the Buddha, and majored in political science and international studies.  He now works for Head Start and as a barista and is vegetarian, so his belly is all from beer.  Just Tom lost his virginity when he ws 16, to a 17-year-old, in a seedy Wisconsin hotel.  He once called a girl by his ex-girlfriend’s name during sex.  Oops.  Just Tom can’t decide whether he prefers The Lion King or Aladdin, but he does like turkeys, cowgirl sex, and amateur porn (though he hasn’t made any–his roommate, SWAB, on the other hand…).  Just Tom is apparently romantic with dudes.  Bromantic? He likes to take a shot of Black Velvet for luck and then go crazy before giong out.  When he was little, Just Tom once called his grandfather a bitch.  Confused much?  Or is Assflac his grandfather?  Finally, Just Tom once took a girl home from the hash, but all he got was a hand job that was so bad, he ended up with injuries. 

Nominations that didn’t suck were:

  • Bromance
  • Keebler MILF
  • 16 Coming on 17
  • HandiClap
  • I Can’t Believe It’s Not Syphilis!
  • Von Clap Family
  • Compost Pile
  • E.L. Fudge
  • Red Line to Sore Cock


Henceforth and forevermore, throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls, fuck them!), Just Tom will be known as Compost Pile.  After a rousing chorus of “Is Everybody Happy,” we all went to the bar, sang karaoke, and tried to get laid.

Screw running, I’d rather ride at all the hashes from now on,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe

EWH3 #593: “Attention Whores Trail” U Street/African-Amer Civil War Memorial/Cardozo

 

Hares: Chippen Failz, Assflac, Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me, Fucks Up Doc?, Wank Like an Egyptian

 

Virgins: Just Justin, Amber, Molly, Rebecca, Adam, Mark, Adam, Matt

 

Visitors: Turdburg from somewhere foreign HHH

 

OnOnOn: Solly’s AKA Chippen Failz’s backup for when he becomes homeless….because we all know it’s inevitable.

 

 

Hashers far and wide in the DMV came to U Street for a good time Thursday (well, two Thursdays ago…whoops!).  Fortunately this time, no chalk was needed to find the start- all you had to listen for was Assflac bitching about something.  Or Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me being inappropriate.  Or Chippen Failz being rejected by women.  Or Fucks Up Doc? angrily yelling at somebody/something/some child.  Or Wank Like an Egyptian crying in the corner.  Yes, it was the Attention Whore hash, a group of hares so busy not-getting-laid that they like to be loud!

 

The pack ran through the U Street area, raising eyebrows as they followed trail, or people who were following trail (or people who thought they were following trail).  The beer check was in a small alley tucked behind a swanky, swanky, swanky apartment.  The pack drank some beer and then headed back out into the neighborhoods around U Street before ending behind the Black Cat, giving hasher hipsters (hey Tits!) a huge boner.

 

Violations

 

The Hares wanted to get the token black guy but settled for Wank Like an Egyptian

 

6 Pigs in a Blanket gave a PSA out for the single men at the hash when she noted that no matter how hard she tries, she just can’t gag.

 

Edgar Allen Hoe was shocked when she didn’t need to show her tits to stop traffic.  Here’s to giving her another chance!

 

Just Richard and Just Danny came to the hash wearing matching socks and new shoes.  Drink up!

 

Pee Wee’s Little Adventure walked in on Tits for Tots naked three times at a party and didn’t do anything about it.

 

Just Justin was commended for being the man who introduced ¡4loko! to the hash!

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

Just Adam didn’t go to the hash one week because he wanted to see Twilight New Moon.

 

Whiskey Business apparently hits on students.  Come on guys….

 

Slipknot got in a fight with a knife-wielding midget in the Metro and lost.  Or ran through a lot of PI.

 

Whiskey Business smoked and pulled a lot of meat the other weekend.

 

Nobody Puts Labia in the Corner needs liquid courage to talk to anything.  Period.

 

Motormouth somehow did not make it onto the hare list for the Attention Whore hash.

 

Just Alison was asking people to squeeze her but didn’t let anyone follow through with it.

 

 

And then it was time for a special occasion.  Yes, it was a naming!

 

 

Just Alex went to Virginia Tech and was a geography major.  He grew up in DC and has worked for 7-11.  He was in ROTC and is all military and stuff.  I’m pretty sure he’s something badass, so I’m going to shut up now.  When he was 21 and at Fort Benning, he hooked up with a girl in a bar, and then back in the car, where she started beating him because she thought she was getting raped.  And then he still slept with her.  He once slept with a 37 year-old black woman.  I really think I butchered this….but anyway, onto the names!

