So, no one would volunteer to flash. I tried bribery, I tried threats, and then eventually, I tried to take photos.
(Pictured: Me, trying to juggle too many jobs in one night)
On – I told you this would happen – On
When: Thursday, May 19, 2022
Where: Gallery Place (Red/Green/Yellow)
Hares: Colliteral Damage, General Tso’s Dicken, Stain Gretzky, Mouthful of ClamVirgins: Just Christina
Visitors: Put It Black In Me
Schitt’s Creek is a heartwarming rags to riches story about a band of merry fellows who ascribe to the mantra of “dress for the life you want” and believe in the power of manifestation above all.
Haunted by a Blockbuster-sponsored past, the entire family unit is forced to move to a town almost as shitty as this trail. Along the way they learn about family, friendship, and feminism. This sneak peak into the lifestyles of the formerly-rich & the not-so-famous reminds us all to appreciate the things we have in life, like…
Our shoes: Special Red’s help him to be a smooth operator.
Our education: Bipolar Bear may not know what sound the letter “X” makes, but at least he also doesn’t know when to use one while laying trail.
Our beer: The Brew Crew kept us hydrated with a variety of ales, lagers, and everything in between.
The food on our plates: Close Encounters of the Turd Kind made sure we were all satisfied with his corny jokes.
Then, some things we’re less grateful for:
In true panda fashion, Tony Panda showed little interest in procreation.
Our beer bitch, Just Patrick, failed to provide a snail trail.
And a few in the pack wore wigs, showing that they had such little faith in our hares that they had to bring their own.
After wrapping up our circle sans-slugs, we were off to enjoy a cold Chinese food buffet and warm beer.
On – Ew – On
When: Thursday, April 28, 2022
Where: Stadium-Armory (Orange/Blue/Silver)
Hares: Maybe It’s Gaybelline, Mouthful of Clam, Boom! Goes the Vaginamite, Just Hannah
Virgins: Just Pete, Just Grant
Visitors/Long Time No See’ums: Vagina is for Lawyers, Cocko Bell Grande, Bulletproof Boobs, Tuneless, Lick James Bitch
Humpty Dumpty woke up on Thursday
Humpty Dumpty found a trail to lay
And all of the Kingsman hashers
And the Kingsman RA
Violated them badly
So they down-downed all day
London Bitches Going Down was searching for a bear to replace his honey.
Boom Goes the Vaginamite channeled his inner Amber Heard, backpedaling through most of walkers’ trail.
Special Red was caught gate keeping environmental activism.
Just Bodhi peed on a friend and #SquadHoles recounted the story in Pig Latin.
Screaming Pussy yelled out the wrong name.
We saw the longest naturally occurring Virgin Centipede known to DC.
And Special Red’s virgin gangbang was a rousing success.
It was a long night with no namees in sight, so we departed for Biergarten House, where your scribe dropped a chicken wing on her foot.
On – What a Saucy Trail – On