EWH3 #1137: The Frat Bros and Sorority Ho[l]es Trail! – July 25th – College Park (Green/Yellow)

“My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.” -John Belushi (Bluto)
Fall semester is fast approaching, and that means Greek life is on-on!  So don your backwards hats, crop tops, and salmon shorts, and prepare to rush Εω. “Frats don’t like boring sororities!” So let’s get weird!

When: Thursday, July 25, 6:45 PM circle up, Pack away 7:15 PM!

Where: College Park Metro (West Exit…through underpass) – follow marks to start!

Hares: They Blow Up So Fast, Colostomy Shag, Heaven’s Gape, Just Karen, Just Debbie, PSA.

How Far: 
Runners: 3.5 miles 1st half, 1 mile 2nd half
Walkers: 2 miles 1st half, 0.4 miles 2nd half

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A.  Lots of shiggy on runners: 4 out of 5 shiggy level (just like the sorority girls, you’re all going to get wet!). Walkers trail is dog and stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp, bug spray, & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of College Park:
Green to Branch Ave: 11pm
Green to Greenbelt: 12:11am
Yellow to Greenbelt: 11:40pm
Yellow to Huntington: 11:02pm

On After:Terrapin’s Turf (tables reserved for EWH3)

Specials: .50cent wings, $10 fishbowl of the week, $5 long islands

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EWH3 #1136 The MoonSHOT Trail! – July 18, 2019 – Navy Yard (Green/Yellow)

On July 20, 1969 America landed on the Moon. This trail marks the 50th Anniversary of the Moon Shot by giving you the opportunity to do a “moonshot” of your own — namely by showing your ass and getting drunk.  Wear that space stuff you already have lying around or just make a tin foil hat and deny the “Moon” even exists!

When: 6:45 sign in, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Navy Yard Station — Department of Transportation Exit – follow marks to start!

Hares: You Can’t Handle the Poop, Roll Over, Bitch!, Kunta Kunte, NSA (but N[A]SA for today), Vladmir Fruitin, Uno, Dos, Tres, Liftoff!, Quantum Whizics

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.7 miles long (about 2.8 miles first half and 1.9 miles second half).
Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Judiciary Square:
Red Line to Glenmont: 11:40 PM
Red Line to Shady Grove: 11:30 PM

On After: Hamilton’s

Specials:  Landing on the moon is pretty special!*

*we’re not going there. Relax

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EWH3# 1134 The Zany Zodiac Trail! – 6:45 PM, Thursday, July 11, 2019 Woodley Park Zoo/Adams Morgan (Red)

Is that your rising sign or are you happy to see me? Come see the Aries & Leos be FRBs, the Virgos & Cancers skip to end, and Pisces & Libras get lost af. If there’s one thing all the signs have in common, it’s a love for beer!

When: 6:45 PM, July 11th, 2019.  Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Woodley Park Zoo/Adams Morgan (Red line)  – follow marks to start!

Hares: Son, What the Fuck?!, The HyperPoop, Deetz Nuts, Cheech & Dong, Colliteral Damage, and Poon-apple Juice

Trail Length: 
Runners 1st half: 2.5m
2nd half: 1m
Walkers  
1st half: 1.03m
2nd half: .6m

Misc. Crap: Trail is A to A’. Stroller, dog friendly. Bring a headlamp, mug, BUG SPRAY, and know your sign/symbol.

Last Trains out of Adams Morgan:
To Glenmont: 11:26pm
To Shady Grove: 11:44pm

On After: Town Tavern

Specials: Bad pick up lines & a good time.

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EWH3 #1133: The Super Big Explosions Booming Patriotic 4th of July Trail, 07/04/19 (duh), 4:45 PM – Anacostia Metro, Green Line

Thursday is the 4th of July, but it’s still a hashing day! So don your most patriotic outfits, cum out to Anacostia and join as we romp through and past some of DC’s best and least know historic sites in our never ending quest to run to great lengths for beer.

When: THIS IS DIFFERENT THIS WEEK. PLEASE NOTE THE EARLIER TIME: July 4th, Circle up 4:45, pack away 5:15 PM

Where: Green Line, Anacostia Metro, Howard Road SE Exit, follow marks to start!

Hares: Special Head Kid, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Red Dong, La Gingeracha, Little Zombie Munch Punch, and Jigglytits

How Far:
Runner’s 1st & 2nd Half: Roughly 2 miles each
Walker’s 1st half: slightly less than a mile
Walker’s 2nd Half: slightly more than a mile

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Shiggy Factor on 1(pavement) to 5 (cliffs and thorns) scale: Hare’s couldn’t quite agree whether it was 3 or 4, so I’m listing it as a 3.5. PI was seen, so wear your shiggy socks. AND BRING SOME $#%@! BUGSPRAY!! Pack smart, bring your mug and headlamp, should be a nice night.

