EWH3 #1086: The Spooky Boozy Almost Octoboo-er Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, September 20th – Eastern Market (Blue/Orange/Silver Line)

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Do you consider yourself an Oktwhoreber? Does the thought of pumpkins make you want to run Amok Amok Amok Amok? Join the Boozy Whore-or Ladies as we stumble through the Hill looking for sexy ghosts and booze. Make no (Rosetta) Bones about it; this trail will be a Deathly (Swallows) good time!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 20th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Eastern Market Metro Station – follow marks to start!

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Colliteral Damage; Cheech and Dong; Son, What the Fuck; Vaginal Countdown; Rosetta Bone; Deathly Swallows; and Rail Mary

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Dog Friendly. It should be a nice, Fall night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart and have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3.9 miles long (about 1.9 miles first half and 2 miles second half). Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Potomac Ave:
Franconia-Springfield 11:15 PM
Largo Town Center 11:40 PM
New Carrollton 11:50 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:21 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:08 PM

On After:
Trusty’s
1420 Pennsylvania Ave SE
Washington, DC 20003

Specials: $12 Bud Light pitchers and Happy Hour priced well drinks.

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EWH3 #1085: The 🎶Your Toxic Tongue Slippin’ On Mine 💕 | It’s Britney, Bitch 💋 👯👬👑 🐍💇 Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, September 13th – Columbia Heights Metro (Yellow-Green)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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The weather isn’t playing nice? ☔😭
Come get cold as fire, baby, and hot as ice. ❄
We’re like a firecracker, we’ll make it hot. 🔥

It’s time to bring out that Britney, bitch flirt 💋
Or don your best pop-princess-approved belly shirt 👯
Cause we ain’t got no time to be prudent ⏳
Cum and summon your inner catholic school student 🏫

Forget working late with a beer. 💻
What’s practical, what’s logical… what the hell, who cares? 😈
All I know is we’re so happy, when you’re hashin’ up here. 👣

We’ll see the sunset, 🌅
and we won’t be stoppin’ 🍻
We’ll keep on hashing 👣🍺
’til the world ends 🍺🍻🍷🍺🍷

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 13th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Columbia Heights metro station (Green/Yellow) – follow marks to start!
(…meet at Rabaut Park at 16th and Columbia NW; 5 min walk from CoHi)

Hares: Chip Off The Old Cock, Quid Pro Blow, No Strings Attached, Deep South In Your Mouth, General’s Farm Animal, L’Chymen

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z. Level 1– low or no risk of PI and even lower risk of urban shiggy. Unless you…
Just like Brit, our true trail will be tight and bright 🌟✨💖 Stroller and baby (one more time) and doggy friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun!

How Far: Runners’ true trail will be approximately 4.5 miles long (about 2 miles first half and about 2.5 miles second half). Walkers’ true trail is approximately 2 miles.

Last trains out of:
Farragut West (Silver, Blue, Orange)
Blue Franconia-Springfield – 11:32 pm
Silver, Blue Largo Town Center – 11:23 pm
Orange New Carrollton – 11:16 pm
Orange Vienna/Fairfax GMU – 11:40 pm
Silver Wiehle-Reston East – 11:25 pm

Farragut North (Red)
Glenmont – 11:31 PM
Shady Grove – 11:39 PM

On After:
Recessions!
💸 1823 L Street NW

Specials: Thursday night karaoke! 🎶You’re so lucky, you’re a star! 🌠

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EWH3 #1084: Willy Takes a Pee White Dress Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, September 6th – Ballston-MU (Orange/Silver Line)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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You are cordially invited to join in drunken debauchery celebrating the upcumming nuptials of Free Little Willy and Pee It Forward as they cover Arlington in sweaty, sticky, love. We know you haven’t cleaned your white dress since the last trail, so give it a spray of Febreze, a quick fluff, and cum give the Bride & Groom a proper send-off to the world of legally-binding roommate-ship.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 6th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Ballston-MU Metro Station – follow marks to start!

Hares: Free Little Willy, Pee It Forward, Bear Fucker, Issues & Tissues, Who Wears Shart Sharts, Cum on My Buddy, and Mystery Hare(?)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Pavement pounder. Dog Friendly, ADA compliant, Strollers welcome . It should be a nice, hot night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun, and wear your dirty white dress.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 2.3 miles first half and 1.6 miles second half). Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Ballston-MU:
Largo Town Center (SV) 11:10 PM
Wiehle-Reston East (SV) 11:38 PM
New Carrollton (OR) 11:03 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU (OR) 11:53 PM

On After:
First Down Sports Bar
4213 Fairfax Drive
Arlington, VA 22203

Specials: You’re special

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For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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♫Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock♫
♫What the hell was in that shot?♫
♫Chocolate Milk and Everclear♫
♫Should have stuck to drinking beer♫
♫Now I have to Twinkle Puke♫
♫Fuck your fucking Twinkle Juice♫

Join us for an EWH3 tradition now in its NINTH year, the Anything But Clothes Hash! You know the drill by now – show up wearing anything EXCEPT clothing – trash bags, cardboard boxes, strategically placed stuffed animals, or just lots of duct tape. Duct tape is your friend. In a pinch? Wear a toga or a pillowcase. Just don’t be the only one who shows up in clothes! As always, there will be a prize for best costume promised, and usually delivered if the Twinkle Juice hasn’t taken over by then.

