Last week you kissed Outgoing MisMan goodbye with the trying trails of Mad Max Madness – this week, get wet with your new MM in Waterworld! Get ready to worship your drunken sailors of the Exxon Valdez, 

 find out your crush has gills, 


and drink mysterious yellow liquid.

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday January 16, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where:  Shaw/Howard University- Howard exit

Hares: Twater Boarding, Tacos On A Bridge, They Blow Up So Fast, Seizures Phallus, Jiggly Tits, Tick Tock it’s Dick O’Clock, and Close Encounters of the Turd Kind


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z, dog friendly/no shiggy. Pack smartly and bring a cranium lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runner’s is approximately 4 miles (2.4 / 1.6) and walkers is approximately 2.2 miles (.9 / 1.3).

Last trains out of Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan Metro:
Glenmont          11:42 PMShady Grove     11:28 PM


On After:Town Tavern


Specials:You got hella wet on trail. That’s pretty special.

Hash the Wasteland! You’re either a feral bloodbag…

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An Imperator gone rogue for a past that no longer exists…

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Or Warboys, driving the Road to Valhalla on SUCH A LOVELY DAY!

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Have some precious Aguacola and seek either the approval or destruction of Immortan Joe!

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WITNESS ME!

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Georgia Ave./Petworth Station – East/Northbound exit – follow marks to start!

Hares: Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer, Throbbin Hood, Son What the Fuck, Deetz Nutz, Stain Gretzy, Atari 6900, and a mystery hare!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Dog-friendly, and there’s no tunnels on the Fury Road! No PI unless you wander into The Green Place. It will be a LOVELY DAY! Pack smartly, bring a headlamp & mug, and Immortan Joe will carry you to Valhalla himself! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 2.4 miles first half and 1.6 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Georgia Ave.-Petworth:
Northbound Yellow: 11:27 PM
Northbound Green: 11:58 PM
Southbound Yellow: 11:15 PM
Southbound Green: 11:13 PM

On After: The Midlands Beer Garde
3333 Georgia Ave., Washington DC 20010

Specials: Throbbin thinks your mom is special.

Welcome to the non-holiday side of winter. Find you blankets, snuggies, and onesies (which should be close at hand for AGM!) to help you deal with your holiday hangovers!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday January 2nd, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where:  Gallery Place – Chinatown (Green / Red / Yellow)

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Colliteral Damage; Split Her Bare; Honey Bunches of Cunt; Atari 6900

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B and a pavement pounder, although with great city sites. Dog friendly, but no shiggy unless you fall into a planter. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 2.15 miles first half and 1.85 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Union Station Metro:
Glenmont          11:42 PMShady Grove     11:28 PM

On After:
Hamilton’s Bar & Grill
233 2nd St. NW

Specials: Specials will be announced when the managers return from vacation.

On the first day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me
A Yuengling and a Naturday
On the second day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me
Two White Claws, and a Yuengling and a Naturday
On the third day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me,
Three Belgian beers, two White Claws, and a Yuengling and a Naturday
On the fourth day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me
Four orange foods, three Belgian beers, two White Claws, and Yuengling and a Naturday
On the fifth day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me,
Five Golden Ales!
Four orange foods, three Belgian beers, two White Claws, and Yuengling and a Naturday.
On the sixth day of Hashmas… . oh you get the point.  There’s gonna be beer to drink.

The day we can hash that falls between Christmas and New Years is hereby dubbed by me (at least for this year) Hashmas.  Please join us in Greenbelt for the Hashmas run to Chateau le PSA.  Relatively short trail, and PSA has a hot tub (he is not your towel supplier though so if you want to get dry afterward, please bring a towel).

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where:  Greenbelt metro.  Follow marks to start.

Hares: Please Step Away from the Whores & Special Head Kid

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Some mild shiggy for runners, none for walkers.  Still dark out though, so bring a cranium lamp! Pack smart, have fun.

How Far
Runners 1st half: 1.8 miles
Runners 2nd half:  0.8 miles
Walker’s 1st half:  0.75 miles
Walker’s 2nd half:  0.3 miles

Last train out of Greenbelt to Branch Ave:  10:57 PM

On After: House of PSA (if you’re going there but not planning to run trail, email Hare Razor and he can give you the address.

Are you GENERALly excited for a good time?! Do you TSO love warm, cozy clothes + end circles? Well bundle up your DICKENs for this week’s trail. EWH3’s OnSec, General Tso’s Dicken is turning 30 this Thursday! She tells me she would love nothing more than to see everyone gallivanting about in their onesies. 

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: DuPont Circle Metro. Follow marks to start.

Hares: General Tso’s Dicken, Cheech and Dong, Colliteral Damage, Deetz Nuts, GeriatricMandering, Poon-apple Juice, Ready Player None, Schrödinger’s Cock, Son What the Fuck?!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Pavement pounder. It’s going to be frigid so dress appropriately. Bring a h*adlamp cranium lamp! 

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3.4 miles long (about 2 miles first half and 1.4 miles second half ). Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance. 

Last trains out of Woodley Park/AdMo/Zoo:
Glenmont: 11:26pm
Shady Grove: 11:44pm

On After:
Town Tavern
2323 18th Street NW

Specials: You’re all special! Kitchen open late! Tip your bartenders!

