From Kennedy Space Center to Walt Disney World, Daytona 500 to the Ten Thousand Islands, Okeefenokee to Okeechobee, and Panama City Beach to South Beach, what caped crusader, high on bath salts, strikes without warning, his trusty sidekick alligator by his side? Florida Man, Florida Man, FLORIDA MAN! Let’s celebrate the colorful native of Florida (America’s wang) with a rousing romp just across the border into a state with nearly-as-bad drivers. Anyone else going to Florida for the InterAm cruise next week?

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: West Hyattsville – follow marks to start!

Hares: Pinocchi-Ho, Special Red, Split Her Bare, Quid Pro Blow, and Papal Smear

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. There will be light shiggy. Eagles will get wet. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp (it’s dark again people!) & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be less than five miles long. Walkers’ trail will be less than two and a half miles long. Florida Man doesn’t measure halves! But if you must know, the trail is more or less even halves, between 2-2.5 miles each.

Last trains out of West Hyattsville:
– Branch Avenue: 11:06pm
– Huntington: 11:08pm
– Greenbelt: 12:05am

On After:Lee’s Bar (feat. karaoke until 11pm!)

Specials: Karaoke!

Thank you for renewing your subscription to Cat FactsTM.

Cat Fact # 69: A female cat can be referred to as a molly or a queen, and a male cat is often labeled as a tom. Yasss queen! 

Cat Fact # 1063: The Cat Fanciers Association recognizes 44 breeds of cats.

Cat Fact #1146: A group of cats is called a clowder.

Data limit reached. You can receive more Cat Facts at this week’s trail! There may even be something special for the cats who show up early! 

Bonus: Here’s one of HareRazor’s favorite cat videos.

When:6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Union Station Metro. Follow marks to start. 

Hares: General Tso’s Kitten, (Lickin’) Deetz Nutz, Geriatric Meow-ndering, Tail Mary, Mew-mbo # Hives, Schrödinger’s Cat (maybe alive?)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Only “shiggy” is at beer check. Bring a h*adlamp and BUG SPRAY. 

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3.9 miles long (about 2.45 miles first half and 1.45 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance. 

Last trains out of Union Station:
Glenmont: 11:42pm
Shady Grove: 11:28pm

On After: Union Pub
201 Massachusetts Ave NE

Hamilton’s will be hella packed for the Packers game. But at Union Pub, you can partake in the glorious:

Specials: 

  • $13 Bud Light Pitchers
  • $4.50 rail drinks
  • $4.50 mystery beers
  • $5 stella drafts

Kitchen open ‘til midnight! Tip your bartenders! 

Do you consider yourself a witch? Does the thought of pumpkins make you want to run Amok Amok Amok Amok? Join the Boozy Whore-or Ladies as we stumble through Georgetown looking for sexy ghosts and booze!

When: September 19th. 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Foggy Bottom – follow marks to start!

Hares: GeriatricMandering; Son, What the Fuck?!; Split Her Bare; Quantum Whizics; Orange is the New Snatch; Starship In Her Thighs; Deathly Swallows; General Tso Dicken; Rail Mary

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Trail is dog-friendly, but not stroller or injury friendly. No PI, but lots of ghosts and booze. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.8 miles long (about 2.2 miles first half and 2.4 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Foggy Bottom:
Franconia-Springfield 11:34 PM
Largo Town Center 11:28 PM
Largo Town Center 11:15 PM
New Carrollton 11:17 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:42 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:27 PM

On After:
Georgetown Piano Bar
3287 M St NW

Specials: You’re so pretty! <wink>


Can you believe it’s been a DECADE of running around in non-clothing? No… no, you probably can’t. Memories don’t form correctly when under the influence of Twinkle Juice. There’s an anthem for that:

♫Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock♫
♫What the hell was in that shot?♫  
♫Chocolate Milk and Everclear♫ 
♫Should have stuck to drinking beer♫ 
♫Now I have to Twinkle Puke♫
♫Fuck your fucking Twinkle Juice♫ 

Join us for the happiest, drunkiest tradition now in its TENTH year, the Anything But Clothes Hash! You know the drill by now – show up wearing anything EXCEPT clothing – trash bags, cardboard boxes, strategically placed stuffed animals, or just lots of duct tape. Duct tape is your friend. In a pinch? Wear a toga or a pillowcase. Just don’t be the only one who shows up in clothes! As always, there will be a prize for best costume promised, and usually delivered if the Twinkle Juice hasn’t taken over by then.

