When: Thursday, July 22, 2021 The Robin Sparkles Hash Trash #1247

Where: Smithsonian Metro (Orange/Blue/Silver) 

Visitors: All Abscess Pass

Virgins: None that I took note of

Hares: Mouthful of Clam, Ready Player None, and Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer

 

Did ya’ll see that scooter collision at the opening circle? Whew! For once, some calamity happened on trail that couldn’t be pinned on me! Lol! (All jokes aside- low key h/t to He*d Injury for having some bandages and alcohol wipes in his pack so we could rush over and help them!)

Ontari-oh..Oh! OH! My goodness wasn’t that trail superb though? Our very own Hare Razor, Mouthful of Clam restored some gosh darn great kindness and civility to the hash with this trail. It was just so gosh darn beautiful, eh? 

Letterkenny GIF by memecandy

Somewhat related to kindness and civility, we had to violate (or Cummend?) one of our long-time-no-seeer, Goldman Ballsack! He was accused of planting an ice cream truck on trail and literally creamed half the pack. 

Lickthiologist caught a whiff of Tiny Dancer’s drink at said ice truck stop and was like… does that have alcohol in it? No, we’re just accustomed to oranges and mangos coupled with rum… like mother truckin’ pavlov’s dogs or something… 

Drunk Happy Hour GIF by Kevin Hart's Laugh Out Loud

Speaking of furry animals on trail…The hares were called out for planting not  SINGLE beaver check! I wasn’t mad. Just disappointed. 

Knocked Up and Just Graciela were violated for discussions about a group discount… group discount to what? You waxer? J/k it was a marathon group. Eww. Yuck. Gross. 

Speaking of r*ceists…we nabbed Just Nick for r*cist attire on trail. I later found out he was just reppin for his school but whatevs. Looked pretty racey to me!

run running GIF

Our visiting San Diego hasher (All Abscess Pass) received a major cumendation for giving #SquadHoles a pep talk about married life… apparently you can buy wedding rings in packs now… you know… to go with your various outfits?  “But the ones that are like, *this big* (Gestures by making an ‘O’ ring with hands) … are NOT for your ring finger. Lol. Good times!

Aaaaaannnnnd with that, SKOOTER OUT!

Scooter Raccoon GIF

Back to your regularly scheduled program… THIS WEEK’S TRAIL! 

On-see you trash pandas soon-On,

s/Kooter Kunte

Trail: The Spice World Trail #1245

When: Thursday, July 8, 2021

Where: Columbia Heights Metro Area  

Visitors: N/a

Virgins: N/a

Hares: Poon Apple, Burlington Ho Factory, They Blow Up So Fast, Slurpy the Big Mouth Lass and General Tso’s Dicken

Whew! What a whirlwind of a week you guys! The busy bees  and beavers have been working tirelessly behind the scenes at Everyday is Wednesday to ensure your summer ROCKS in every sense of the word…and now, onto hash trash from last week! 

Cocktease Falcon was an early violation (or cumendation?) on trail for flashing us her poka dots… poke on poke, amiright? But she scampered off early before we could properly  all her into circle for her down down. 

Speaking of things we hope to poke, can I get the hares out here please? The hares are serving up some spice girl realness tonight and I would like to invite anyone and everyone channeling their best Sporty spice, baby spice, scary ginger or posh tonight…. Girl Power Social!!

yas queen GIF by Spice Girls

I am so glad our trail did not get shut down b4 it even began… violation or again, a cumendation to the hares for catching the eye of Washington’s finest while setting trail back in CoHi. “No we do not require a police escort to beer check but yes! You can call me later!” (Dibs on the one that looked like a compact Jason Momoa!)

This violation is for PSA… before trail, in effort to brighten everyone’s spirits before embarking on the night’s super soggy trail, I was saying maybe we should all dress up as Megan Thee Stallion’s back up dancers and really just lean into our inevitable WAP status… PSA replies, “who?!” When Gen Xers and Millennials collide, amiright?

