EWH3 #1154: Unst Unst Unst: Triple Cummings Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, November 14th – Pentagon City (Yellow/Blue)

Remember that great rave back in Nov 2016? Or what about that one in Nov 2017? Missed it, don’t remember it, weren’t there? Don’t worry, we got the perfect excuse to dust off those unused glow sticks! Come on out for this bass dropping, tremble shaking glow trail and help celebrate Twater Boarding and Atari 6900!s’ birthdays! Trail will have all your favorite old school electronic beats. Like this one! And don’t forget Karaoke at the on-after…

When: 6:45 PM, Nov 14th. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City Station and walk to Champs for Prelewb and start, 1100 S Hayes St, Arlington, VA 22202.

Hares: Atari 6900, Twater Boarding, Shart Sharts, Chicks Ahoy, Goldman Ballsach, Bow Chica

Trail Length: 
Runners total trail: 1st is 1.58 mi, 2nd is 1.9 mi
Walker’s total trail: 1st is 1 mi, 2nd is 1 mil

Theme: Suggested themes include: Rave Kitty, Sandstorm, chocolate milk rave, but please, no goth Christmas ravers!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. There may or may not be glow sticks. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of [On-In Metro]:
Franconia-Springfield 11:53 PM
Greenbelt 11:07 PM
Huntington 11:35 PM
Largo Town Center 11:19 PM

On After: Freddies’

Specials: Karaoke – Tip your DJ, Leave Bags at the Door!

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EWH3 #1153: Anal Marine Corps and La Gingeracha Birthday Trail – 6:45 PM THURSDAY, November 7th – Rosslyn Metro (Blue/Orange/Silver Lines)

I. Situation

244th Birthday of the United States Marine Corps, 35th Birthday of La Gingeracha, and a remarkable new addition to the illustrious lore of our beloved Corps: Elizabeth Warren apparently fucked a 24-year-old Marine so hard she broke him. Don’t believe us? It’s true: https://youtu.be/SoRc298lahI?t=136 and https://www.thecut.com/2019/10/jacob-wohl-smear-attempt-just-makes-elizabeth-warren-seem-cool.html

II. Mission

Drink and be merry in honor of our beloved Corps.

III. Execution

When: 6:45 PM Thursday November 7th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Rosslyn Station – follow marks to start at the Iwo Jima Memorial

Hares: Downward-Facing Doggy Style, Shart Sharts, Sphincter Shy, Camo Sutra, La Gingeracha, General’s Farm Animal, and mystery hares!

IV. Administration/Logistics

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Some shiggy/PI potential for runners. Walkers’ trail is dog and stroller friendly, runners’ is not.

It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring lumination & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 9 clicks (5.5 mi) long (about 3.5 mi for the first half and 2 mi for the second half). Walkers’ trail will be approximately 5 clicks (3.1 mi) long.

Last trains out of Rosslyn:
Orange Line Franconia-Springfield 11:47 PM
Blue Line Largo Town Center 11:25 PM
Silver Line Largo Town Center 11:12 PM
Orange Line New Carrollton 11:14 PM
Orange Line Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:45 PM
Silver Line Wiehle-Reston East 11:30 PM

Last trains out of Foggy Bottom:
Orange Line Franconia-Springfield 11:34 PM
Blue Line Largo Town Center 11:28 PM
Silver Line Largo Town Center 11:15 PM
Orange Line New Carrollton 11:17 PM
Orange Line Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:42 PM
Silver Line Wiehle-Reston East 11:27 PM


On After: Church Hall

Specials: 
$4 Narragansetts
$5 Truly Cocktails
$5 Sam Seasonal
$6 Nachos (Kitchen closes at 11 pm)

V. Command/Signal
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EWH3 #1151: Twinkle’s 10TH ANNUAL Halloween Hash Bash! – NOMA Gallaudet Metro (Red Line)

Did you miss the last Twinkle Juice trail? Did you maybe just forget it because you drank too much? Either way, cum join us for the DECENNIAL of Halloween celebrations with Twinkle Juice. Dress up in your spooookiest outfit for a run through NOMA, and let us turn you into zombies with $3 beers and $4 fireball shooters at the on-after…after more Twinkle Juice and other shots than you can shake a spooky stick at.