Did you know that male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, but female reindeer don’t? So that ugly sweater you have of humping reindeer is a whole lot kinkier than you thought. And Thursday is your chance to Where: Eastern Market Metro (Blue/Orange/Silver Line) – follow marks to start!
wear it! That’s right, for the fifth year in a row, we are giving you the chance to wear your tackiestugliest, or most hideous holiday sweater on a winter wonderland romp!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday December 12th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Hares: Head Injury; Issues and Tissues, Rail Mary, Rosetta Bone, Special Red, and Unobtainium

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’ and is a pavement pounder. No shiggy unless you do something weird. Trail is stroller and dog friendly.  It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.1 miles long (about 2.2 miles first half and 1.9 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Potomac Avenue (Blue/Orange/Silver Lines)

On After:
Trusty’s1420 Pennsylvania Ave. SE

Specials: You are special

Twenty years ago, a group of hashers gathered outside Union Station, in hopes of getting drunk on a Wednesday (in case anyone ever thought it odd we’re named Every Day is Wednesday and run on Thursdays – we started out on Wednesdays). What they did, instead, was create magic. Join some of those pivotal humans as they share tales of yore and do what they do best – get you drunk!  So don your favorite 90’s clothes (assuming they didn’t disintegrate into oblivion like the rest of that decade), and come out with some of EWH3’s original bunch for a special anal-versary trail!

When: Thursday, December 5, 2019; 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Union Station – follow marks to start!

Hares: Special Head Kid, Poon-apple Juice, Seizure’s Phallus, Mourning Wood

Hares of Honor: Pimp of Sarajevo, Holy Tit!, JAG Queen, Harem Scarem, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, $50 Bitch

Trail length:
Runners: 3.25 miles
Walkers: 1.5 miles

Miscellaneous crap: Trail is A to bar with no beer check – only shots! (but trust me, it’s going to be more than enough shots.) Be sure to get a wristband from Hash Cash when you sign in!

It’s obviously going to be cold and dark so bundle up and bring a lamp and ID. Don’t forget to use your brain and have fun. 

Last trains out of Union Station (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:42 PM
Shady Grove 11:28 PM

On After: Kelly’s Irish Times

Specials: Circle beer will be available until it’s not. After that, $4 Miller Lites and Ciders

This is somewhere about the 15th or 16th year your hares are hosting this trail!  Don’t look to get your marathon training done for the week on this trail.  As the fairest member of your hares so eloquently put it years ago, “You won’t burn off the calories found in one scoop of mashed potatoes and gravy!”  This trail is short and sweet.  Walkers trail is even shorter than runners. 

We will be providing our famous shots of Wild Turkey!  Along with one or 2 other surprises.  Shamrock usually also provides us with a special treat.  This is normally one of the drunkest trails of the year that doesn’t have Twinkle juice!  So come hang out with us and drink your fill during the day and then go stuff yourself with food later.

When: SPECIAL START TIME of 11AM

Pre-Lube: Begins at 10AM at the parking deck.  Bring your own drinks!  No alcohol will be provided from the hash until after trail has started.

Start:  Parking deck above the Continental in Rosslyn, VA

Hares:  Please Step Away from the Whores, Purple Peter Eater, Aeriola Borialis, and maybe a mystery hare or 2.

No On After:  Go home and bother your real family

Metro: Metro is running on holiday schedule so plan on waiting 20 minutes between trains.

Hey, look at me Morty, I turned myself into a trail announcement. What up, my glip-glops? It’s time for the Rick and Morty trail you’ve always wanted but never had. Flip the pickle Morties, it’s time to get schwifty. Wear anything from a different reality or whatever you want, nothing you think matters actually matters. So come out and get riggety-riggety wrecked son! 

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When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Rosslyn Metro – follow marks to start!

Hares: #Squadholes, Tik Tok it’s Dik O’Clock, Heaven’s Gape and Quid Pro Blow

Trail length:
Runners: 1.9mi first half, 1.7mi second half
Walkers: 0.9mi first half, 0.75mi second half

Theme: Rick and Morty

Miscellaneous crap: Trail is A to A with a couple Rick vs Jerry splits (don’t be a Jerry, Jerry), a few Kennedy Sex Tunnels, two Meeseeks, and 0.69 shiggy. It’s obviously going to be cold and dark- tough titties- so bundle up and bring a headlamp + mug. Don’t forget to use your brain and have fun. 

Last trains out of Rosslyn:
Blue: Franconia-Springfield 11:47 PM, Largo Town Center 11:25 PM
Silver: Wiesel-Reston East 11:30 PM, Largo Town Center 11:12 PM
Orange: New Carrollton 11:14 PM, Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:45 PM

On After: Continental

Specials: Schezuan Sauce

P.S. Wubba lubba dub dub.

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Remember that great rave back in Nov 2016? Or what about that one in Nov 2017? Missed it, don’t remember it, weren’t there? Don’t worry, we got the perfect excuse to dust off those unused glow sticks! Come on out for this bass dropping, tremble shaking glow trail and help celebrate Twater Boarding and Atari 6900!s’ birthdays! Trail will have all your favorite old school electronic beats. Like this one! And don’t forget Karaoke at the on-after…

When: 6:45 PM, Nov 14th. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City Station and walk to Champs for Prelewb and start, 1100 S Hayes St, Arlington, VA 22202.

Hares: Atari 6900, Twater Boarding, Shart Sharts, Chicks Ahoy, Goldman Ballsach, Bow Chica

Trail Length: 
Runners total trail: 1st is 1.58 mi, 2nd is 1.9 mi
Walker’s total trail: 1st is 1 mi, 2nd is 1 mil

Theme: Suggested themes include: Rave Kitty, Sandstorm, chocolate milk rave, but please, no goth Christmas ravers!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. There may or may not be glow sticks. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of [On-In Metro]:
Franconia-Springfield 11:53 PM
Greenbelt 11:07 PM
Huntington 11:35 PM
Largo Town Center 11:19 PM

On After: Freddies’

Specials: Karaoke – Tip your DJ, Leave Bags at the Door!