Megan Thee Stallion Hair Flip GIF by Coach

I had to shout out my girl, Issues with Tissues because at one point, she was heard exclaiming on trail that she could not get any wetter during that slippery beer check if she tried. Gentlemen? Laaaaadies? Uh, challenge accepted! *wink*

But the real wet a** violation award has to go Cum Burgler and Gaybeline for rocking that slide at beer check in tandem and effectively supplemented my spank bank for the next week or two. Hey-yo!

Vincent Van Goh F*ck myself and Fingererer  were violated for that mighty spill they each took on trail…. 

Basement Boy Toy was violated for chivalry on trail. He offered to hold Whoregon Trail’s beer so she could also go play on the beer check slide. Teamwork makes the cream work, people. TEAMWORK!

Shining Schitts Creek GIF by CBC

Lastly…. did ya’ll hear there was a NAMING ON TRAIL?!?! Yes yes, our dear Just Nele finally earned her final stripes. Or something.

For reasons (not) outlined above… some very close runners up were The Great DANEal and Bicurious George… but! Throughout the world of hashing…except Great Falls, f*ck them! Just Nele shall be known as….Bundaslickher !

Celebrate Germany GIF by Jake Martella

On-Keep it Spicy-On,

sKooter Kunte

Trail: The Watergate Scandal and History Trail! 

When: Thursday, June 17, 2021

Where: Foggy Bottom Metro 

Visitors: Just Doug, Bear Fucker, and Sucka-Lotta-Cockus

Virgins: Just Brady

Hares: Bow Chicka Bow Bow, Papal Smear, Special Red

We had visitors! We had a VIRGIN! (Squee.) Nature is healing and the hash is kind of getting back to normal. Feels good! You know what else feels good? THE HARES. I found out last week that Bow’s name auto corrects in my phone as “Bow Chicka Now Now!” and I am here for it. They strolled us through the watergate hotel and along some of the seedier places and alleys associated with our fine city. Lest we forget! For every political hero… there are at least 11 dirtbags. With that, we called the hares in for their first violation.

son of a bitch berlin GIF by Team Coco

Bless Me Father for I have Rimmed was violated for pretending not to solve a tit check… she ran back…. She ran forth… she waggled that cute butt of hers and the pack sat and waited patiently. Until they didn’t.  Thanks for the strut, Rimmie! But we’ll stare at your booty regardless. *wink*

Turkey Twat was violated for falsely accusing the scribe of meeting her on Tinder after she inquired where she’d seen his face before. Honey! My tinder has been dormant FOR A MINUTE. But thank you. 

Just Haley was called out for being suuuuper late to beer check. Apparently some tourists demanded puppy pets… Just Bow and Just Wow were happy to oblige but she apparently doesn’t know that puppy piles are for after hours. Grrrrl. 

Hot Mess Yes GIF by Bounce

Speaking of animals on trail… holy MOOSE KNUCKLE batman. No, not that Moose Knuckle, (miss ya, bud!), the hot ass bulges we were treated to on trail! H/t to Poon Apple for supplying the rompers… Cumendation to Shetland Blow Me and AARPenis for being too hot to trot last week. 

The Hares were violated a few more times… it was Papal’s last trail with us for a while (Go visit him and run with Aloha H3- you won’t regret it.) and Bear Fucker and Just Doug’s identities were confused during end circle over an alcohol abuse accusation… Why were you pouring your beers out on the grass?? Don’t you know we have gotten buckets of rain lately? Oh, right, visitors… 

drunk the rock GIF by ALL SEEING EYES

Finally, some hashers were overheard being all whiney and complain-y towards the end of circle when violations were opened up to the crowd….and all Cum Burlger could really do was banish everyone to the on-after where more shenanigans may or may not have transpired. This scribe doesn’t sub and tell.

Bondage GIF by memecandy

On-Happy Pride Month-On,

s/Kooter Kunte