 

-Apu On My Chest

– GI Blow

– Super Big Gulp

– Just a Gulp

– Self-Serve Perv

– Dia-beat Me

-Shooting Blanks

 

Yup, you may have guessed it.  Even with all that information, we managed to go with the most offensive name thought of at the hash (thanks Assflac!), naming Just Alex Shooting Blanks!  Too soon…

 

We went to Solly’s and tried to hit on hot U Street girls (or at least I did).  It was nice and then it rained.

 

Here’s to fun,

 

Whiskey Business

EWH3 #592 – WNDC Fail Trail, Virginia Square

HaresSrsly, all of WNDC:  Cunt of the Litter, If I Were A Stiff Man, Cocktuplets, Peter Peter Manhole Eater, My Little Pony, EZ Pass, Can You Rear Me Now, Fluffer No Butther, Chip ‘n’ Fails (sort of)

Brew Crew:  The Udder Ho, Shamrock Your Cock

Virgins:  Just Kennedy, Jessica, Bill, Matt, Tom, David, Kelly, Olivia, Jill, Erin, Andrew, Cole, Kristin, Anya, Shannon, Eric and James

Visitors:  Up Her Alley (Ben Franklin Mob (Philly) H3), Just Braden (Eugene, OR H3), and some chick who didn’t know who she was or where she was from

Analversaries:  69–Fuxedo; 100–Cum of a Preacher’s Hand.  If there were any more, I blame the four shots for not writing down what they were.

Ononon:  Hunan No. 1

The pack circled up in a field in scenic No Va.  We’d decided that namings hadn’t been interesting enough lately, so we brought out the fuzzy handcuffs, to cuff some poor unsuspecting Just to someone who’d get some good dirt out of him or her.  We decided that Chip ‘n’ Fails would be a good interrogator, and, much to his chagrin, we cuffed him to Just Joe.  After that, we were off.  The pack ran towards Ballston, and before we knew it, we reached the first shot check, red bull and vodka in a parking garage.  Now that we were chock full of energy, we headed back onto trail.  After a minimal amount of shiggy, we got to the second shot check–Firefly.  Mmm, tastes like bad decisions.  But enough about my weekend.  After a brief stretch on the Mt Vernon Trail (or was is the W&OD trail?  Virginia confuses me.), we ended up at beer check in another parking garage. 

Well hydrated, the pack set off on the second half of trail.  In almost no time, we ended up at the third shot check–I don’t know what it was, but it was bright yellow, and it was served behind a truck.  Stay classy, WNDC!  After that, trail took us to Clarendon, where we found the fourth shot check in a parking garage.  Best yet, this shot was 4LOKO!!  I think we may have lost Whisky Business  and WOWO around there, but fortunately for them, we ran out to Wilson Boulevard, only to double back to the fourth shot check location and end up there.

Violations:

  • Red Vag of Courage was trolling craigslist looking for ads about poop.  I think there are more specialized websites if that’s what you’re into, ask Savage Love.
  • Chip ‘n’ Fails used a safe word to get out of his handcuffs after all the dirt he could get out of Just Joe was heavy breathing and, “he’s fast.”
  • Just Kelly complained about the water crossing, saying, “As if I’m not wet enough already.”  No such thing!
  • Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Cock supplied the hash with fuzzy handcuffs that, despite having a live-in girlfriend, he’d never used.  FAIL.
  • Just Martina was too horny to wait to pick up guys at the on-on-on and opted for straddling a fencepost instead. 
  • Imaginary Girlfriend thought Just Martina was a man.  Come on, it’s not that dark, and you weren’t that drunk.
  • Cum Dumpling needed help putting Icy Hot on his ball sack.
  • Peter Peter Manhole Eater was the other kind of racist and confused Fucks Up, Doc? with Have Fun Storming the Asshole.  Dude, not all Asians look alike.  Not even all Chiwegians look alike.
  • I’m Lick James, Bitch! is trying to raise funds for a wounded soldier campaign.  Just because you haven’t been getting laid, that doesn’t mean you’re wounded.
  • Wax On, Whacks Off and Tit-Ka-Boob wore matching scrubs.  Aw, what a cute couple.
  • Also in the cute couple department, Whisky Business and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Cock went off together to pee during beer check.  The couple that sprays together, stays together!!
  • Double-Ohh Positive said he was too drunk to hare the walkers’ trail, but he wasn’t too drunk to take all our money at sign-in.

Violations from the Crowd:

  • Just Shannon and Just Jess both wore brand new drinking vessels.
  • Tits for Tots boned up on her language skills by learning how to say “cougar” in Welsh.
  • Whisky Business claims he’s not gay, but he was waving at dudes like a chorus girl.
  • Uh-Oh, A Squirty Ho!, despite being a virgin and there being a ton of new, single, female harriettes in attendance, was only talking to dudes all night.  That explains so much, no?
  • Just Shy–look at her name, she needs no other reason to be violated.
  • Cum Dumpling has more hair on his ass than he does on his head.
  • Whisky Business chugged 4LOKO but was still jealous of a girl who had boxed wine.
  • Motor Mouth wore his Hef robe again.

