EWH3 1356: China Invasion Hash, June 1, 2023, McPherson Square (Silver/Blue/Orange)

Throughout the past few years, as EWH3 hashers have gone about their days completely oblivious to what’s under their noses, operatives from abroad have infiltrated your group. Watching, from a fleet of balloons with an unblinking eye, we have learned your half-mind ways, your illegible marks, your embarrassing tendencies, and your off-key songs. You see us as your friends, your drinking buddies, your lovers – just as we had planned. Because of your misplaced trust, we now know how you think and what you like to drink. Have no doubt that we WILL use it against you. And now it’s time for us to invade. 

So…

Warm up your peeking ducks and fill your hot pots, beause you’re in for a mindblowing BJ experience. It’s time for us to mount your Great Wall and explore your Forbidden City. We’ll bring you from Hou Hai to “oh my”. From Birds Nest to “oh yes”. From Water Cube to “more lube”. From Sanlitun to “get me done”. From CBD to “oui oui oui”. From Fengtai to “fun time”. 

YOU MUST SIGN UP AND PAY VIA HASH REGO IF PAYING BY CARD: https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-1356.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, June 1, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: McPherson Square metro – Follow marks to Franklin Park

Nearest Capital Bike Share: 14th St & New York Ave

Hares: Agent Orgy, Quid Pro Blow, MoreMen, Moose Knuckles, Chokes One Out, Cums on Vacation, Sink & Destroy, Molotov Cock

Trail Details:
– Runners: 2.3 mi. first half / 2.4 mi. second half

– Walkers: 1.2 mi first half / 1.3 mi. second half

– Shiggy: 0.69


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’ (0.3 mi to McPherson Square Metro). Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, dry shoes, bug spray, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is required if paying by card! Be smart, have fun.

End Metro: McPherson Square

Last Trains Out:

Ashburn (SV): 11:58pm

Downtown Largo (SV): 12:00am

Downtown Largo (BL): 12:04am

Franconia-Springfield (BL): 12:00am

New Carrollton (OR): 11:50pm

Vienna/Fairfax-GMU (OR): 12:06am

On After*: Recessions

Specials: you’re special!*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.

EWH3 1355: The We Ain’t Retiring Yet! Trail, May 25, 2023, Ballston (Orange/Silver)

Time for a throwback to old-school EWH3, with wet shoes, flash(!)lights, shot checks, and a bit more mileage, like we used to do (Uphill! Both ways! Through 10 ft of snow! In the blazing heat! Chased by dragons!). Your veteran hares have dug deep into what archives we haven’t forgotten to bring you a classic – nay, timeless! – romp through [somewhere other than downtown] to stoke nostalgia among our fellow oldies and wonder amongst the whipper-snappers. Yes, Virginia, there really are EWH3 trails outside the District!

YOU MUST SIGN UP AND PAY VIA HASH REGO IF PAYING BY CARD: https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-1355.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, May 25, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Ballston Metro, follow marks to start

Nearest Capital Bike Share: Stuart St & 9th St N

Hares: Pinocchi-Ho; All Flash, No Drive; Spit ‘N’ Spin; Shetland Blow Me; Mambo Number Hives; and Atari 6900

Trail Details:
– Runners: 3.4 mi. first half / 2.5 mi. second half

– Walkers: 1.7 mi first half / 1.1 mi. second half

– Shiggy: 3.69


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’ (0.4 mi to Ballston Metro). Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, dry shoes, bug spray, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is required if paying by card! Be smart, have fun.

End Metro: Ballston

Last Trains Out:

Downtown Largo (SV) – 11:45 PM
Ashburn (SV) – 12:12 AM
New Carrolton (OR) – 11:35 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU (OR) – 12:20 AM

On After*: CarPool

Specials: TBD

*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.

EWH3 1354: Cleveland Park Presents: SchroCo’s Shiggython Trail!, May 18, 2023, Cleveland Park (Red Line)

Tired of boring pavement pounders through downtown?

Want to feel like you’re trailblazing through the Shenandoah without leaving the comfort of your own city?

Well you’re in luck because this week Schrödinger’s Cock is going to take you through some of the best shiggy Cleveland Parkhave to offer! Strap on those new (*snicker*) trail running shoes and rego today!