Oh. And there will be Twinkle Juice, as a part of four shot checks. Just take off Friday now.

See you there in a hastily thrown together duct tape mess, or a condom dress you’ve been working on for two months. We don’t care as long as it’s not clothes!

-Twinkle and Friends

When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 30th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Minnesota Avenue (Orange Line), Minnesota Ave. side – follow marks to start!

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Roll Over Bitch, Six Pigs in a Blanket, Poonapple Juice, Deetz Nutz, and Colliteral Damage

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Urban Shiggy only, dog friendly as long as it’s not wearing clothes. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly BRING A HEADLAMP & mug! Be smart, have fun. Consider taking Friday off.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 5 miles long (about 3 miles first half and 2 miles second half). Walkers’ trail is 2.5 miles long (1.25 first half and 1.3 second).

Last trains out of Minnesota Avenue Metro (Orange Line):
New Carrollton 11:56 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:15 PM

On After:
DC Eagle
3701 Benning Road NE
Washington DC 20019

Specials: Don’t worry about it. There will be ample Twinkle Juice outside.

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EWH3 # 1082 – The Teenage Skirtbag Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, August 23rd – Gallery Place/Chinatown Metro (Red, Yellow, Green Lines)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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His name is Gispert
I have a dream about him
He makes me squirt
And satisfies my every whim
Oh how he rocks
In those shiggy socks
But he doesn’t know who I am
And he doesn’t give a damn about me

Cause I’m just a hashing dirtbag baby.
I’m just a drunken hasher, baby.
Down-down this lukewarm, flat beer, baby
With me

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday August 23rd, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Gallery Place (Green, Yellow, Red Lines – avoid the red line if you can by taking the D6, G8, 70, X2, 80, 42 or P6 bus) – exit at 9th and G. Follow marks to the Portrait Gallery to start!

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, Atari 6900, Mourning Wood, Throbbin’ Hood, No Strings Attached

How Far: This trail is short, like your skirts. First half is about 2 miles, second half is about 1 mile. Walker’s trail is roughly half the distance of runner’s.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B-ish. Remember that the bug spray needs to go up your skirt, too. It should be a nice night. Kilts aren’t skirts! Pack smartly and bring a lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun, listen to Iron Maiden.

Last trains out of:
Union Station (0.5 miles from on-after):
https://www.wmata.com/rider-guide/stations/union-station.cfm
(Take it with a grain of salt, because of track work)
Gallery Place (0.8 miles from on-after):
https://www.wmata.com/rider-guide/stations/gallery-place.cfm

On After:
Hamilton’s Bar & Grill
233 2nd St NW

Specials:
Miller High Life… $3.50
House WIne… $7.00
The opportunity to make unsuspecting kickball players uncomfortable… Priceless

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EWH3 #1081: The Twinkles Last Cum White Dress Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, August 16th – L’Enfant (Green/Yellow – Blue/Orange/Silver if you want to miss trail)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Together with their hares
Red Vag of Courage; Hungry, Hungry Homo; Red, White, and Poo; Sphincter Shy; and Deathly Swallows

Cum Locker
and
Twinkle, Twinkle Little Cock

Cordially invite you to their White Dress Run!
Wear your white dresses and we’ll meet you at the chapel(s)!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 16th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: L’Enfant Plaza – Maryland Ave/7th Street exit – follow marks to start in Hancock Park!

Hares: Red Vag of Courage; Hungry Hungry Homo, Red, White, and Poo; Sphincter Shy; and Deathly Swallows,

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. No immediate worry about PI. Dog-friendly, but watch out for the urban hazards. It should be a lovely day for a white wedding. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun and WEAR A WHITE DRESS!

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.5 miles long (about 2.5 miles first half and 2 miles second half). Walkers’ trail is half-ish the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Navy Yard:
Greenbelt: 11:22 pm
Branch Ave: 11:48 pm

On After: Mission (Navy Yard)

Specials: Wearing sweaty white dresses in a new bar. Also, other specials TBD.