Call off for Friday now.

Where: NOMA Galludet Metro – Follow Marks to Start

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Colliteral Damage, Vladimir’s Fruitin’, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, and a special spooky Mystery Hare

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. 0% Shiggy, dog friendly trail but not on after. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly, BRING A HEADLAMP & mug! Be smart, have fun. Consider taking Friday off.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 2.5 miles first half and 1.5 mile second half). Walkers’ trail is 2.2 miles long (.6 first half and 1.6 second).

Last trains out of NOMA Gallaudet Metro:

Red Line Glenmont: 11:44 PM
Red Line Shady Grove: 11:26 PM

Song of the week:

♫Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock♫

♫What the hell was in that shot?♫  

♫Chocolate Milk and Everclear♫ 

♫Should have stuck to drinking beer♫

♫Now I have to Twinkle Puke♫

♫Fuck your fucking Twinkle Juice♫

On After: Last Call
1301-A Fourth St., NE

Specials: $3 beers, $4 Fireball shooters, and possibly some kind of Beerback combo if we get enough people to show up. Neat!
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EWH3 #1150: The World Peace Through Beer trail! Ft. Totten Metro (Red/Green/Yellow Line)

Welcome to the Everyday is Wednesday edition of the World Peace Through Beer.  World Peace Through Beer is an annual event held on the closest hashing day to United Nations Day, Oct. 24. We are helping all beer-producing nations by encouraging production and consumption of beer, and helping various hash groups open their eyes to the variety of beers and flavours enjoyed by hashers everywhere.

That being said, the hares want to apologize in advance, as you will be served “good” non-shitty lite beer at beer check. But fear not, you’ll get your normal quality of beer at end circle! Also, this is your typical Haystack trail, if you are training for a marathon, we recommend that you do not use this trail as a training run!

Also, first 25 hashers to sign-in will get a World Peace Through Beer Patch

When: Thursday, Oct 24th, 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Ft. Totten Metro (Red/Green/Yellow Line) – follow marks to start located at Fort Circles Park

Hares: Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, GingerSnatch, Orange is the New Snatch, Shamrock Your Cock

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Minimal PI It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3-4 miles long (about 1-2 miles first half and 1-2 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of [On-In Metro]:
Glenmont: 11:49PM
Shady Grove: 12:21PM

On After: San Antonio Bar and Grill, 3908 12th St NE, Washington, DC 20017

Specials: You’re mom is special

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EWH3#1149: The 8th Anal Pretty Pretty Princess Trail: Scream Queens Edition, Tenleytown (Red Line)

It’s October, that perfect time of year to celebrate the horrors, thrills, and chills of the cinema!  
From the shower scene in Psycho

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To Vera Farmiga just trying to get the ghoul up out her partner –  

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This Pretty Pretty Princess trail, don your best shout-out to your favorite Scream Queen!  Will it be Sally Hardesty?  Carly Jones? Selene?  Nya? 

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Or, on trail:
When: 6:45 PM Thursday October 17, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Tenleytown Metro (Red Line) – Follow marks to start!

Hares: Colliteral Damage, GeriatricMandering, Deathly Swallows, Rail Mary, All Flash No Drive, Rosetta Bone, Tacos On A Bridge

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A-Prime.

How far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.5 miles Walkers’ trail is about 1.7 miles.

Last trains out of Tenleytown (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:19 PM
Shady Grove 11:51 PM

On After: Tenley Bar & Grill (sorry – Guapos is having an event for a different group. WTF – someone told.)

Specials: We have the whole bottom floor and all night HH!