YOU MUST SIGN UP AND PAY VIA HASH REGO IF PAYING BY CARD: https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-1353

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, May 18, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Cleveland Park

Nearest Capital Bike Share: Connecticut Ave & Macomb St NW / Cleveland Park

Hares: Schrödinger’s Cock; Crocs On, Crocs Off; Prostate Rights; Unobtanium; and a mystery shiggy hare!

Trail Details:
– Runners: 2.2 mi. first half / 1.9 mi. second half

– Walkers: 1.2mi first half / 1 mi. second half

– Shiggy: 4.69 (runners will get wet first half) 


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z (1 mi to Columbia Heights Metro).Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, dry shoes, bug spray, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is required if paying by card! Be smart, have fun.

End Metro: Columbia Heights

Last Trains Out:

Branch Ave – 11:45 PM

Greenbelt – 12:23 AM

On After*: Lyman’s

Specials: Getting wet at an edub trail is special

*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.

EWH3 #1352 – The Wednesday is a Birthday Day Trail – May 11, 2023 – Marshall’s Bar (near Foggy Bottom – Blue/Orange/Silver)

Fun fact: if you exercise after drinking, your liver will be working harder to get rid of the toxins from the alcohol so it will be slower to clear out the lactic acid thus, increasing the likely hood of cramps (Source: The Irish Nutrition and Dietetic Institute). In that true spirit, join Crocs On (Please Clap) Crocs Off (Please Clap) as she scrambles to create her first trail ever whilst being hung over the day after her birthday. Trail will be one-ish leg with a quickie shot check halfway. Hash provided beer at end until the hash cash runs out. Bag drop, opening circle, and end circle at Marshall’s Bar.

Make sure to bring IDs!

YOU MUST SIGN UP AND PAY VIA HASHREGO IF PAYING BY CARD!

When: Thursday, May 11th, 2023 — Bag drop starting at 6:45. Pack away at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Marshall’s Bar – 2524 L St NW

Hares: Crocs On Crocs Off, Screaming Pussy, and Tumie McBartender

Trail Details:
– Runners: 1.04 mi. first half / 1.01 mi. second half
– Walkers: 0.59 first half / 0.645 mi. second half
– Shiggy: .69
Misc Details: Trail is A to A. Bring your ID. Don’t expect a long trail or a beer check.

Last Trains Out:
Franconia-Springfield: 12:03 AM
Largo: 12:00 Am
New Carrollton: 11:46 PM
Vienna Fairfax-GMU: 12:09 AM
Ashburn: 12:01 AM
Largo: 12:00 AM

On-After:
You already know. It’s Marshall’s

EWH3 1349: It’s Gonna Be May, April 27, 2023, Columbia Heights Metro (Green/Yellow)

Beer is amber, April is grey, next time you go hashing…

This trail is an ode to boy bands (and obviously beer). Break out that NSync shirt you got when you saw the No Strings Attached tour in Raleigh in 2000 (“oops, just me?” -GTD), that Hanson sweatshirt you swear you don’t still have, or just a Nick Carter mask (because I’m sure Turd has one somewhere) – then join us in Mount Pleasant for a rockin’ (ingly shitty) trail.

YOU MUST SIGN UP AND PAY VIA HASH REGO IF PAYING BY CARD: https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-1349

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 27, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Columbia Heights Metro – meet at Raubaut Park on the Mount Pleasant side (Mount Pleasant Street NW and Columbia Road NW)

Nearest Capital Bike Share: Start: 16th and Harvard NW; End: Lamont and Mt. Pleasant NW

Hares: General Tso’s Dicken, Head injury, This Little Piggy, the Artist formerly known as Just May (obviously)

Trail Details: 
– Runners: 1.5 mi. first half / 2.4 mi. second half
– Walkers: 0.7 first half /1.4 mi. second half
– Shiggy: .69 

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’ (very prime – 0.7 miles to metro). Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is required if paying by card! Be smart, have fun. 

End Metro: Columbia Heights 
Last Trains Out:
Green Line
-Greenbelt (12:23am)
-Branch Ave (11:45pm)
-L’Enfant (to transfer to blue line in time – 11:31pm)

On After*: Don Juan (1660 Lamont St NW, Washington, DC 20010)
Specials: Support hash-family bars!
*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.

