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Do you love crop tops? Do you adore Philadelphia? Do you cherish portmanteaus? Do you yearn for bagged wine? Do you come to trail every week rain or shine and usually not bother to read this part of trail news? Does this feel like overbearing use of rhetorical questions? Do I care? Buckle up, kiddos, and hold onto your midriffs for Stain Gretzky’s third annual late-July pre-campout humidity death march! (Not actually a death march this year, I promise 🙂 ). We’ll have scissors on hand if you don’t own a crop top. Be prepared to make fabulous new friends from the City of Brotherly Love and show them how we do it in the District of Crop Tops.

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday July 26th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Dupont Circle. Go to the middle of the Circle and look for exposed midriffs.

Hares: Stain Gretzky, Slothy Seconds, Groundhog Lay, Donald Dick, Cheech & Dong, and Rail Mary

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4 miles; 2.0 first half and 2.0 second half. Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of runners’ trail.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Light shiggy, and you should bug spray your midriff. Shiggy will be significantly worse if it rains all week – you might want dry shoes. It should be a nice night but will likely be humid AF. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Farragut North:
Glenmont – 11:31 pm
Shady Grove – 11:39 pm

On After:
Recessions
1823 L Street NW

Specials:
$1 off beer & rail liquor.
Free hugs from Stain Gretzky!


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Get ready to strut your cut (off)! Come on out in your favorite pair of jeans-cut-into-shorts, or jorts (everyone can tell if they’re just jean shorts- you’re not fooling anyone), and enjoy a Jorts trail through Arlington that ends exactly where you think it does, because there’s two parts to this theme trail: jorts and Freddies. In summary: JORTS.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday July 19th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Pentagon City Metro (Blue/Yellow), exit to left and left again. Follow marks south to Highland Park.

Hares: Roll Over, Bitch! You Can’t Handle the Poop! Kooter Kunte! A mystery hare! EXCLAMATION MARKS!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B, jortswear encouraged, minimal shiggy and maybe even some A/C. Skies out thighs out. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Crystal City Metro:
Blue – 2317 N, 2355 S
Yellow – 2308 N, 2331 S

On After:
Freddies!
555 23rd Street
Arlington, VA 22202

Specials: KARAOKE, please tip the VJ!!!


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Now that you do not have a dozen Christmas parties a day, it’s not negative ten degrees, and you’re definitely done with sober January, the winter holidays babies want you to come out and celebrate!

When: 6:45pm Thursday, July 12, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Fort Totten (Red & Green lines) – follow marks to start

Hares: Cheech and Dong, GeriatricMandering, General Tso Dicken, A Midsemester’s Night Cream, and Tuck Tuck Deuce

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Shiggy will be on trail. Possibly PI. Friendly for dogs; not for strollers. Pack smart and bring a headlamp and a mug! It should be a nice warm night!

Last trains out of Brookland-CUA:
Glenmont: 11:49 PM
Shady Grove: 11:21 PM

On After:
San Antonio Bar & Grill
3908 12th St NE

Specials: According to the hostess: “there will be some type of beer and it will be really good.”


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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After a day of scaring the poop out of your pets with loud colorful explosions, and drinking your liver into submission, what better thing to do than to hit the trail and drink some more? Wearing all your fine Flag violation clothing that you didn’t wear yesterday of course. Come join EWH3 at Minnesota Avenue for a beer guzzling romp the day after Independence Day, and wear your most patriotically garish clothing. As American as beer and .. well, more beer!

When: 6:45pm Thursday, July 5, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Minnesota Ave Metro (Orange line) – follow marks to start (hint: not toward the Minnesota Ave side)

Hares: Special Head Kid, Pooples Mountain Majesty, Sargasm, What’s a Boner?, PSA, maybe a fantastical amazing mystery hare?

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Probably no PI, but you never know. Trail is dog and stroller friendly, but it will HOT so please leave the furry friends at home in the a/c. Pack smart and bring a mug, should be a nice HOT night!

Last trains out of Minnesota Ave:
To New Carrollton: 11:56 PM
To Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:15 PM

On After:
DC Eagle!
3701 Benning Road NE

Specials:
Maybe some drink specials.


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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WH4 will be invading EWH3! And we’re celebrating this occasion by commemorating John Cusack’s birthday! What better way to honor the day than to recognize one of his earliest box office flops that has evolved into a cult classic, Better Off Dead. What we’re going to do: Help Lane conquer the K12, rebuild his 69 Camaro, and serenade Monique with his saxophone; Save Monique from Ricky; See if Badger can pick up trashy women and build that cereal box spaceship; and get the Paper Boy his $2.00, plus tip.

There will be treasure on trail – the first 10 hashers wearing WH4 Hab will get their trail for $2.00!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 28th 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Cleveland Park Metro (East Exit) – follow marks to start behind California Tortilla!