Then it was time for a very regular occasion, a NAMING!

Just Joe went to Lehigh, the mascot of which is the Mountain Hawks.  He now works for a defense contractor, as an engineer and likes Peter Pan and horses.  During Just Joe’s freshman year, he was getting head from a girl on the top bunk in his dorm room, she fell off, and the RA came in and investigated him for domestic violence.  Maybe that’s why he didn’t lose his virginity until he was 21.  That fateful night, or, more accurately, those fateful 3 minutes, Just Joe was dressed as Santa Claus, the girl was dressed as an elf, and he kept his beard on during sex.  Damn, and I get annoyed when guys don’t take off their socks.  He’s been arrested twice, once for a drunk and disorderly that sent him to the hospital when he got his ass kicked by a parking meter.  Just Joe was recently out grabbing random girls’ asses, though I wonder if whoever told that story got the gender mixed up, because Just Joe has also gotten kicked out of Remington’s for taking his shirt off.  Finally, Just Joe went looking for a man on craigslist (what’s with all the craigslist this week?) and found St. Pauli Girl.

Nominations that didn’t suck were:

  • Santa Claus is Cumming
  • Don’t Tase Me, Joe!
  • We Three Queens
  • Jolly Old Saint Frick
  • Never Never Slammed
  • The Virgin Hairy
  • Saint Dickless
  • Come On Prancer


It was a tough call, but Come On Prancer narrowly won out over Never Never Slammed  After a rousing chorus of “Is Everybody Happy,” we all went to the bar, drank really big beers, and tried to get laid.

Bisous,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe

EWH3 #591- A Red River Runs Dry- Hashlor Party!!! Trail (Takoma Park)

 

Hares: A Red River Runs Through It, Cumdumpling, Coxxx on Demand, Brokeback Mama

 

Virgins: Just Danny, Richard, Jackson, Brian, Emily, Willis, Brian, Chabon, Sherellb, Owen

 

Visitors:             Loose Change (Hillbilly Hash)

                        Mother May I (Estranged EWH3; Homeless)

 

Ononon: Roscoes Pizzeria

 

 

The pack circled up on a nice grassy knoll outside of the Takoma Park metro stop.  A Red River Runs Through It had deemed the hash his best way to spend his last night of freedom.  His fiancé, on the other hand, was not present since she went with the traditional sweaty-guy-rubbing-his-junk-everywhere type of party.  Wait a second…

 

There were plenty of dogs present (I mean the ones with fur on 4 legs and for once am not being chauvinistic…come on, it’s the summer at EWH3!).  This was great because Have Fun Storming the Asshole’s pup used her doggie-senses to warn us of the sh!tty trail ahead by, you guessed it, actually taking a sh!t in the middle of the start circle.  We thought it was funny at the time.  If only we knew…

 

The pack merrily (yes, merrily) ran through the beautiful streets of Takoma, MD before coming to a beer stop in an alley.  Kudos to brew crew, whose spectacular parking job made a really enjoyable bottleneck around Plan B, creating two different beer checks.  You got that, virgins…two separate areas to be awkwardly hit on.  After drinking we ran some more- hit some false trails, trekked up and down some hills, and then finally came to the end where we were welcomed by Wax On Whacks Off and an 18 pack of Vienna Sausage cans.  Can anyone say “processed-meat-juice-shot?!”

 

 

Violations

 

Put it Out was in Europe where he said he’d had the best hotdog in his life in Vienna, but he didn’t have to travel all the way across the world to go down on some Vienna Sausage.

 

Speaking of Vienna Sausage, when most people say they’re bringing an 18-pack they mean beer.  Wax On Whacks Off, on the other hand, went with processed meat.

 

Sphincter Shy was paired in a wedding party with a 15 year-old girl.  We don’t know what he was doing exactly, but apparently his dad had to remind him that she was only 15.

 

Mother May I just came back from OBGYN school where she admitted to “spending a year putting fingers up butts.”

 

I’ll Push Back and I’ll Packa enhanced their homosexual image by wearing matching Christmas-themed shirts to the hash.

 

PoPo Disco was overheard telling General’s Farm Animal that she “only wanted the mustache.”

 

All MisManagement was violated for having a 42-message long e-mail chain on the correct spelling of bukkake.

 

The Hares were violated since even a dog recognized that it was literally a sh!tty trail. 

 

Wank Like an Egyptian showed up to a hash dressed like an Egyptian Charlie Brown.

 

Chic’n Fuck’er looked like Lance just out of chemo.