Oh. And there will be Twinkle Juice, as a part of four shot checks. Just take off Friday now.

See you there in a hastily thrown together duct tape mess, or a condom dress you’ve been working on for two months. We don’t care as long as it’s not clothes!

-Twinkle and Friends

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 12th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Capitol South – follow marks to start!

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Hungry Hungry Homo, All Flash No Drive, Split Her Bare, Sphincter Shy and Wank Like An Egyptian

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. 0% Shiggy, dog friendly as long as it’s not wearing clothes. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly BRING A HEADLAMP & mug! Be smart, have fun. Consider taking Friday off.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles long (about 3 miles first half and 1 mile second half). Walkers’ trail is 2.5 miles long (1.25 first half and 1.25 second).

Last trains out of Capitol South Metro:
Blue Line Franconia-Springfield 11:19 PM
Silver Line Largo Town Center 11:30 PM
Blue Line Largo Town Center 11:45 PM
Orange Line New Carrollton 11:32 PM
Orange Line Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:25 PM
Silver Line Wiehle-Reston East 11:12 PM

On After:
Bullfeathers

Specials: Don’t worry about it. There will be ample Twinkle Juice outside.

Wow, ten years of Jorts Association of Arlington Trails.  That’s almost as long as your jorts should be short. Come on out in your favorite pair of jeans-cut-into-shorts, or jorts (everyone can tell if they’re just jean shorts- you’re not fooling anyone), and enjoy a Jorts trail through Arlington that ends exactly where you think it does, because there’s two parts to this theme trail: jorts and Freddies. 

When: 6:45 PM Thursday September 5th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City Metro (Blue/Yellow), exit to left, then THROUGH THE MALL to the parking lot and up the stairs. Follow marks to Joyce Street.

Hares: Roll Over, Bitch! You Can’t Handle the Poop! sKooter Kunte! Tragic Carpet Ride! EXCLAMATION MARKS!

Trail Length:
Runner’s 1st: 2.8 miles
Runner’s 2nd: 1.5 miles
Walker’s 1st  1.3 miles
Walkers 2nd: 1ish miles(ish)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B, jortswear encouraged, minimal shiggy and maybe even some A/C. Skies out thighs out. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Crystal City Metro:
Blue line to Franconia / Springfield: 11:55 PM
Blue line to Largo Town Center: 11:17 PM
Yellow Line to Greenbelt: 11:05 PM
Yellow Line to Huntington: 11:37 PM

On After: Freddies!

Specials: KARAOKE, please tip the VJ!!!

Welcome to the Graffiti Trail where we all run around DC with a sharpie and vandalize the clothing of our fellow hashers! So wear a white tee shirt that you don’t mind getting defiled, bring a sharpie of any color, and style on your friends with sick tags! You can write a funny phrase, draw a nice picture, draw a terrible picture, or do whatever else your drunken inner Banksy comes up with.

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Columbia Heights Metro, Northside, in the plaza – follow marks to start!

Hares: Mr. Holland’s Anus, Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me, What’s A Boner, and a mystery hare!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Zero shiggy. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.21miles long (about 2.08 miles first half and 2.13 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of U St. Metro:
Green Line Branch Ave 11:18 PM
Green Line Greenbelt 11:53 PM
Yellow Line Huntington 11:20 PM
Yellow Line Greenbelt 11:22 PM

On After:
Satellite Room
2047 9th St NW

Specials: Very special.

Think tropical thoughts as we tour the finest watering holes that Cleveland Park/Adams Morgan has to offer!

When: Thursday, August 22nd, 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Cleveland Park – follow marks to start!

Hares: Gunna Probably Spew, Heaven’s Gape, special guest appearance(s)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Walkers’ trail is everything friendly.  Runners’ trail isn’t particularly stroller or dog friendly. Runners’ feet might get a bit wet. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far:
Runners’ true trail is approx. 4.6 miles
Walkers’ true trail is approx. 2.6 miles

Last trains out:
Woodley Park/Zoo (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:26
Shady Grove 11:44

On After: Shenanigan’s Irish Pub

Specials: You’re all so special!