EWH3 1348: The Snoop Dogg 4/20 Blaze It Trail, April 20, 2023, Rosslyn Metro (Blue/Silver/Orange)

IT’S 4/20, YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS (unless you work in government, but you still know what it means)! IT’S TIME FOR GOOD SAINT SNOOP DOGG TO VISIT ALL THE GOOD WEED SMOKERS AROUND THE WORLD AND GET BLAZED!

Come dressed as your favorite Snoop Dogg era/album cover, your favorite marijuana paraphernalia, your favorite dog/Dogg, a straight muthafuckin’ G, or your favorite excuse for why you can’t partake in the Devil’s Lettuce.

Trail is DOG(G) FRIENDLY so bring your furry friends! I mean, your fur-covered friends. Well, I guess your furry friends are welcome too, but this trail has four-legged friends in mind.

And don’t forget to leave a blunt and munchies out by your fireplace the night before for Snoop!

**REMINDER: It remains illegal to consume marijuana or offer marijuana to another person in any public place in the state of Virginia. Get high BEFORE trail to save us from any trouble.***

YOU MUST SIGN UP AND PAY VIA HASH REGO IF PAYING BY CARD (https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-1348).

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 20, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Rosslyn Metro. Meet at the plaza across Moore St on the east side of the station

Nearest Capital Bike Share: Rosslyn Metro / Wilson Blvd & N Moore St

Hares: Close Encounters of the Turd Kind, Whoriana Trench, Just Colby

Trail Details:
– Runners: 1.8 mi. first half / 1.7 (turkey)/ 2.0 (eagle) mi. second half

– Walkers: 0.86 mi first half / 0.96 mi. second half

– Shiggy: 1.69 (some dirt, intermediate elevation, but still dogg friendly!)


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A (0.15 miles to metro). Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is required if paying by card! Be smart, have fun.

End Metro: Rosslyn Metro

Last Trains Out:

-Ashburn (Silver): 12:04am

-Largo (Silver): 11.38pm

-Franconia-Springfield (Blue): 12:24am

-Huntington (Blue): 12:10am

-Largo (Blue): 11:57pm

-New Carrollton (Blue): 11:51pm

-Vienna (Orango): 12:12am

-New Carrollton (Orange): 11:43am 

On After*: The Continental

Specials: Your mom is special

*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.

EWH3 1347: The Death and Taxes…and BEER Trail!, April 13, 2023, Cleveland Park Metro (Red Line)

Have you long since blown your tax refund on drinks to drown your weltschmerz and  ennui? Or have you been unable to even begin them, consumed by the thought that reality is a veil, a fiction built on the back of perceptions packaged by our senses, which are themselves infinitely fallible, that nothing therefore is truly knowable and everything is meaningless?

Then your hares invite you to drown that existential angst in booze and exercise endorphins, for nothing is certain but death and taxes…and beer!

YOU MUST SIGN UP AND PAY VIA HASH REGO IF PAYING BY CARD: https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-1347

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 13, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Cleveland Park Metro (Red Line). Follow marks to start! 

Nearest Capital Bike Share: Connecticut Ave. NW and Macomb St. NW

Hares: Head Injury; Crocs On, Crocs Off; Immoral Support; maybe a mystery hare

Trail Details:
– Runners: 1.8 mi. first half / 1.9 mi. second half

– Walkers: 0.9 first half /1.2 mi. second half

– Shiggy: 0.69 


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’ (0.4 miles to metro). Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is required if paying by card! Be smart, have fun.

End Metro: Cleveland Park (Red Line)

Last Trains Out:

Shady Grove: 12:12am

Glenmont: 11:52pm

On After*: Nanny O’Brien’s

3319 Connecticut Ave. NW

Specials: You are special.

*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.

EWH3 #1346: New Beer’s Eve Trail – April 6, 2023 – Lyman’s Tavern (Georgia Ave/Petworth)

Trail will be one leg with no beer check. Bag drop and opening circle at Lyman’s Tavern. End circle on the patio with beer provided until the hash cash runs out. Bring your ID.