 

Just ______ showed up wearing new shoes to the hash.  Use your imagination as to what happened next.

 

Blows a Tranny announced that he needs to get away from Bush. 

 

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

Roll Over Bitch is having a tough time adjusting to girls swallowing (probably because he’s used to the other gender…)

 

At one point, Vienna Sausage departed from his usual lumbering pace on trail to an all-out sprint.  The logical conclusion?  Hiding Jews ahead.

 

A Red River Runs Through It decided to spend his last night of freedom hanging out with a bunch of sweaty guys- funny because Colleen, his fiancé, was doing the same thing.

 

 

There was, of course, a special event before the usual special event: MisManagement deemed it only appropriate that, since A Red River Runs Through It was committing to only one vagina for the rest of his life, we must bukkake him.  Or boobcocky?  We didn’t know, but a lot of beer was shot in his face nonetheless.  And then we got back on track to….a NAMING!

 

Just Melissa is an accountant.  She was a Seminole at Florida State before coming to DC.  The meanest thing that she ever did was run over a kid on her bike back in the day.  Once, in Atlanta she got drunk off of a latte drink with Jager and then fell over.  She lost her V-Card at 18, and has had a certain substance shot in her eye on multiple occasions.  She lives with lesbian lovers and is notorious for taking unsuspecting hashers back to her place, where she expects much but gives little in return.  She was once in a Fuji Film commercial as a little girl.  Seeing as we are EWH3, guess which part of her many stories we chose to run with…

 

Names:            The Goggles!  They Do Nothing!

                        Fuji Filth

                        E Pluribus Sploogum

                        My Eye Captain!

                        Gator Bait

                        Catcher in the Eye

 

After little deliberation (I mean, it was dragging on) the hash decided that henceforth and forever more, Just Melissa would be referred to as, you guessed it, Catcher in the Eye!

 

The beer was cold, the pizza was good, and everybody was happy.

 

 

See you tomorrow,

Whiskey Business

 

 

EWH3 #590- Cinco de Mustache Trail (Van Ness)

 

Hares: Hungry Hungry Homo, T!ts for Tots, Konichi [email protected], Just Lauren, y possible Mystery Hare

 

Virgins: Just Tenley, John, Ian, Rob, Grahm, Dave, Nisha, Dan, Heather, Jessie, Denai (?), Stephanie, Chris, Peter, Fred, Matt, Jeff, Ryan, Elise, Mora, James, Bill, Rebecca, Shabon

 

Visitors: Wax On Whacks Off from Nigeria, not to be confused with our own WoWo..mainly because this one is a she.

 

Ononon: Guapos

 

 

The pack circled up at Van Ness with plenty of time to check out each others’ mustaches.  For those hashers that are facial hair challenged, there was also ample time to choose your favorite mustache fake-tattoo, Band-Aid, or take a marker to the face.  I’m not speaking from personal experience or anything…mine was totally real…

 

After a rousing rendition of Cinco de Mustache, the pack ran off and soon found itself in the woods.  Darting back and forth across the rocks along a tiny stream with over a hundred mustached people chugging along behind me, I couldn’t help but wonder if this is what it felt like crossing into Arizona these days (or out of, who wants to be in Arizona anyway?).  As the pack came out of the woods we were greeted by T!ts for Tots and a healthy amount of straight, high-class tequila shots.  I’m positive that it was Patron.  After the early shot-check the pack ran along for a bit more, lost trail here and there (but can you really lose something that was never laid?  Hmmm), and eventually came to the beer check in an alley behind some houses.  Rear Protein Injection soon began to sweat, and not because of the heat but because of our location, only to be reassured by the owners of said houses came out to oogle at us, and then drink with us. 

 

There was a second half, but at that point I was preoccupied with trying to plan my attack on the virgins (which, we found out later, 11/13 of the female virgins were single.  Note to self: high odds does not ensure success).  We ended by the electrical tower, drank, and enjoyed the brief company of a cop.

 

 

Violations

 

Blows a Tranny kept talking about pulling things out of his ass, only he wasn’t being figurative, he was being literal.

 

6 Pigs in a Blanket and Cock-a-Doodle-Do Me wore their Tough Mudder t-shirts because they wanted to prove that women can be tough.

 

On to a different, less funny and more serious type of racist, Just Jade was overheard saying “Kool-Aid check” when we ran by some folk.

 

The Hares took all the time in the world to draw the cute little mustaches on trail but forgot to actually take the time to lay a good trail.

 

I’ll Packa wanted to make out with T!ts for Tots’ mustache.  Not her, just her mustache.  This explains why he was seen leaving Apex last weekend.

 

Butt Fuck Norris learned that when you wear a race shirt to the hash, you’re a racist, but when you wear your Muay Thai boxing shorts, you’re just gay.