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EWH3 #1080: The Face/Off Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, August 9th – Woodley Park-Zoo/Adams Morgan (Red Line)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Cum join Schrodinger’s Cock as he faces his mid-life identity crisis. Like Travolta (or .. Cage? unclear), we’ll attempt to fool the hash gods by taking on the identity of another – or at least the personification of their name.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 9th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Woodley Park/Adams Morgan (Red Line) – Follow marks to start

Hares: Schrodinger’s Cock, Poon-apple Juice, Son What the Fuck?, General Tso’s Dicken, GeriatricMandering, and a mystery hare!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Runner’s trail may have PI (hare’s didn’t get any) but lots of shiggy, give your pupper to a walker. Walker’s trail is dog, stroller, and everything friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp, bug spray, & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners trail is a little over 4 miles, with a portion to represent each decade of SchroCo’s life. The first is long and interesting, the second is difficult and tumultuous, with the final leg reflecting his misplaced optimism for his 30’s.

Last trains out of Woodley Park:
https://www.wmata.com/rider-guide/stations/woodley-park.cfm

On After:
Town Tavern
2323 18th St. NW

Specials:
$4 domestic bottles, $5 mixed rail drinks & $6 select draft pints (including cider)

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EWH3 #1079: The Rosslyn Futurist Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, August 2nd – Rosslyn Metro (Blue/Orange/Silver Lines)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Welcome to the futuristic and city of ill-refute – Rosslyn. This will be a warm and exciting run through historical and non-historical areas. Maybe we will stay in Rosslyn, maybe we won’t.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 2nd, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Rosslyn Metro – go to Gateway Park where the “Sand Box” is – follow marks to start!

Hares: Pay As You Go, Special Head Kid, Seizure Phallus, You Sucked My Battledick, Yes We Camry

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. There will be shiggy and possible PI on trail. Stroller friendly, but not dog friendly. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (2.4 miles first half and 1.6 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Rosslyn:
Franconia-Springfield 11:47 PM
Largo Town Center 11:18 PM
New Carrollton 11:11 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:45 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:30 PM

On After:
Continental Pool Lounge
1911 Fort Myer Dr, Arlington, VA 22209

Specials: You’re Special

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EWH3 Trail #1078 – Cropadelphia Trail! – 6:45 pm Thursday, July 18th – Dupont Circle (Red Line)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Do you love crop tops? Do you adore Philadelphia? Do you cherish portmanteaus? Do you yearn for bagged wine? Do you come to trail every week rain or shine and usually not bother to read this part of trail news? Does this feel like overbearing use of rhetorical questions? Do I care? Buckle up, kiddos, and hold onto your midriffs for Stain Gretzky’s third annual late-July pre-campout humidity death march! (Not actually a death march this year, I promise 🙂 ). We’ll have scissors on hand if you don’t own a crop top. Be prepared to make fabulous new friends from the City of Brotherly Love and show them how we do it in the District of Crop Tops.

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday July 26th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Dupont Circle. Go to the middle of the Circle and look for exposed midriffs.

Hares: Stain Gretzky, Slothy Seconds, Groundhog Lay, Donald Dick, Cheech & Dong, and Rail Mary

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles; 2.0 first half and 2.0 second half. Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of runners’ trail.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Light shiggy, and you should bug spray your midriff. Shiggy will be significantly worse if it rains all week – you might want dry shoes. It should be a nice night but will likely be humid AF. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Farragut North:
Glenmont – 11:31 pm
Shady Grove – 11:39 pm

On After:
Recessions
1823 L Street NW

Specials:
$1 off beer & rail liquor.
Free hugs from Stain Gretzky!

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EWH3 #1077: The 9th Anal Jorts Association of Arlington Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, July 19th – Pentagon City Metro (Blue/Yellow)

For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Get ready to strut your cut (off)! Come on out in your favorite pair of jeans-cut-into-shorts, or jorts (everyone can tell if they’re just jean shorts- you’re not fooling anyone), and enjoy a Jorts trail through Arlington that ends exactly where you think it does, because there’s two parts to this theme trail: jorts and Freddies. In summary: JORTS.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday July 19th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City Metro (Blue/Yellow), exit to left and left again. Follow marks south to Highland Park.

Hares: Roll Over, Bitch! You Can’t Handle the Poop! Kooter Kunte! A mystery hare! EXCLAMATION MARKS!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B, jortswear encouraged, minimal shiggy and maybe even some A/C. Skies out thighs out. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Crystal City Metro:
Blue – 2317 N, 2355 S
Yellow – 2308 N, 2331 S

On After:
Freddies!
555 23rd Street
Arlington, VA 22202

Specials: KARAOKE, please tip the VJ!!!

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