Last trains out of Anacostia:
To Branch Ave: 11:51 PM
To Greenbelt: 11:19 PM

On After: Bardo

Specials: There will be fireworks!

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EWH3 #1132, The Summer of ’69 Trail! – June 27th, 2019 – Takoma, Red Line

Greetings wankers!  Some long time ago, maybe even in the Summer of 1969, a baby was dropped into the world who would one day become one of EWH3’s Top 10 Most Prolific Hashers of all Time.  Yay!  So come on out to Takoma and celebrate a Hashy Birthday to Shamrock Your Cock as she makes another boozey lap around the sun.  

When: Thursday, June 27th, 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Takoma – follow marks to start!

Hares: Cum Dumpling, Coxxx on Demand, Infidelatio, Issues & Tissues, You Can’t Handle the Poop, And maybe more.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.2 miles long
Walkers’ is half(ish) of that

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. Dog friendly, stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun. AND BRING YOUR OWN DAMN BUG SPRAY!! Please.

Last trains out of Takoma
Red Line to Glenmount: 11:55 PM
Red Line to Shady Grove: 11:15 PM

On After: Olive Lounge

Specials: $13 pitchers

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EWH3 #1131, The SHARKBAIT Trail! – June 20, 2019, Pentagon City Metro (Yellow + Blue Lines)

Dun-dun. Dun-dun. Dun-dun.
In honor of the 44 th anniversary of the release of Jaws, mako your way over to PCity for the SHARKBAIT  (Ooh-ha-ha) Trail. Come dressed as your favorite shark or bait… just not jailbait. Shout outs to some of our favorite sharks… Left Shark, Baby Shark, and Land Shark. Do what the lifeguards tell you- if you can find them. Sharks make them run for the hill(s).
Sea you soon, chums!

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City Metro – Start at Pentagon Row Park (Ice Rink in winter) – follow marks from metro to start!

Hares: Seizure’s Phallus, Special Head Kid, Mourning Wood, #squadholes

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Both trails are dog-friendly; walkers’ trail is stroller friendly. No PI. It should be a killer night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun and remember fish are friends, not food.

How Far: Runners trail will be approximately 5 miles long (about 2.5 miles first half and 2.5 miles second half). Walker’s trail is approximately half the distance of the runner’s trail.

Last trains out of Crystal City:
Blue line to Franconia – Springfield:  11:55PMYellow Line to Huntington: 11:37 PMBlue Line to Largo Town Center: 11:17 PMYellow Line to Greenbelt:  11:05 PM

On After:Freddie’s Beach Bar

Specials: KARAOKE!!!!!!

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EWH3 #1130: THE SECOND ANAL ITSY-BITSY TEENY-WEENY YELLOW POLKA DOT BIKINI TRAIL! – THURSDAY, JUNE 13TH – WATERFRONT (GREEN LINE)

It’s hot. It’s humid. It’s summer in DC. Cool off with the biggest pool-free pool part this side of the Anacostia. Whether you prefer to BREASTstroke, Doggy (style) paddle, or just hang by the edge, prepare to get wet and wild.

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For the second year in a row, we’ll have itsy-bitsy attire and plenty of gummy bears (and also maybe some “teeny weenies” – sorry not sorry). Cum dressed to impress in your bikinis, one piece suits, speedo, tankini, or mankini. 

When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 13th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Waterfront Metro – follow marks to start!

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, L’Chymen, Bitches Give Stitches, Son What The Fuck?!, Heaven’s Gape, Schrodinger’s Cock

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. You WILL get wet! Trail is dog-friendly, and so is on-after, but do you really want to smell a wet dog all night? (Present company excluded). It should be a nice summer night. Pack smartly and bring you water wings & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. You WILL get wet! Trail is dog-friendly, and so is on-after, but do you really want to smell a wet dog all night? (Present company excluded). It should be a nice summer night. Pack smartly and bring you water wings & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Waterfront (Green Line): Branch Ave 11:46 PM Greenbelt 11:24 PM

On After: Station 4 1101 4th St SW

Specials: Extended happy hour! $5 house wine, house liquor, select drafts and bottles. Food specials here.

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EWH3 #1129: The Pride & Prejudice Trail – 6:45 PM, Thursday, June 6th, 2019 – Foggy Bottom (Orange / Silver / Blue)

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a thirsty hasher in possession of a good vessel, must be in want of a beverage.” – Jane Austen
Pride month in DC. Not since Regency Britain has there been such an idyllic time. So don your most festive attire and join the pack as it pridefully pounds its way through NW. You may want to dust off that Pride attire if you have not already done so. Or a cheeky cravat a la Beau Brummel? Up to you!