Tired of wearing both shorts AND a shirt on trail? Wish there was a better option? There is!  

 The Romper is truly the Swiss Army Knife of clothing. So join us at Mt. Vernon Square for our own mini romper convention. Don your romper, romphim, or romplette for a trail that will knock your blocks off

When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 15, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Mt. Vernon Square / 7th Street – Convention Center – Follow marks to start!

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, Mourning Wood, Schrodinger’s Cock, Colliteral Damage, Ready Player None

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z or A(if you join us at the On-After), but it’s downtown so there’s a metro stop every three blocks anyway. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly, bring your mug, and remember your romper. Be smart, have fun, pee before trail.

How far:Runners’ trail will be approximately 5.6 miles for Eagles (3.0/2.6) and 3.3 miles for Turkeys (2.0/1.3). Walkers’ trail is about 2.0 miles total.  

Last trains out of Farragut North (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:31 PM
Shady Grove 11:39 PM
Last trains out of Mt. Vernon Square (Green/Yellow Line):
Branch Ave 11:21 PM
Greenbelt 11:19 PM (Yl) / 11:50 PM (Gr) Huntington 11:23 PM

On After: Tall Boy 1239 9th St NW

Specials: $5 PBR, Narragansett, and Schlitz Tall Boys, Delish Grilled Cheese available all night, Orange food for sale

Another year older, none the wise. Cum join Schrödinger’s Cock as he attempts to thwart the gods of aging by dressing as another hasher’s name. Dress like a hare for a super special shot check opportunity! Like Nicholas Cage (or John Travolta? Still not sure..), it’s time for a face… off!

Need some inspiration? Check out some of last year’s guests of honor, including…

When: 6:48 PM Thursday 08/08/8819. Pack away at 7:18!

Where: Dupont Circle – Follow marks to the circle!

Hares: Schrödinger’s Cock, Poon-apple Juice, Son What the Fuck, Stain Gretzky, and Whoregon Trail!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B-ish. It should be a nice night for a face/off. Pack smartly, bring your mug, and Be smart, have fun, hunt down your doppelgänger.

How far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.1 miles (about 2.6 first half, 1.5 second half). Walkers’ trail is about half the distance of runners’.

Shiggy Level: 0.88

Last trains out of Farragut North (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:31 PM
Shady Grove 11:39 PM

Last trains out of Farragut West (Orange/Blue/Silver Line):
Franconia-Springfield 11:32 PM
Largo Town Center 11:30 PM
New Carrollton 11:19 PM
Vienna/Fairfax/GMU 11:40 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:25 PM

On After: Recessions Don’t lie. You know exactly where it is.

Specials: $1 off domestic drafts and Karaoke! Pretend to be someone who knows how to sing while dressed as the hash name of another person. This won’t get confusing at all.

Friday, August 2 is International Beer Day! Celebrate the eve of this sacred holiday by stumbling through the woods with people you thank Gispert are not your blood relatives, then gather ’round a religious adviser to tell heartwarming stories mock your fellow wankers in scatological detail.

Twas the night before Beermas, when all through the hash
The creatures were r*nning, and we even had cash;Shiggy socks were donned on legs dark and pale, All for the sake of drinking cheap ale;Brew crew was nestled all snug in Scrotal,While visions of Naturdays danced in their noodle.

When: Thursday, August 1, 6:45 PM circle up, pack away 7:15!

Where: Cleveland Park Metro – follow marks to start

Who: Beer Me Closer Tiny Dancer; Barley 6900; Son, Where’s My Beer; Goldman Ballstouts; Rosetta Brew; They Brew Up So Fast

Length:Runners: 1st half – 2.6m  2nd half – 1.3mWalkers: 1st half   – 1.8m 2nd half – .8m

Misc. Crap: Trail is A to B. There’s some shiggy, y’all. Bring a HEADlamp, BUG SPRAY, & mug. Walkers dog friendly. Not stroller friendly. 

Last trains out of Van Ness:
Red to Shady Grove: 11:48pmRed to Glenmont: 11:22pm

On AfterGUAPOS

Specials:  You’re all special.