Once upon a time, the beer lovers of the United States were very sad. The government ratified the 18th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution in 1920, banning all intoxicating liquors, including beer, beginning the period of American history we now know as Prohibition. However, in 1933, Prohibition came to an end. On April 7, President Roosevelt signed a bill allowing the sale of beer and wine with up to 3.2% alcohol content. It was a small step that paved the way to the full repeal of Prohibition in December. Now, we celebrate New Beer’s Eve each year on April 6! So grab a beer and toast to your ability to drink it!

Hash Cash: $10 cash at sign in or rego in advance online via Hash Rego

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, April 6, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Lyman’s Tavern – 3720 14th St NW (Closest metro – Georgia Ave/Petworth)

Nearest Capital Bike Share: 14th St & Spring Road NW

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, Head Injury, Vagina is for Lawyers, and a Mystery Hare

Trail Details:
– Runners: 1.75 mi. first half / 1.5 mi. second half

– Walkers: 0.86 first half / 0.55 mi. second half

– Shiggy: .69

There will be no real beer check for this trail! Halves are separated by a shot check, however walkers will wait for runners who wish to switch to walkers’ trail. 


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A (bar to bar). Bring your ID, a cranium light, and a sense of humor. Be smart, have fun.

End Metro: Georgia Ave/Petworth

Last Trains Out:

Green Line to Greenbelt: 12:26am

Green Line to Branch Avenue: 11:43pm

On After: Lyman’s Tavern

Specials: It’s also end circle.. and start

EWH3 1342: The Pre-WIE Spy Recruitment Trail! March 30th, 2023, Eastern Market (Orange, Silver, Blue)

Before being assigned to the Spy filled adventures this weekend, you first need to get through your training. The hares will be testing your endurance, problem solving skills, and a spy’s most important asset, the ability to drink your mark under the table. This trial is where you prove that you have what it takes to handle your true mission, codename WIE.

Signup on HashRego is required if paying by card: https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-1342

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, March 30, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: Eastern Market Metro

Nearest Capital Bike Share: Eastern Market Metro (start)/Potomac & Penn Ave SE (end)

Hares: Ready Player None, Trains, Stains, and Automobiles, Close Encounters of the Turd Kind, Poon-apple Juice, and possibly a mystery hare.

Trail Details: 
– Runners: 2.1 mi. first half / 2.5 mi. second half
– Walkers: 1.0 mi. first half / 1.3 mi. second half
– Shiggy: 0.69

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B (0.3 miles to metro). Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is required if paying by card! Be smart, have fun.

End Metro: Potomac Ave Metro
Last Trains Out:
-Reagan National Airport: 11:46pm
-Vienna/FFX: 11:52pm
-Wiehle-Reston East: 11:44pm
-Largo: 12:18am
-New Carrollton: 12:20am
-Largo: 11:58pm

On After*: Trusty’s (1420 Pennsylvania Ave SE).
Specials: Classified (for now)
*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.

EWH3 1341: The Honey Bunches of Colliteral White Dress Trail! March 23, 2023 NoMa-Gallaudet U (Red)

The Hares rambunctiously invite you to the White Dress Trail of Colliteral Damage and Honey Bunches of Cunt before they tie the knot! Show up in your white dresses and be ready to celebrate!

Sign up on HashRego if paying by card: https://hashrego.com/events/ewh3-ewh3-1337-the-honey-bunches-of-colliteral-wh

When: 6:45 PM Thursday, March 23, 2023. Pack will be away right at 7:15 PM, don’t be late!

Where: NoMa-Gallaudet U Metro. Follow marks to start

Nearest Capital Bike Share: 1st St & M St NE

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Glitty Clitty Gang Bang; S&Mom; 1 if by Man, 2 if by She; Just Campbell; Spit ‘n Spin; Shetland Blow Me; and Dry Rub

Trail Details: 
– Runners: 1.7mi. first half / 2 mi. second half
– Walkers: .8 first half /1 mi. second half
– Shiggy: .69

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B (.3 miles to metro)]. There will be stairs on runners trail. Bring your own vessel, a cranium light, and a full water bottle. Sign up on Hash Rego is Required! Be smart, have fun. 

End Metro: Rhode Island Ave-Brentwood Metro
Last Trains Out:
-Glenmont 12:17 AM
-Shady Grove 11:53 PM

On After*: Metro Bar
Specials: Stay tuned…
*On Afters are an unofficial hash adjacent event. Please use your best adult judgment to decide about your participation.