EWH3 #1169: The Emphasis is on the 69 – 6:45 PMThursday, February 20th – Deanwood (Orange Line)

Even been psychoanalyzed while on trail? Suffer from parapraxis during on-afters? Or just really interested in the human’s largest sex organ – the Human Brain? Then join Atari, LCMHC, and friends for a psychological journey through Freud’s theory of Hashers’ psychosexual development!

Oral Stage: 1st trail to 17th, the main focus is pleasure-seeking through the Hasher’s mouth. During this stage, the need for tasting and sucking becomes prominent in producing pleasure. 

Anal Stage: 18th trail to 69th, EWH3 Hashers seek pleasure by being overly anal-retentive and obsessively following DC politics and happy hour prices. 

Latency Stage: 70th trail through 100th, Hashers have no pleasure-seeking region of the body; instead, all sexual feelings are repressed because they got ghosted for the 4th time. 

Genital Stage: 100th trail till death, is the final stage of psychosexual development. Hashers who have overcome being ghosted with beer are now able to fully mature into well-balanced half minds.

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday Feb 20th. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Deadwood Metro, Kiss & Ride Lot 

Hares: Atari 6900, Moaning Wood, Just Kirsten, Just Gautham, and perhaps a mystery hare!

Trail Length:  Runners total trail: 1st half 2.5mi / 2nd half 2.5 mi – Walker’s total trail: 1st half 0.8mi / 2nd half 1.38mi

Theme: Suggested themes include your favorite innuendo, Winnie the Pooh, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Alice in Wonderland, and something to really make you think. 

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Runners will get their feet wet. Pack smartly and bring a lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of [On-In Metro]: New Carrollton 11:57 PM / Vienna/Fairfax-GMU   11:15 PM

On-After: DC Eagle

Specials: L.U.R.E. Specials

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EWH3 #1168: The 2nd Anal Tunnels of Love – 6:45 PM Thursday, February 13th – Pentagon City (Blue/Yellow Lines)


Who’s single? Who’s taken? Who’s just up for some Netflix & Chill? Who wants to tell their significant other to be on their toes because things are complicated? Well now we’ll know! Rock your availability color(s) in this special Valentine’s Day take on a stoplight trail!

Green – SIIIINNNNGGGGLLEEE!!

Yellow – I could be down, I may be casually dating, let’s chat about it

Red – I’m taken or not interested, but let’s be friends!

Wear the appropriate colors and potentially find your first Valentine of the decade! We all know the best relationships are obvs between hashers, so lurk into the love tunnels of Crystal City with your fav kennel!

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday February 13, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where:  Pentagon City (Mall exit) – follow marks to start!

Hares: Tik Tok It’s Dick o’Clock, #SquadHoles, Close Encounters of the Turk Kind, and friends!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B, and an urban pavement pounder with many tunnels of love. Just Bodhi-friendly. Should be a chilly night given the fact that it’s winter. Pack smartly and bring a cranium lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runner’s is approximately 4 miles (2.0 first half / 2.0 second half) and walkers is approximately 2.1 miles (0.9 first half / 1.2 second half).

Last trains out of Crystal City:
BLUE: Largo 11:17pm / Franconia Springfield 11:55pm

YELLOW: Greenbelt 11:05pm / Huntington 11:37pm

On After:

Freddie’s. You know damn well.

Specials: Drunk hare karaoke. See you there, love birds!

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EWH3 #1167: The Monopoly Trail – 6:45 PM Thursday, February 6th – Dupont Circle (Red Line)

Are you a Boardwalk boss? A Marvin Garden maverick? Do you have what it takes to earn the monocle and own it all?

Will you go directly to jail or take a trip to Reading Road?

85 years ago the Parker Brothers changed family fun night forever by releasing Monopoly. Cum out Thursday to celebrate all the fun nights and bitter fights this game has brought to our lives.

Bring your thimbles, money bags, and Scotties. If you’re lucky, you might land on a community chest!

(Hopefully there will be no water works on trail)

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday February 6, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where:  DuPont Circle – follow marks to start at the statue!

Hares: Mr. Holland’s Anus, Just Kirsten, Son What the Fuck?!,  They Blow Up So Fast, Rail Mary, and the Cocktease Falcon

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z, Scottie and wheelbarrow friendly. Pack smartly and bring a cranium lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runner’s is approximately 3.3 miles (1.7 / 1.6) and walkers is approximately half that.