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EWH3 #1148, The Choose Your Adventure Trail – October 10, 2019, Minnesota Ave (Orange) or Capitol Heights (Blue)

That’s right it’s that time of year again, when we give you TWO, yes TWO ways to drink while running.  We have Regular and Ultra this week, and as always our standard Lite (walkers).  You can choose to either show up at regular time at Minnesota Ave and follow marks to start.. or you can choose the beerier and runnier trail!  Get out to Capitol Heights by 5:30, and you get an epic Ballbusting 11+ mile hunt for FOUR beer checks! So choose. your. own. adventure!  Either way, we’ll see you DC Eagle at the end.

Regular Trail When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!
Ballbuster When: 5:30 circle up, Pack away 6:00 PM!

Regular Trail Where: Minnesota Ave (orange line)- follow marks to start!
Ballbuster Where: Capitol Heights (blue line) – follow marks to start!

Regular Hares: Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me & several mystery hares!
Ballbuster Hares: All Flash No Drive, Special Head Kid, Goldman Ballsachs, By the Power of Gayskull, Quid Pro Blow

Miscellaneous Crap: Regular trail is A to A’ (same metro). Ballbuster trail is A to Z. There will be some shiggy on both trails. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp (it’s dark again people!) & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Regular Trail is 2 1/4 first half, and a little more than 2 on the second half.
Walkers is just a little over 1 mile each half.
Ballbuster true trail is 11.5 miles

Last trains out of Minnesota Ave:
Orange Line to New Carrollton:  11:57 PM
Orange Line to Vienna / Fairfax:  11:15 PM 

On After: DC Eagle

Specials: DC Eagle is a pretty special place

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EWH3 #1147, The Florida Man Trail! – October 3, 2019 – West Hyattsville (Green Line)

From Kennedy Space Center to Walt Disney World, Daytona 500 to the Ten Thousand Islands, Okeefenokee to Okeechobee, and Panama City Beach to South Beach, what caped crusader, high on bath salts, strikes without warning, his trusty sidekick alligator by his side? Florida Man, Florida Man, FLORIDA MAN! Let’s celebrate the colorful native of Florida (America’s wang) with a rousing romp just across the border into a state with nearly-as-bad drivers. Anyone else going to Florida for the InterAm cruise next week?

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: West Hyattsville – follow marks to start!

Hares: Pinocchi-Ho, Special Red, Split Her Bare, Quid Pro Blow, and Papal Smear

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. There will be light shiggy. Eagles will get wet. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp (it’s dark again people!) & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be less than five miles long. Walkers’ trail will be less than two and a half miles long. Florida Man doesn’t measure halves! But if you must know, the trail is more or less even halves, between 2-2.5 miles each.

Last trains out of West Hyattsville:
– Branch Avenue: 11:06pm
– Huntington: 11:08pm
– Greenbelt: 12:05am

On After:Lee’s Bar (feat. karaoke until 11pm!)

Specials: Karaoke!

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EWH3 #1146: The Cat Ladies and Gentlemen Present the Second Anal Tour du Feline – September 26, 2019 – Union Station Metro (Red Line)

Thank you for renewing your subscription to Cat FactsTM.

Cat Fact # 69: A female cat can be referred to as a molly or a queen, and a male cat is often labeled as a tom. Yasss queen! 

Cat Fact # 1063: The Cat Fanciers Association recognizes 44 breeds of cats.

Cat Fact #1146: A group of cats is called a clowder.

Data limit reached. You can receive more Cat Facts at this week’s trail! There may even be something special for the cats who show up early! 

Bonus: Here’s one of HareRazor’s favorite cat videos.

When:6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Union Station Metro. Follow marks to start. 

Hares: General Tso’s Kitten, (Lickin’) Deetz Nutz, Geriatric Meow-ndering, Tail Mary, Mew-mbo # Hives, Schrödinger’s Cat (maybe alive?)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Only “shiggy” is at beer check. Bring a h*adlamp and BUG SPRAY. 