 

Just Keith, Rob, Andrew, and Eliza painted a huge target on their backs when they decided to simultaneously rock out in their GW cross-country uniforms and make it even more painful for us alumni to associate ourselves with that school.

 

All the virgins were violated since we could not figure out which hasher blew himself up to get all 72 of them there.

 

RU-469? attended a donkey-punch class.  And I thought there were some things in life that you can’t teach.

 

General’s Farm Animal offered tequila to virgins, stating “open your mouth and let it fall in.”  Just because you say it to them when they’re sober doesn’t make it less creepy when you try it again later.

 

Just Mike was overheard describing how “the first time was my fault but the other two were consensual.”  As long as you’re batting over 500 buddy…

 

Just Allison was commended for puking and rallying on trail

 

Rumpleforeskin brought 4 Justs and was subsequently bukkaked.  (NOTE TO SELF: when google-ing “bukkake” for spelling purposes, do not be shocked by what comes up)

 

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

Because of their mustaches, we could not tell PoPo Disco and Just Josh apart.

 

Don’t Ask was the closest thing we had to a Mexican for our Cinco de Mustache hash. 

 

6 Fags wore a fanny pack to the hash filled with candy because he was on a mission to get to 7 Fags.

 

Whiskey Business was can’t get any but just because he doesn’t grow chest hair doesn’t mean he can go after a priest.

 

 

And then, of course, we had a naming!

 

Just Sam, who looks like a more creepy version of Christopher Walken, went to West Point (Mule) for his undergraduate education and Providence (Friar) for his masters.  His favorite sexual position is doggystyle.  His dad once walked in on him and his girlfriend, who was on top, and stayed to watch.  He once chaperoned a dance and slept with one of his students’ date (clarifications: his student was a male and so the date was supposedly female; said students were in college already).  One time he had sex with a girl and then came on her friends’ face.  Oh, and he commands a battalion.  Wait, what?!?

 

Some names:

 

Lester the Molester

All Over My Face!

Permission to be Nasty, Sir!

2 Girls, 1 Nut

Double Tap

Bay of Pigs

 

RPI’s Bay of Pigs stole the show, and it was decided that Just Sam become Bay of Pigs.

 

We ran out of beer.  Guapos had good food.

 

 

 

Did anyone else find Betty White oddly attractive on SNL this week?

 

-Whiskey Business 

EWH3 #589 – Urban Cowboy Trail, Minnesota Avenue

HaresGaystation, Red Vag of Courage, Six Pigs in a Blanket, Six Fags, Axl Blows

Brew Crew:  JAG Queen, Saskatchewsnatch

Virgins:  Just Alice, Clare, Marissa, Michael, Miranda, Sid, Natalie, Alex

Visitors:  Chicken Pot Guy (New Orleans H3), Eat My Twat (Sir Walter Raleigh H3–transplant)

Analversaries:  100 runs–Double-Ohh Positive

Ononon:  Remingtons

 

The pack circled up in a field in the middle of the ghetto.  The runners’ hares had given Axl Blows a speech to read, but since EWH3 has no attention span whatsoever, he ended up getting a “shots fired” in opening circle.  Real smart idea for this neighborhood, kids.  After that, we were off.  Trail went on and on and on, and we eventually ended up in Anacostia Park.  There was a turkey-eagle split right before the river.  The turkeys crossed the river over an old, wooden bridge and then climbed around a fence to end up near RKF Stadium.  While crossing the river, we saw a beaver–no, not that kind of beaver, get your minds out of the gutter, folks!–an actual beaver, swimming in the river.  The eagles had to ford their way across the river and probably caught all kinds of diseases.  Use condoms, kids!  After that, the pack came back together, ran past the Stadium and through some neighborhoods until we came to the shot check, Sparks in the swanky back yard of a really nice house.  There were two guys and a couple of little kids hanging out in the back, and when someone asked, we found out that that’s where Six Fags lives.  That explains so much about his name!  Once we had some much-needed energy and booze, we ran a few more blocks to a beer check in an alley. 

That was already about 4.5 miles, kids!  There was a second half for runners, including another beer check, and from what I heard, it was short.  But after a surprise ball-buster the week before and a r*ce the previous Sunday, I was a lazy scribe and decided to walk the second half.  We ended up in Garfield Park, where we were visited by a “stripper” on a motorcycle, who, fortunately, told us not to make him come back here again, and rode off into the sunset, leaving us to drink more beer.