When: 6:45 PM, June 6th, 2019.  Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Foggy Bottom (Orange / Blue / Silver lines)  – follow marks to start (Washington Circle)!

Hares: Wait Wait, Don’t Fuck Me; Agent Orgy; No Strings Attached; Polly Wanna Crackwhore; Mr. Holland’s Anus; and a Mystery Hare.  

Trail Length: 
Runners:a little more than four milesWalkers: a little less than two miles

Misc. Crap: Trail is A to A. Stroller, dog, everything friendly. Bring a lamp, and a mug, and your Pride. Safety third!

Last Trains out of Foggy Bottom:
Blue to Franconia / Springfield: 11:34 PM
Blue to Largo Town Center: 11:28 PM
Orange to Vienna: 11:42 PM
Orange to New Carrollton: 11:17 PM
Silver to Largo Town Center: 11:15 PM
Silver to Wiehle / Reston East  11:27 PM

On After: Recessions


Specials:  You are my pride and joy  

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EWH3 #1128: The Derby Days Trail – 6:45 PM, Thursday, May 30, 2019 – Stadium / Armory (Orange / Silver / Blue)

We’re in the middle of the most unusual anal run of a Triple Crown in some time with a nice disqualification at the Kentucky Derby, the Preakness seemed to go without a hitch, and the Belmont is just weeks away.  So don your seersucker and your big flowery hats, or whatever comes to mind when you think “Derby”, or “horses”, or whatever… Just be ready to sip some Mint Juleps out by Stadium Armory this Thursday – it’s Derby Days!

When: 6:45 PM, May 30th, 2019.  Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Stadium Armory (Orange / Blue / Silver lines)  – follow marks to start!

Hares: Special Head Kid, Just Roxy, Seizure’s Phallus, Heaven’s Gape, Basement Boy Toy, and a Hare To Be Determined Later.  

Trail Length: 
Runners: 2.6 miles 1st half, 2.2 miles 2nd half
Walkers: 1.43 miles 1st half, 1.05 2nd half

Theme:  Derby Derby Derby.  Horse races and stuff.

Misc. Crap: Trail is A to B.  Mild shiggy on runners.  Hares spotted some PI, and plenty of mosquitoes.  So bring the bug spray and your shiggy socks.  Walkers and runners are dog friendly, walkers is stroller / gimpy leg friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last Trains out of Potomac Ave:
Blue to Franconia / Springfield: 11:15 PM
Blue to Largo Town Center: 11:49 PM
Orange to Vienna: 11:36
Orange to New Carrollton: 11:21 PM
Silver to Largo Town Center: 11:34 PM
Silver to Wiehle / Reston East  11:08 PM

On After:   Trustys

Specials:  There are some! The same ones they always give us (I don’t remember what they are, but for real Mark described them to me, but since I’m not a frickin stenographer, you’ll just have to trust (get it?) they’ll be there.  These guys love us, please tip well.  

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EWH3 #1127: On Wednesdays we are (pretty in) Pink Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, May 23, 2019 – Georgia Ave/Petworth (Green/Yellow)

Happy prom season wanks and wankettes! Did you get detention a lot in school? Were you ever punished by being thrown onto the MATHletes team? Were you the hot soccer jock who barely passed their classes? Angry artist? Even if you were the wall flower or outcast, fear not! All are welcum at this end of school year celebratory trail. Come dressed as your favorite high school archetype or wear some old prom gear. Don’t wanna try that hard?….Just wear pink! Every day is Wednesday, after all.

When: 6:45pm, Thursday May 23rd. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Georgia Ave/Petworth – follow marks to start!

Hares: Scooter Cunte, Roll Over, Bitch!, Heaven’s Gape, Tragic Carpet Ride is fearlessly leading the walkers and Slut Machine and Barebackin’ Pearls will be sweeping.

Trail Length:
Runners total trail: 3 miles
Walker’s total trail: 1.4 miles

Theme: Tuxedo shirts? Tiaras and prom dresses? Pink so you can still sit with us?

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Mostly urban so little to no shiggy. Bug spray might be a good idea. Dog and stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Columbia Heights Metro:
Green Line to Branch Ave: 11:22 PM
Green Line to Greenbelt: 11:55 PM
Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:12 PM

On After: Midlands Beer Garden

Specials: OMG we have specials!! Mention you are with “that running group” and have your sweaty gear on or hash necklace and you will get a dollar off all drafts.

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