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3.9 miles long (about 2.45 miles first half and 1.45 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance. 

Last trains out of Union Station:
Glenmont: 11:42pm
Shady Grove: 11:28pm

On After: Union Pub
201 Massachusetts Ave NE

Hamilton’s will be hella packed for the Packers game. But at Union Pub, you can partake in the glorious:

Specials: 

  • $13 Bud Light Pitchers
  • $4.50 rail drinks
  • $4.50 mystery beers
  • $5 stella drafts

Kitchen open ‘til midnight! Tip your bartenders! 

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EWH3 #1145 The Second Spooky Boozy Almost Octoboo-er Trail! – September 19th – Foggy Bottom (Blue/Silver/Orange)

Do you consider yourself a witch? Does the thought of pumpkins make you want to run Amok Amok Amok Amok? Join the Boozy Whore-or Ladies as we stumble through Georgetown looking for sexy ghosts and booze!

When: September 19th. 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Foggy Bottom – follow marks to start!

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Son, What the Fuck?!; Split Her Bare; Quantum Whizics; Orange is the New Snatch; Starship In Her Thighs; Deathly Swallows; General Tso Dicken; Rail Mary

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Trail is dog-friendly, but not stroller or injury friendly. No PI, but lots of ghosts and booze. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.8 miles long (about 2.2 miles first half and 2.4 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Foggy Bottom:
Franconia-Springfield 11:34 PM
Largo Town Center 11:28 PM
Largo Town Center 11:15 PM
New Carrollton 11:17 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:42 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:27 PM

On After:
Georgetown Piano Bar
3287 M St NW

Specials: You’re so pretty! <wink>


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EWH3 #1144: The 10TH ANNUAL Anything But Clothes Hash! – 6:45 PM Thursday, September 12th – Capitol South Metro (Blue and Orange)

Can you believe it’s been a DECADE of running around in non-clothing? No… no, you probably can’t. Memories don’t form correctly when under the influence of Twinkle Juice. There’s an anthem for that:

♫Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock♫
♫What the hell was in that shot?♫  
♫Chocolate Milk and Everclear♫ 
♫Should have stuck to drinking beer♫ 
♫Now I have to Twinkle Puke♫
♫Fuck your fucking Twinkle Juice♫ 

Join us for the happiest, drunkiest tradition now in its TENTH year, the Anything But Clothes Hash! You know the drill by now – show up wearing anything EXCEPT clothing – trash bags, cardboard boxes, strategically placed stuffed animals, or just lots of duct tape. Duct tape is your friend. In a pinch? Wear a toga or a pillowcase. Just don’t be the only one who shows up in clothes! As always, there will be a prize for best costume promised, and usually delivered if the Twinkle Juice hasn’t taken over by then.

Oh. And there will be Twinkle Juice, as a part of four shot checks. Just take off Friday now.

See you there in a hastily thrown together duct tape mess, or a condom dress you’ve been working on for two months. We don’t care as long as it’s not clothes!

-Twinkle and Friends

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 12th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Capitol South – follow marks to start!

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Hungry Hungry Homo, All Flash No Drive, Split Her Bare, Sphincter Shy and Wank Like An Egyptian

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. 0% Shiggy, dog friendly as long as it’s not wearing clothes. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly BRING A HEADLAMP & mug! Be smart, have fun. Consider taking Friday off.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 3 miles first half and 1 mile second half). Walkers’ trail is 2.5 miles long (1.25 first half and 1.25 second).

Last trains out of Capitol South Metro:
Blue Line Franconia-Springfield 11:19 PM
Silver Line Largo Town Center 11:30 PM
Blue Line Largo Town Center 11:45 PM
Orange Line New Carrollton 11:32 PM
Orange Line Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:25 PM
Silver Line Wiehle-Reston East 11:12 PM

On After:
Bullfeathers

Specials: Don’t worry about it. There will be ample Twinkle Juice outside.

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