 

Violations:

  • Axl Blows–we didn’t know Kid Rock was coming to the hash!
  • Keyless Entry fell and hurt herself, so now instead of being a cuddle muffin, she’s a crumb cake.
  • Six Fags came out on Facebook today:  either we’re all really proud of him, or, after last week’s very special violation, he really should have learned to never leave his cell phone unattended around his friends.
  • Chip ‘n’ Fails was confused:  from the waist up, he was ready for the hash, but from the waist down, he was going scuba diving.
  • Just Melody is pregnant, which means she is allowing Axl Blows to reproduce.  He had to drink for 3. 
  • Cum Dumpling tried to run opening circle in the middle of the street, even though Wookin Pa Nub just got busted for that.
  • The hares, because bitches set Axl Blows up!
  • 6 Pigs in a Blanket said, “it’ll be too tight in there, but you can try.”  That’s not what we’ve heard. 
  • Just Jade was carrying a fuel belt water bottle because her mouth gets dry.  Dude, the guys at the hash won’t care, as long as other parts of you are wet.
  • The hares loaded all the liquid in the rear.
  • Just Kathy doubled over when she heard someone say, “look, a beaver!”  Um, they weren’t looking at you.
  • Six Fags left his virgin stranded.  You don’t want to do that, they have so much to learn!
  • Vienna Sausage won the award for desperate pickup line of the week by telling a harriette, “I’m a secretion agent.”
  • Just Anne made a purse into a denim vest to go along with the theme tonight.  You made it work, but it’s the hash, not Project Runway.
  • Bitch on bitch on Bitch and Just Anne couldn’t open their throats enough to shotgun a beer, and refused to let Put it Out teach them how.
  • I’ll Packa and General’s Farm Animal whipped out their flasks to compare sizes.  I’ll Packa’s was bigger. 
  • And finally, Mile High Snub was heard saying, “That was refreshing and disgusting at the same time.”  We’re not sure if she was referring to the Anacostia River, or to Under the Semen’s lovemaking the night before.

 

Violations from the Crowd:

  • Just Jamie dressed like Debbie Does Dallas.
  • Tits for Tots dressed according to theme in circle, even though no one else did.
  • Whisky Business ran by the school he teaches at and didn’t get propositioned by any 12-year-olds.
  • Uncle Tom’s Stabbin’  was on all fours and was still taller than Six Fags.
  • Chip ‘n’ Fails really, really wanted to scribe, so he could have another excuse to creepily pick up dudes.
  • I’m Lick James, Bitch! was disappointed that no one confused him with Mayor Fenty this week.  He also didn’t understand what the neighborhood kids were saying.  “Excuse me, stewardess, he doesn’t speak jive.”
  • Whisky Business was heard yelling, “Prick check!” on trail.  I know it’s small, but do you really need to tell us all when you’re making sure it’s still there?
  • Put it Out, unlike Chip ‘n’ Fails, ran by four schools without trying to creepily pick up anyone. 
  • Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Me told everyone to bring extra towels, because it’s gonna be a mess.

Then it was time for a very regular occasion, a NAMING!

Just Anne went to Bryn Mawr, a women’s college, where she majored in cunning linguistics.  While she was there, she got harassed by lesbians, lost her virginity (yes, to a man) just before graduation, had sex behind the admissions building, kissed her ex-boyfriend’s current girlfriend, had a threesome that she doesn’t remember, and danced around a May Pole, which may or may not be a euphemism.  Just Anne is into older men and S&M, she likes to be tied up and bent over things.  She was once strung up in a doorway with telephone wire.  She studied in Jordan for a while, and smuggled goods back into the US.  Just Anne doesn’t get embarrassed by anything, but she did walk in on her brother once, which was kind of awkward.  She is now a teacher, and all her students know she’s a breeder.  Just Anne also peed behind a dumpster after her first hash, but we all know that’s perfectly acceptable hash behavior.  Finally, when Just Anne hooked up with a wanker who will not be named, she was so loud that afterwards, the wanker’s condo association made a rule against extremely loud sex in the building. 

Nominations that didn’t suck were:

  • Tongue Tied Up
  • Denial Tone
  • Cunning Linguist
  • Wireless Family Plan
  • Reach Out And Fuck Someone
  • Safe Word
  • Dumpster Diving
  • Shoulda Cum Louder


The crowd really liked the S&M angle, so Just Anne was named Safe Word.  Then, we all went to the bar, sang karaoke (and what the hell kind of gay karaoke bar has no Lady Gaga?  It’d be acceptable at a straight bar, but Remington’s is far from straight), and tried to get laid.

Besos,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe

EWH3 #588- The Forest Glen Trail

 

Hares: PutItOut, BrokeBackMama, CoXXXonDemand, Just Joe, and Just Anne

 

Virgins: Lost that sheet in ensuing debauchery, but I do recall a virgin who stated that she was “extremely single.”  Probably better to have not lost her name…

 

Visitors: See above.

