Happy prom season wanks and wankettes! Did you get detention a lot in school? Were you ever punished by being thrown onto the MATHletes team? Were you the hot soccer jock who barely passed their classes? Angry artist? Even if you were the wall flower or outcast, fear not! All are welcum at this end of school year celebratory trail. Come dressed as your favorite high school archetype or wear some old prom gear. Don’t wanna try that hard?….Just wear pink! Every day is Wednesday, after all.

When: 6:45pm, Thursday May 23rd. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Georgia Ave/Petworth – follow marks to start!

Hares: Scooter Cunte, Roll Over, Bitch!, Heaven’s Gape, Tragic Carpet Ride is fearlessly leading the walkers and Slut Machine and Barebackin’ Pearls will be sweeping.

Trail Length:
Runners total trail: 3 miles
Walker’s total trail: 1.4 miles

Theme: Tuxedo shirts? Tiaras and prom dresses? Pink so you can still sit with us?

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Mostly urban so little to no shiggy. Bug spray might be a good idea. Dog and stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Columbia Heights Metro:
Green Line to Branch Ave: 11:22 PM
Green Line to Greenbelt: 11:55 PM
Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:12 PM

On After: Midlands Beer Garden

Specials: OMG we have specials!! Mention you are with “that running group” and have your sweaty gear on or hash necklace and you will get a dollar off all drafts.

Goin’ Deep … into the ‘burbs!  And deep into metro apparently.  Fun fact: Forest Glen is metro’s deepest station and the only one that relies exclusively on elevators.  So get ready for some serious suburban shiggy as Edubs goes deep into the ‘burbs, deep into metro, deep into shiggy – we’re going so deep, we’re outside the beltway!

When: Thursday, May 9th 6:45PM, Pack away at 7:15PM!

Where: Forest Glen Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  Blows A Tranny, Broke Back Mama, CoXXX on Demand, Put It Out, Tuck Tuck Deuce, & Mystery hare

Trail Length: Runners 5 miles; Walkers 3 miles

Theme:  Run around the woods, drink beer and have fun.

Misc. Stuff:  Live A to B trail through the hills and dales of Maryland.  There’s shiggy on this trail for everyone — “Shiggy” means mud (eek!) foliage (eek!) water (eek!) spiders (eeeeeek!) and other interesting stuff.  “Everyone” means both walkers and runners.   Dog friendly, moderate PI risk if you’re sensitive (hares didn’t get any, but we are not the sensitive types). Bring dry clothes and headlamp for reals.  

On After:McGinty’s Public House

Last Red Line Train Inbound from Silver Spring: 11:12 PM

Who’s single? Who’s taken? Who’s just up for some Netflix and Chill? Who wants to tell their significant other to be on their toes because things are are getting weird? Well now we’ll all know! Rock your availability colors!

Green – SIIIINNNGGGGLLEEE!!
Yellow – I could be down, I might be casually dating, come chat about it
Red – I’m taken, we can be friends tho!

Be fun, show us your colors. We all know the best relationships are between hashers! So spring into our love tunnels of Crystal City!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday April 25, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City– Mall Exit – follow marks to start!

Hares: #SquadHoles, L’Hymen, Heaven’s Gape and Poon Apple Juice… AKA #L’GapeHoleJuice

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Trail is a urban pavement pounder with many tunnels of love. Stroller friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Trail Lengths
Runners: 2 miles first half, 2.5 miles second half
Walkers: 0.9 first half, 1.25 miles second half

Last trains out of Crystal City:
Red, Yellow, Green to Fort Totten: 11:08 PM
Blue to Franconia / Springfield: 11:55 PM
Yellow to Huntington: 11:31 PM
Silver, Blue to Largo Town Center: 11:17 PM

On After: Freddie’s Beach Bar & Restaurant, 555 23rd St S, Arlington, VA 22202

Specials: Drunk Hare Karaoke, maybe some food specials

This Sunday is Palm Sunday and you know what that means, it’s time to slap some palms! Join us in Eastern Market as we high five our way through the streets of SE.

When: 6:45PM, April 11th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Eastern Market Metro – follow marks to start!

Hares: Mr. Holland’s Anus, Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me, Rail Mary, Maybe It’s Gaybelline, and a Mystery Hare.

Trail Length: About 4 miles for runners, roughly 2 for walkers.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. We will never be off pavement. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Eastern Market:

Blue Line Franconia-Springfield 11:17 PM 12:47 AM 10:47 PM

Silver Line Blue Line  Largo Town Center 11:38 PM 1:08 AM 11:08 PM

Orange Line New Carrollton 11:48 PM 1:18 AM 11:18 PM

Orange Line Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:23 PM 12:53 AM 10:53 PM

Silver Line Wiehle-Reston East 11:10 PM 12:40 AM 10:40 PM M

On After: The Brig

Specials: $25 Beer Buckets, you get 5 Coors Lights, or blue moons, mix and match.

That’s right wanks, PC might as well stand for pussy cat because meowwwwl! Ya’ll like to wax poetic about your favorite social issue in this town. (Isn’t that why most of us relocated here? Any how. If you have thin skin, this trail is not fur you. You’ll be sure to find little easter eggs of tribute to everyone’s favorite social cause…. whether your waging war on mutant flour based foods, you forsake our beverage of choice or you’re all about saving them poor women folk from their dainty selves…. ba-gock. Trot your cock on out. (Public Service Announcement: Absolutely NO CHICKENS were harmed in the making of this trail.)

When: 6:45. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: U Street Metro Stop. African Memorial Side – follow marks to start!

Hares: Dial F, Roll Over Bitch, Scooter Cunte, Wank Like an Egyptian and possibly a mystery hare…

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. No PI or water crossings to worry about yet, (We miss you Penis Fly Trap!) Should be dog and stroller friendly for the most part but that baby better not be vaccinated. It should be a nice night. Pack a hoodie for On After and don’t forget a headlamp & mug! We’re hashers, not trashers.

Last trains out of Columbia Heights Metro:

Green Line to Branch Ave: 11:21 PM
Green Line to Greenbelt: 11:55 PM
Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:12 PM

On After: Meridian Pint

Specials: TBD.