Happy prom season wanks and wankettes! Did you get detention a lot in school? Were you ever punished by being thrown onto the MATHletes team? Were you the hot soccer jock who barely passed their classes? Angry artist? Even if you were the wall flower or outcast, fear not! All are welcum at this end of school year celebratory trail. Come dressed as your favorite high school archetype or wear some old prom gear. Don’t wanna try that hard?….Just wear pink! Every day is Wednesday, after all.

When: 6:45pm, Thursday May 23rd. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Georgia Ave/Petworth – follow marks to start!

Hares: Scooter Cunte, Roll Over, Bitch!, Heaven’s Gape, Tragic Carpet Ride is fearlessly leading the walkers and Slut Machine and Barebackin’ Pearls will be sweeping.

Trail Length:
Runners total trail: 3 miles
Walker’s total trail: 1.4 miles

Theme: Tuxedo shirts? Tiaras and prom dresses? Pink so you can still sit with us?

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Mostly urban so little to no shiggy. Bug spray might be a good idea. Dog and stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Columbia Heights Metro:
Green Line to Branch Ave: 11:22 PM
Green Line to Greenbelt: 11:55 PM
Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:12 PM

On After: Midlands Beer Garden

Specials: OMG we have specials!! Mention you are with “that running group” and have your sweaty gear on or hash necklace and you will get a dollar off all drafts.

Yogi’s favorite brewery – Red Bear! Red Bear!
Yogi’s favorite brewery – Red Red Red Red Bear!

Whether you’re a yogi or a panda, black or brown, gummy or teddy, or just a straight up bear, dress the part and join us in NoMa for a post-hibernation celebration!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday May 16, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: NoMa/Gallaudet (Red Line) M Street Exit – follow marks to start at REI

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, Schrodinger’s Cock, Sphincter Shy, Atari 6900, Throbbin’ Hood

Trail Length:
Runners: Almost but not quite 4 miles
Walkers: Almost but not quite 2 miles

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. No real shiggy, but a none-zero chance of bears. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a lamp & mug! (If you forget one, there’s an REI right there!) Be smart, have fun, embrace the bear-eotypes.

Last trains out of NoMa/Gallaudet:
Glenmont 11:44 PM
Shady Grove 11:26 PM

On After: Red Bear!

Specials: We’re here to support a new LGBT owned brewery in NoMa. Check out their spring releases! Act nice, tip well, and be your damn weird selves.

Goin’ Deep … into the ‘burbs!  And deep into metro apparently.  Fun fact: Forest Glen is metro’s deepest station and the only one that relies exclusively on elevators.  So get ready for some serious suburban shiggy as Edubs goes deep into the ‘burbs, deep into metro, deep into shiggy – we’re going so deep, we’re outside the beltway!

When: Thursday, May 9th 6:45PM, Pack away at 7:15PM!

Where: Forest Glen Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  Blows A Tranny, Broke Back Mama, CoXXX on Demand, Put It Out, Tuck Tuck Deuce, & Mystery hare

Trail Length: Runners 5 miles; Walkers 3 miles

Theme:  Run around the woods, drink beer and have fun.

Misc. Stuff:  Live A to B trail through the hills and dales of Maryland.  There’s shiggy on this trail for everyone — “Shiggy” means mud (eek!) foliage (eek!) water (eek!) spiders (eeeeeek!) and other interesting stuff.  “Everyone” means both walkers and runners.   Dog friendly, moderate PI risk if you’re sensitive (hares didn’t get any, but we are not the sensitive types). Bring dry clothes and headlamp for reals.  

On After:McGinty’s Public House

Last Red Line Train Inbound from Silver Spring: 11:12 PM

Just when you thought that we had eradicated preventable illnesses from the days of old, scurvy has struck the Nation’s Capital! Obviously, EWH3 got plenty of Vitamin D during last week’s Stoplight Trail but ready your eye patches and grab your trusty blunderbuss because this trail will make sure you stock up on rum and Vitamin C!

When: 6:45 PM & May 2, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Ballston Metro and walk to Welburn Square, 901 N Taylor St, Arlington, VA 22203 – follow marks to start!

Hares: Atari 6900 & Crew

Trail Length:
Runners total trail: 1st is 2.35 mi, 2nd is 2.13 mi
Walker’s total trail: 1st is 1 mi, 2nd is 1 mil

Theme: Suggested themes include: Vitamin C, Oranges, Mermaids, Scurvy, and of course RUM, RUM, and more RUM!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. There may or may not be scurvy on trail. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Ballston:
Largo Town Center 11:10 PM
New Carrollton 11:03 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:53 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:38 PM

On After: Punch Bowl Social

Specials: Lemons, Limes, Oranges, plenty of fruit with Vitamin C – and other specials TBD





Who’s single? Who’s taken? Who’s just up for some Netflix and Chill? Who wants to tell their significant other to be on their toes because things are are getting weird? Well now we’ll all know! Rock your availability colors!

Green – SIIIINNNGGGGLLEEE!!
Yellow – I could be down, I might be casually dating, come chat about it
Red – I’m taken, we can be friends tho!

Be fun, show us your colors. We all know the best relationships are between hashers! So spring into our love tunnels of Crystal City!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday April 25, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City– Mall Exit – follow marks to start!

Hares: #SquadHoles, L’Hymen, Heaven’s Gape and Poon Apple Juice… AKA #L’GapeHoleJuice

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Trail is a urban pavement pounder with many tunnels of love. Stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Trail Lengths
Runners: 2 miles first half, 2.5 miles second half
Walkers: 0.9 first half, 1.25 miles second half

Last trains out of Crystal City:
Red, Yellow, Green to Fort Totten: 11:08 PM
Blue to Franconia / Springfield: 11:55 PM
Yellow to Huntington: 11:31 PM
Silver, Blue to Largo Town Center: 11:17 PM

On After: Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant, 555 23rd St S, Arlington, VA 22202

Specials: Drunk Hare Karaoke, maybe some food specials

If there’s anything people know about Deathly Swallows, it’s that she’s kind of obsessed with polka dots (and red lipstick). What better way to celebrate the analversary of her birth than by wearing polka dots to her birthday trail? Get in your Betty Boop best, slap on some red lipstick, and enjoy a familiar (but not too familiar) trek around Foggy Bottom!

Hares: Deathly Swallows (Walker hare), Fist Pump, Colliteral Damage, Cum Locker, Head Injury (Sweeper), Cheech & Dong, General Tso’s Dicken, and You Sucked My Battledick

When: Thursday, April 18th, 6:45 PM. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Foggy Bottom – follow marks to start!

Theme: POLKA DOTS! ALLLLLLL POLKA DOTS! Red lipstick also highly encouraged.

Trail Length:  Runners trail is roughly 4.75 miles, walkers trail is roughly 2 miles(ish)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun!

Last trains out of Foggy Bottom Station:

  • Franconia-Springfield: 11:34 PM
  • Largo Town Center: 11:21 PM
  • New Carrollton: 11:14 PM
  • Vienna/Fairfax-GMU: 11:42 PM
  • Wiehle-Reston East: 11:27 PM

On After: Recessions

Specials: this is one of the gifs you can find if you look for “specials”

This Sunday is Palm Sunday and you know what that means, it’s time to slap some palms! Join us in Eastern Market as we high five our way through the streets of SE.

When: 6:45PM, April 11th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Eastern Market Metro – follow marks to start!

Hares: Mr. Holland’s Anus, Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me, Rail Mary, Maybe It’s Gaybelline, and a Mystery Hare.

Trail Length: About 4 miles for runners, roughly 2 for walkers.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. We will never be off pavement. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Eastern Market:

Blue Line Franconia-Springfield 11:17 PM 12:47 AM 10:47 PM

Silver Line Blue Line  Largo Town Center 11:38 PM 1:08 AM 11:08 PM

Orange Line New Carrollton 11:48 PM 1:18 AM 11:18 PM

Orange Line Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:23 PM 12:53 AM 10:53 PM

Silver Line Wiehle-Reston East 11:10 PM 12:40 AM 10:40 PM M

 

On After: The Brig

Specials: $25 Beer Buckets, you get 5 Coors Lights, or blue moons, mix and match.

When: Thursday April 4th at 6:45PM. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: L’Enfant Plaza exit (D street door) – follow marks to start!

Trail Length:
Runners – about 4.5 miles total
Walkers – about 2.2 miles total

Hares: Mourning Wood, Mistress Cycle, ‘Uno, Dos, Tres LIFTOFF!’, and a couple mystery hares

Theme: Hawaiian shirts and any floral pattern clothes.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Plenty of pavement pounding and running on dirt paths. Dogs welcome on both, strollers on walkers trail. It should be a nice night for hashing. Pack smart and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, be considerate of the tourists, and have fun.

Last trains out of L’Enfant Plaza: Metro Times

On After:Tiki TNT

Specials: You’re all special to me

That’s right wanks, PC might as well stand for pussy cat because meowwwwl! Ya’ll like to wax poetic about your favorite social issue in this town. (Isn’t that why most of us relocated here? Any how. If you have thin skin, this trail is not fur you. You’ll be sure to find little easter eggs of tribute to everyone’s favorite social cause…. whether your waging war on mutant flour based foods, you forsake our beverage of choice or you’re all about saving them poor women folk from their dainty selves…. ba-gock. Trot your cock on out. (Public Service Announcement: Absolutely NO CHICKENS were harmed in the making of this trail.)

When: 6:45. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: U Street Metro Stop. African Memorial Side – follow marks to start!

Hares: Dial F, Roll Over Bitch, Scooter Cunte, Wank Like an Egyptian and possibly a mystery hare…

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. No PI or water crossings to worry about yet, (We miss you Penis Fly Trap!) Should be dog and stroller friendly for the most part but that baby better not be vaccinated. It should be a nice night. Pack a hoodie for On After and don’t forget a headlamp & mug! We’re hashers, not trashers.

Last trains out of Columbia Heights Metro:

Green Line to Branch Ave: 11:21 PM
Green Line to Greenbelt: 11:55 PM
Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:12 PM

On After: Meridian Pint

Specials: TBD.

It’s time to flashback to those days of yore. Bust out those letter jackets, JNCOs, wrestling uniforms, or other memorabilia. You know you want to wear it outside the house.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday March 21, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: McPherson Square – Vermont Ave. Exit – follow marks to start!

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Mambo # Hives, Pinocchi-Ho; Split Her Bare; Special Red; and Cheech and DongW

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Trail is a scenic pavement pounder. Dog and stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Trail Lengths
Runners: Close to 5 miles
Walkers: Slightly more than 2 miles

Last trains out of McPherson Square:
Blue line to Franconia-Springfield 11:28 PM
Blue Line to Largo Town Center 11:27 PM
Orange Line to New Carrollton 11:20 PM
Orange Line to Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:36 PM
Silver Line to Wiehle-Reston East 11:21 PM
Red Line to Glenmont 11:36 PM
Red Line Shady Grove 11:36 PM

On After: Capitol City Brewing Company, 11th St NW & H St NW

Specials: You’re special. <wink>