 

Ononon: Quarry House Tavern

 

 

 

Due to poor planning and the awesome traffic in the DMV, I showed up with Wax On, Whacks Off at a more depressing than usual Forest Glen Metro stop, as a great big group of wankers had already hit the trail.  Though not there, I can imagine it was something like this – PutItOut double and triple checking the trail map despite the fact that he has hared this same trail multiple times (the memory may be going…), hashers commenting on their epic treks out there (the start was 200 meters outside of the beltway), virgins looking around nervously for the Washington monument or any other sign that they weren’t about to get led into the woods for the world’s largest recreation of a certain scene from Deliverance.  You know, the one with the banjoes…perverts.

 

Relying on WoWo’s excellent ability to shortcut, we wound up at the first beer check before the runners.  There were cans of beer and champagne lying around, with a few 4loko mixed in.  This may have been the first time 4loko was in Maryland, but hopefully not the last.  It’s a movement and it’s spreading.  The second leg took us through some fun, quick trail running, where it was great to have a headlamp.  Read: When PIO says bring a headlamp, BRING A HEADLAMP.  The second beer check was held along some abandoned railroad lines (I assume they were abandoned, but maybe all of MD looks like that when you’re that far out).  After more trail running, blowing past some confused diners out for a nice meal, knocking over civilians (We’ll get to that later), and going up wrong parking garages, we ended in an alley off Georgia Avenue in Silver Spring.  They didn’t say A-Z for nothing, kids.

 

We drank, sang songs, and tried our best to say offensive things without offending people:

Violations

 

Just Mary , who came to the hash sporting dreads and multiple piercings, has obviously made a lot of poor decisions in her life, except for sleeping with Mannipple Lickter.  In due time.

 

The Hares only brought 2 cans of 4loko.  Didn’t they know that when you go to 7-11 you always have to buy a whole case?

 

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock decided that complaining about dry and itchy skin to a girl was a good way to get her attention- and give her a heads up that he has Chlamydia.

 

Sphincter Shy sent an email to his workers from his hash account.  Just because it is sphincter.shy does not make professional.

 

Cutting Class was so sweaty (How sweaty was he?) that he was the sweatiest Columbian outside of a customs line.

 

PutItOut informed this scribe that he had been “Oreo-d,” you know, when someone throws an Oreo in your beer and you have to chug it and eat the Oreo.  But there was no Oreo at the bottom.  Blasphemy. 

 

Clappy Birthday showed up to the hash dressed like a reject from a Mad Max Movie.

 

Hungry Hungry Homo complained that he cannot fit a whole Whopper into his hand.  If he struggles with that much meat, then how does he get through his many lonely nights?

 

Uh-Oh! A Squirty Ho was overheard saying that he was afraid of dark holes- well no shit, how else do you explain the V-card??

 

Just Ian was worried that we were violating personal property on trail.  Obviously this concern shows that he has never been laid.

 

C.L.I.T. was worried that the trail was going to ruin her pedicure.  Little did she know that some guys were lined up to ruin her bikini wax.

 

I Manual Cunt was congratulated on being back at the hash.  Now he can annoy us in person as much as he does on Digby’s!

 

Just Amy fell into the sewer water, so this was a heads-up to any guy lucky (?) enough to take her home- MAKE SURE SHE SHOWERS.

 

Wank Like an Egyptian had the night’s most desperate game when he logically concluded that since taxis pick up women, he should just stand in the taxi line to pick up women.

 

Gaystation wanted to win all three legs so badly that he knocked over a poor old woman trying to get up some stairs.

 

Just Rebecca bit Vienna Sausage’s hand a couple of hashes ago.  She should know that when we say sausage, we’re not referring to his fingers.

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

Come on, you guys remember what happened, don’t you?  Two rounds of violaters being brought in the circle because of crickets?  Shape up!  Though Manniple Lichter was appropriately violated for knocking over all of the orange food and Oreos.

 

And then it was time for that thing we call a NAMING!

 

Just Mike went to American University.  He was 20 when he lost his virginity (yikes!).  His favorite Disney character to masturbate to is the one from the mermaid movie.  You know, the Little Mermaid.  His most embarrassing sexual moment was when he was drunk and having sex with his girlfriend, Mile High Snub.  Wait, there’s more. 

 

When he was done he want to go take his condom off (their condom?) but could not find it.  Using his power skills of deduction, he decided to look in the only place imaginable- her vagina.  This was really our focus on the naming, and some possible names were:

 

Power Bottom

Small Wonder

Splash!

Little Mermade Me Cum

Under the Semen

 

After much deliberation and voting, it was decided that Just Mike now be referred to as Under the Semen!

 

The hash finished up beer and went on for more beer over at the QHT in the form of PBR tall boys.  Oh, and about those tater tots….