Hares: Dwarfus Interruptus, Split Her Bare, Leaning Tower of Pleaseya, and Atari 6900

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z. There will be shiggy on both runners and walkers. You’ll get wet if you’re clumsy. Possibility of PI and briers. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Cleveland Park:
Glenmont: 11:24 PM
Shady Grove 11:46 PM

On After: Nanny O’Briens
3319 Connecticut Ave NW

Specials: 20% off your tab!


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Thursday is EWH3’s leg of the Tour duh Hash and is the solstice! Mark the momentous occasion with a magical and dreamy Midsummer romp as the fairies (your hares) guide you through the forests of upper Northwest! There will be magical potions that make you fall in love (beer!), songs, and merriment!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 21st, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Tenleytown Metro (Red Line) – follow marks to start in Tenley Circle!

Hares: Head Injury, Cheech & Dong, Please Step Away from the Whores, Quid Pro Blow, Vaginal Countdown, and Just Tamara.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Mostly urban shiggy, so minimal PI risk. Trail is dog-friendly, and walkers’ trail is stroller-friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Tenleytown:
www.wmata.com

On After:
Guapos!!
4515 Wisconsin Ave. NW

Specials:
Right now, we think you are special. That might change.


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Happy National Bourbon Day! Prepare your livers for a celebration of this liquor (liquor? I hardly know her!). Additionally it’s the kick off of the World Cup (Russia v. Saudi Arabia).

When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 14th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Stadium Armory, exit on stadium side – follow marks to start!

Hares: Vaginal Countdown, Split Her Bare, Pinocchi-ho, Son What the Fuck?!, GeriatricMandering, Head Injury

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Urban shiggy. Dog friendly. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Potomac Avenue:
BLUE: Franconia-Springfield, 11:15pm/Largo Town Center, 11:40
ORANGE New Carrollton, 11:50/Vienna Fairfaix-GMU 11:21
SILVER Wiehle Reston, 11:08pm

On After:
Trusty’s!
1420 Pennsylvania Ave. SE

Specials: You’re all special!


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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L-G-B-T L-O-V-E! It’s the big gay grand prix, led by the L.G.B.T.! Celebrate, cummemorate, and honor Pride Month with the most fabulous hashers around.

When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 7th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: DuPont Circle, follow marks to start in the center of the circle!

Hares: Homo On The Range, General Tso’s Dicken, Hercu-PLEASE, Poops I Did it Again, Just Tim

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Dog and stroller friendly, low-chance of PI pavement pounder. Pack smartly and bring your glitter, rainbow gear, headlamp & mug!

Last trains out of Foggy Bottom (Orange/Silver/Blue Lines):
Blue Line to Franconia-Springfield – 11:34PM
Silver/Blue Line to Largo Town Center – 11:21PM
Orange Line to New Carrollton – 11:14PM
Orange Line to Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:42PM
Silver Line to Wiehle-Reston East – 11:27PM

On After:
TBD


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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So, Monday was Memorial Day and you know what that means…

Pools are OPEN! Join in the biggest pool-free pool party this side of the Anacostia. Whether you prefer to BREASTstroke, Doggy (style) paddle, or just hang by the edge, cum dressed to get wet and wild.

We promise you’ll get your extra dollar’s worth of drinking. Be prepared for itsy-bitsy attire and a teeny-weeny trail (and also maybe some “teeny weenies” – sorry not sorry).

When: 6:45 PM Thursday May 31st, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Waterfront Metro – follow marks to start!

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, Special Head Kid, L’Chymen, Poops I Did It Again, Why Is The Cum Gone?

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Trail is dog-friendly, and so is on-after, but do you really want to smell a wet dog all night? It should be a nice summer night. Pack smartly and bring you water wings & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Navy Yard (Green Line):
Branch Ave 11:48 PM
Greenbelt 11:22 PM

On After:
Bardo Brewing
25 Potomac Ave SE

Specials: ALWAYS $7 Pints and $21 Pitchers


For general questions on hashing, email us questions at [email protected].

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Did you really enjoy dressing in that cat onesie or wizard robe? Think your toga or Halloween costume could use a new outing? Want to celebrate Christmas, St. Patrick’s Day, or other holiday? Choose your own theme this week by picking your favorite costume!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday May 24th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Rosslyn Metro (Dark Star Park) – follow marks to start!

Hares: GeriatricMandering, Head Injury, Colliteral Damage, Quid Pro Blow, and Happy Poo Year

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Shiggy light. Dog friendly. Not stroller friendly. It’s finally warm – buy some bug spray. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of:

Rosslyn:
Franconia-Springfield 11:47 PM
Largo Town Center 11:18 PM
New Carrollton 11:11 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:45 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:30 PM

Foggy Bottom – GWU
Franconia-Springfield 11:34 PM
Largo Town Center 11:21 PM
New Carrollton 11:14 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:42 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:27 PM

On After: Mr. Smith’s 3205 K St NW, Washington, DC 20007

Specials: $4 Stellas. Your singing voice for the piano bar.