Last trains out of McPherson Square:
BLUE: Large 11:32pm / Franconia Springfield 11:30

SILVER: Largo 11:19pm / Wiehle Reston 11:23pm

ORANGE: New Carrollton 11:18pm / Vienna Fairfax 11:40pm

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EWH3 #1166: 2nd Anal Groundhog (Birth)day Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, January 30rd – Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan (Red Line)

It’s that time of year when we grant the groundhog the power to predict the changing of our seasons. I, Mourning Wood, will lead us on a journey into the forest to find our Augur of Earrach.  We will need lights and shoes prepared for searching through the dirt.  And for those on a more civilized path, please remember that groundhogs prefer to be awoken by those in formal wear so top hats are encouraged to ensure we are not cursed with more winter.

So dawn your top hats, grab some fur on Gobbler’s Knob, and join the search for the Meteorologist Mamota monax.  Will we have an early spring?  Only a shadow can decide…

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday January 30, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan – Red Line

Hares: Mourning Wood, Deetz Nutz, Special Head Kid, and several Mystery Hares!

How Far: Runners’ trail is 4.75 miles (3.25/1.5). Walkers’ trail is 2.2 miles.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z. Trail is dog- and rodent-friendly. It’s still winter dress for temperatures around freezing. Layer up, bring your lamp, and bring your mug!  Runners will be split between pavement and woods, wear shoes that can get dirty (water possible).  Walkers will be safe from mud, dirt, and water.

Last trains out of Farragut West (Blue/Orange/Silver Line):

ORANGE: New Carrollton – 11:19pm / Vienna-Fairfax-GMU – 11:40pm

SILVER: Largo – 11:27pm / Wiehle-Reston East – 11:22pm

BLUE: Largo – 11:27pm / Franconia-Springfield – 11:29pm

Last trains out of Farragut North (Red Line): Glenmont – 11:19pm / Shady Grove – 11:25pm

On After:Recessions – 1823 L St NW


Specials:Karaoke is always special.

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EWH3 #1165: DO YOU WANT TO BUILD A SNOWMAN?? – 6:45 PM Thursday, January 23rd – Virginia Square (Orange/Silver Line)

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Arandelle, two sisters awoke to a dream come true: a snowscape worthy of celebration. The day is full of snowballs, sledding, and the introduction of a new pal: Olaf the snowman. Their fun comes to an end when an errant freeze ray renders Anna unconscious and on the brink of death, but she doesn’t remember: who dealt the near fatal blow?

This winter, Olaf is back with a vengeance. With a thirst for warm hugs, he won’t give up until his quest is complete. The kingdom is in danger. Will the sisters be able to defeat the impending freeze?

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday January 23, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Virginia Square Metro – Orange/Silver Line

Hares: Poon-Apple Juice, Mourning Wood, Atari 6900, #SquadHoles, Poon Tang Clan & possibly a Mystery Hare

How Far: Runners’ trail is 4.1 miles (2.7/1.4), with an Eagle split to add another .6 miles. Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance of runners’.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Trail is dog- and reindeer-friendly. It should be a frigid night. Dress warm, pack smartly, and bring your lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Ballston-MU (Orange/Silver Line):

Largo Town Center – 11:04pm / New Carrollton – 11:06pm

Vienna/Fairfax-GMU – 11:53pm / Wiehle-Reston East – 11:38pm

On After:First Down – 4213 Fairfax Dr


Specials:Domestic Pitchers $14.99

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EWH3 #1164: Waterworld, with Incumming MisManagement – 6:45 PM Thursday, January 16th – Shaw/Howard University (Green/Yellow)

Last week you kissed Outgoing MisMan goodbye with the trying trails of Mad Max Madness – this week, get wet with your new MM in Waterworld! Get ready to worship your drunken sailors of the Exxon Valdez, 

 find out your crush has gills, 

​
and drink mysterious yellow liquid.

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday January 16, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where:  Shaw/Howard University- Howard exit

Hares: Twater Boarding, Tacos On A Bridge, They Blow Up So Fast, Seizures Phallus, Jiggly Tits, Tick Tock it’s Dick O’Clock, and Close Encounters of the Turd Kind


Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z, dog friendly/no shiggy. Pack smartly and bring a cranium lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runner’s is approximately 4 miles (2.4 / 1.6) and walkers is approximately 2.2 miles (.9 / 1.3).

Last trains out of Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan Metro:
Glenmont          11:42 PMShady Grove     11:28 PM


On After:Town Tavern


Specials:You got hella wet on trail. That’s pretty special.

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EWH3 #1162: The Fury Road: I Hash, I Drink, I Hash Again Trail! – January 9, 2020 – Georgia Ave./Petworth Station (Green/Yellow)

Hash the Wasteland! You’re either a feral bloodbag…

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An Imperator gone rogue for a past that no longer exists…

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Or Warboys, driving the Road to Valhalla on SUCH A LOVELY DAY!

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Have some precious Aguacola and seek either the approval or destruction of Immortan Joe!

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WITNESS ME!

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Georgia Ave./Petworth Station – East/Northbound exit – follow marks to start!

Hares: Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer, Throbbin Hood, Son What the Fuck, Deetz Nutz, Stain Gretzy, Atari 6900, and a mystery hare!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Dog-friendly, and there’s no tunnels on the Fury Road! No PI unless you wander into The Green Place. It will be a LOVELY DAY! Pack smartly, bring a headlamp & mug, and Immortan Joe will carry you to Valhalla himself! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 2.4 miles first half and 1.6 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Georgia Ave.-Petworth:
Northbound Yellow: 11:27 PM
Northbound Green: 11:58 PM
Southbound Yellow: 11:15 PM
Southbound Green: 11:13 PM

On After: The Midlands Beer Garde
3333 Georgia Ave., Washington DC 20010

Specials: Throbbin thinks your mom is special.

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EWH3 #1161: The Fourth Running of the Snuggie Trail! – 6:45 PM Thursday, January 2nd – Gallery Place-Chinatown (Green/Yellow/Red Lines)

Welcome to the non-holiday side of winter. Find you blankets, snuggies, and onesies (which should be close at hand for AGM!) to help you deal with your holiday hangovers!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday January 2nd, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where:  Gallery Place – Chinatown (Green / Red / Yellow)

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Colliteral Damage; Split Her Bare; Honey Bunches of Cunt; Atari 6900

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B and a pavement pounder, although with great city sites. Dog friendly, but no shiggy unless you fall into a planter. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 2.15 miles first half and 1.85 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Union Station Metro:
Glenmont          11:42 PMShady Grove     11:28 PM

On After:
Hamilton’s Bar & Grill
233 2nd St. NW

Specials: Specials will be announced when the managers return from vacation.

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EWH3 #1160: The Merry Hashmas Trail, 6:45 December 26th, Greenbelt (Green Line)

On the first day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me
A Yuengling and a Naturday
On the second day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me
Two White Claws, and a Yuengling and a Naturday
On the third day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me,
Three Belgian beers, two White Claws, and a Yuengling and a Naturday
On the fourth day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me
Four orange foods, three Belgian beers, two White Claws, and Yuengling and a Naturday
On the fifth day of Hashmas, my kennel gave to me,
Five Golden Ales!
Four orange foods, three Belgian beers, two White Claws, and Yuengling and a Naturday.
On the sixth day of Hashmas… . oh you get the point.  There’s gonna be beer to drink.

The day we can hash that falls between Christmas and New Years is hereby dubbed by me (at least for this year) Hashmas.  Please join us in Greenbelt for the Hashmas run to Chateau le PSA.  Relatively short trail, and PSA has a hot tub (he is not your towel supplier though so if you want to get dry afterward, please bring a towel).

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where:  Greenbelt metro.  Follow marks to start.

Hares: Please Step Away from the Whores & Special Head Kid

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Some mild shiggy for runners, none for walkers.  Still dark out though, so bring a cranium lamp! Pack smart, have fun.

How Far
Runners 1st half: 1.8 miles
Runners 2nd half:  0.8 miles
Walker’s 1st half:  0.75 miles
Walker’s 2nd half:  0.3 miles

Last train out of Greenbelt to Branch Ave:  10:57 PM

On After: House of PSA (if you’re going there but not planning to run trail, email Hare Razor and he can give you the address.

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EWH3 #1159: The General Onesie Trail, 6:45 December 19th, Dupont Circle (Red Line)

Are you GENERALly excited for a good time?! Do you TSO love warm, cozy clothes + end circles? Well bundle up your DICKENs for this week’s trail. EWH3’s OnSec, General Tso’s Dicken is turning 30 this Thursday! She tells me she would love nothing more than to see everyone gallivanting about in their onesies. 

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: DuPont Circle Metro. Follow marks to start.

Hares: General Tso’s Dicken, Cheech and Dong, Colliteral Damage, Deetz Nuts, GeriatricMandering, Poon-apple Juice, Ready Player None, Schrödinger’s Cock, Son What the Fuck?!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Pavement pounder. It’s going to be frigid so dress appropriately. Bring a h*adlamp cranium lamp! 

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3.4 miles long (about 2 miles first half and 1.4 miles second half ). Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance. 

Last trains out of Woodley Park/AdMo/Zoo:
Glenmont: 11:26pm
Shady Grove: 11:44pm

On After:
Town Tavern
2323 18th Street NW

Specials: You’re all special! Kitchen open late! Tip your bartenders!

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