 

 

Yours truly,

Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe

EWH3 #587 – Tunnel Recovery Trail, Foggy Bottom

HaresUnderground Railroad, Cock-a-Doodle-Me, Pittsburgh Kneeler, Felon DeGeneres, and Brokeback Mama

Brew Crew:  Mannipple Lickter, Roll Over, Bitch!

Virgins:  Just Ben, Phil, Stephanie, Chuck, Scott, Vicki, Dave, Chris, Matt, Andrew, Rob, Jeremy, Eliza, Dagny, Erin, Elizabeth, Lisa, Keeley, Clare, Eva, Kate, Christina, Kevin, Mitchell, Rachel, Sam, Alex, and Stan

Visitors:  Cherry Peddler (Samurai H3), Garden of Beatin’ (Bloomiongton, IN H3), Ho White and the 7 Dwarfs (Anchorage H3)

Ononon:  Recessions

 

After last week, for the first time ever on a Thursday, the whole entire pack did NOT want to get wet.  Fortunately, the hares were much obliging:  Instead of getting us wet, they took us around every dorm, frat and sorority house on GW campus… which, come to think of it…  After that, the pack headed toward the Kennedy Center, ran through the Watergate, and down to the Georgetown Waterfront, where the trail pretty much disappeared.  After a lot of back checks, bad trails, no trails, and FAILs in general, we finally picked up trail again, and ended up at the beer check near P Street Beach.  Unfortunately, the police were already there.  The pack backed into some trees nearby, people filled up pitchers from Plan B and passed them back to the crowd, but a lot of people weren’t getting any beer that way due to the crowd.  Now, that’s not the kind of dry that I want to be at a hash.  Fortunately, a few resourceful souls went to a liquor store, got a few cases of beer, and some of us had our own beer check underneath a weeping willow.  WIN.   

Being one of the 10 people who helped down a case of Natty Light at the DIY beer check, second half of trail is a wee bit blurry.  It was short, and we ended up downtown in an alley.  We didn’t circle up there, though.  No, we got our bags, headed into Recessions, a basement bar with really low ceilings, and had end circle there.  At least the hash was kind enough to buy us each a big beer, seriously, those mugs are the size of my whole torso. 

 

Violations:

  • Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Cock not only got a new dude magnet, er, dog, Hoover, he named him after something that’s very good at sucking.
  • Keyless Entry thanked 3-2-1-Fuck Off for dressing her.  Shouldn’t he be doing the opposite?
  • Uh-Oh! A Squirty Ho! didn’t remember his own name.  Dude, isn’t it supposed to be other people’s names you forget, later on?
  • Just Greg and John 3:69 both wore brand new drinking vessels.
  • A Salt My Ass got lost when he left the GMU campus and ended up finding the hash.
  • The hares, because I want my $5.  Five dollars.  It’s like Better Off Dead, but with inflation.
  • I’ll Packa wasn’t getting enough attention from And I’ll Push Back so he took a shot in the eye from Just Brian.
  • Spinal Tap:  We didn’t know Harry Caray had a long-lost twin.
  • Brew Crew parked Plan B in spot #70 at beer check, even though 69 was open.
  • Just Andrew had phone sex on trail– wait, no, he was just calling his mom to tell her he was ok. 
  • I’ll Packa and Just Katy were holding hands on trail.  This is a hash, not a Lifetime Original Movie, y’all!
  • Shetland Blow Me and Just Kristin had sex at beer check instead of doing it on trail like everyone else does.
  • Tony Panda swallowed too much.
  • Whiskey Business tried to shotgun a beer, and gagged because it was too big, and it erupted all over his face like an Icelandic volcano.
  • Just Cynthia was wearing a t-shirt that said, “UCLA.”  Just Julie was wearing one that said “Fuck UCLA.”  They should re-enact that in circle for the pack, no?
  • Just Mary wanted to rename Uh-Oh! A Squirty Ho! “Pretty Pretty Princess,” showing that she already knows what EWH3 is really all about.  On a side note, Uh-Oh, your sash abnd tiara will be ready soon.
  • And finally, Uh-Oh! A Squirty Ho! (yup, again–it’s like he’s trying to be the new Topher) complained about his wrists hurting from holding my beer.  Funny, I’d have thought his wrists were in plenty good shape.

 

Violations from the Crowd:

  • Whiskey Business didn’t finish his down-down beer, and it didn’t end up on him, either.
  • Uh-Oh! A Squirty Ho! got called out by Monday, Sticky Monday for flirting with the scribe.  For the record, Monday was not referring to me, but to Whiskey Business.
  • An Inconvenient Poop thought she was in Panama in the 1940s, at least judging by her hat.
  • Poke an Eye Out turned down a shot.

We didn’t do a naming due to being indoors, so instead we just all drank more giant mugs of beer and tried to get laid.

 

Grosses baises,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe