Did you know that male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, but female reindeer don’t? So that ugly sweater you have of humping reindeer is a whole lot kinkier than you thought. And Thursday is your chance to Where: Eastern Market Metro (Blue/Orange/Silver Line) – follow marks to start!
wear it! That’s right, for the fifth year in a row, we are giving you the chance to wear your tackiest, ugliest, or most hideous holiday sweater on a winter wonderland romp!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday December 12th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Hares: Head Injury; Issues and Tissues, Rail Mary, Rosetta Bone, Special Red, and Unobtainium

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’ and is a pavement pounder. No shiggy unless you do something weird. Trail is stroller and dog friendly.  It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.1 miles long (about 2.2 miles first half and 1.9 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Potomac Avenue (Blue/Orange/Silver Lines)

On After:
Trusty’s1420 Pennsylvania Ave. SE

Specials: You are special

This is somewhere about the 15th or 16th year your hares are hosting this trail!  Don’t look to get your marathon training done for the week on this trail.  As the fairest member of your hares so eloquently put it years ago, “You won’t burn off the calories found in one scoop of mashed potatoes and gravy!”  This trail is short and sweet.  Walkers trail is even shorter than runners. 

We will be providing our famous shots of Wild Turkey!  Along with one or 2 other surprises.  Shamrock usually also provides us with a special treat.  This is normally one of the drunkest trails of the year that doesn’t have Twinkle juice!  So come hang out with us and drink your fill during the day and then go stuff yourself with food later.

When: SPECIAL START TIME of 11AM

Pre-Lube: Begins at 10AM at the parking deck.  Bring your own drinks!  No alcohol will be provided from the hash until after trail has started.

Start:  Parking deck above the Continental in Rosslyn, VA

Hares:  Please Step Away from the Whores, Purple Peter Eater, Aeriola Borialis, and maybe a mystery hare or 2.

No On After:  Go home and bother your real family

Metro: Metro is running on holiday schedule so plan on waiting 20 minutes between trains.

Remember that great rave back in Nov 2016? Or what about that one in Nov 2017? Missed it, don’t remember it, weren’t there? Don’t worry, we got the perfect excuse to dust off those unused glow sticks! Come on out for this bass dropping, tremble shaking glow trail and help celebrate Twater Boarding and Atari 6900!s’ birthdays! Trail will have all your favorite old school electronic beats. Like this one! And don’t forget Karaoke at the on-after…

When: 6:45 PM, Nov 14th. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City Station and walk to Champs for Prelewb and start, 1100 S Hayes St, Arlington, VA 22202.

Hares: Atari 6900, Twater Boarding, Shart Sharts, Chicks Ahoy, Goldman Ballsach, Bow Chica

Trail Length: 
Runners total trail: 1st is 1.58 mi, 2nd is 1.9 mi
Walker’s total trail: 1st is 1 mi, 2nd is 1 mil

Theme: Suggested themes include: Rave Kitty, Sandstorm, chocolate milk rave, but please, no goth Christmas ravers!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. There may or may not be glow sticks. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of [On-In Metro]:
Franconia-Springfield 11:53 PM
Greenbelt 11:07 PM
Huntington 11:35 PM
Largo Town Center 11:19 PM

On After: Freddies’

Specials: Karaoke – Tip your DJ, Leave Bags at the Door!

Did you miss the last Twinkle Juice trail? Did you maybe just forget it because you drank too much? Either way, cum join us for the DECENNIAL of Halloween celebrations with Twinkle Juice. Dress up in your spooookiest outfit for a run through NOMA, and let us turn you into zombies with $3 beers and $4 fireball shooters at the on-after…after more Twinkle Juice and other shots than you can shake a spooky stick at.

Call off for Friday now.

Where: NOMA Galludet Metro – Follow Marks to Start

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Colliteral Damage, Vladimir’s Fruitin’, Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack, and a special spooky Mystery Hare

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. 0% Shiggy, dog friendly trail but not on after. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly, BRING A HEADLAMP & mug! Be smart, have fun. Consider taking Friday off.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 2.5 miles first half and 1.5 mile second half). Walkers’ trail is 2.2 miles long (.6 first half and 1.6 second).

Last trains out of NOMA Gallaudet Metro:

Red Line Glenmont: 11:44 PM
Red Line Shady Grove: 11:26 PM

Song of the week:

♫Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock♫

♫What the hell was in that shot?♫  

♫Chocolate Milk and Everclear♫ 

♫Should have stuck to drinking beer♫

♫Now I have to Twinkle Puke♫

♫Fuck your fucking Twinkle Juice♫

On After: Last Call
1301-A Fourth St., NE

It’s October, that perfect time of year to celebrate the horrors, thrills, and chills of the cinema!  
From the shower scene in Psycho

To Vera Farmiga just trying to get the ghoul up out her partner –  

This Pretty Pretty Princess trail, don your best shout-out to your favorite Scream Queen!  Will it be Sally Hardesty?  Carly Jones? Selene?  Nya? 

Or, on trail:
When: 6:45 PM Thursday October 17, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Tenleytown Metro (Red Line) – Follow marks to start!

Hares: Colliteral Damage, GeriatricMandering, Deathly Swallows, Rail Mary, All Flash No Drive, Rosetta Bone, Tacos On A Bridge

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A-Prime.

How far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.5 miles Walkers’ trail is about 1.7 miles.

Last trains out of Tenleytown (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:19 PM
Shady Grove 11:51 PM

On After: Tenley Bar & Grill (sorry – Guapos is having an event for a different group. WTF – someone told.)

Specials: We have the whole bottom floor and all night HH!