When: Thursday, September 26, 2019

Where:  Union Station Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  General Tso’s Kitten, (Lickin’) Deetz Nutz, Geriatric Meow-ndering, Tail Mary, Mew-mbo # Hives, Schrödinger’s Cat (maybe alive?)

Virgins:  none!

Visitor:  Mike Man from Seoul, Drop and Tug from Yerevan Armenia, Amerigo Vespoogie from Seattle

On-After:  Union Pub

Violations

  • Deep Anal Horizon was violated for becoming the alpha of a new feral cat colony by making his territory all over beer check.
  • Allegedy, Tragic Carpet Ride ran half a block on trail.  You’ve gotta be kitten me.
  • Cum Dumpling was violated because, just like a cat, he is so flexible he can lick his own butthole and, just like a cat, he made eye contact with anyone who dared challenge him while he decided to do this in the middle of a busy H St intersection.
  • Just Gautham looked around at beer check like this wasn’t the friggin’ cat trail and expressed surprise that somebody had “cleaned up” the dead mouse that was there the last time we used that beer check spot.
  • #SquadHoles was violated for freely calling himself a pig on trail.  I mean seriously, that man is a walking roast.
  • Special Red was exceptionally well prepared for trail tonight – with his running flip flops tied on with yarn he was prepared for a cat-toy related emergency at any moment.
  • And finally, a violation for the hares, because the only thing more terrifying, upsetting, and ill-planned than that trail was the trailer for the new Cats movie.

On – check meowt – on,

Stain Catzky

When: Thursday, September 12, 2019
Where: Capital South Metro (Blue/Orange)
Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Hungry Hungry Homo, All Flash No Drive, Split Her Bare, Sphincter Shy, and Wank Like An Egyptian
Virgins: Just Chris, Just Tintin, Just Mike, Just Tess, Just Kimberly
Visitors: Just Erin

I mean, yea… Recycling is pretty dope, but you know what the BETTER option is?

REUSE!

One man’s trash is another man’s attire. Just check out..

Mambo Number Hives, who didn’t need to remind us of how sweet she is.

Rosetta Bone, her own biggest fan

Goldman Ballsachs, who is proud of his new job at Monsters Inc. He knows that showing his cock is the best way to make little girls scream. Or was it giggle..?

Schrodinger’s Cock, advertising the fact that he doesn’t have a floppy disk.

Cum Locker, who forgot to send out her wedding invites. Although, that’s not the only reason no one came that night.

Violations (and Cummendations)

Just Erin really wanted to donate her pickle to Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer. Not the first time she’s heard that line. And definitely not the last.

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind was so jealous that we were able to get dates, he ditched all of his (calendars, that is).

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was cummended for re-routing trail to a safe space, complete with a beer check near a dumpster. Perfect for your repurposed ABC costume.

At this point in the evening, we were full of Twinkle Juice™ and bad intentions, so we took the next logical step toward a very solemn occasion…

THE NAMING OF JUST KAREN

Just Karen would like to see your manager. A lawyer and immigration advocate from Fordham, she made herself cum with foreign influence, but not before being detained while naked in Panama City. Just Karen had her most mind-blowing orgasm with the main character from Magic Mike, despite his awkward boner. She tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.. unless you’re her boss. This Twitter Troll “doesn’t do the porn thing much,” however she takes Alice In Wonderland erotica recs from Trump himself. No longer dressed as a dead hooker, Just Karen treated us to a bedtime story of sorts: Once upon a time, she fucked her best friend’s boyfriend’s twin… over. By spilling his beans (and maybe flicking hers?). Despite her affinity for letting dogs in her mouth, it was ultimately her embarrassment surrounding her lesbian desires that led to name her…

After a lot of confusion, the pack gathered at an On-After. I didn’t make it because I’d been Twinkled and used all my money making a dress. I’m sure it was just dandy.

On – Dolla Dolla Bill Y’all – On
Poon-apple Juice

When: Thursday, September 5, 2019

Where:  Pentagon City Metro (Blue / Yellow Line)

Hares:  Roll Over, Bitch; You Can’t Handle the Poop; sKooter Kunte; Tragic Carpet Ride

Virgins:  Just Erin

Visitor:  Just John from Springfield, Just Liz from Eugene OR, Just Suzanne from who cares, and Semen For Vegan from Boulder

On-After:  not Freddie’s

Violations

  • ROB and You Can’t Handle The Poop! were violated because they’re clearly getting more sartorially conservative in their old age.  These hares weren’t wearing jorts. Those hemlines were so low it was more like… japris or j-clamdiggers.
  • Tragic Carpet Ride was violated for wearing a pair of daisy dukes that literally stopped traffic… because he walked the entire pack into oncoming traffic.
  • Tony Panda accidentally snitched himself for autohashing when he said that he knew walkers’ trail was 3 miles cause that’s what the odometer said.
  • The Virginator was violated because after the 5 cups of coffee he had that day I decided to just let him come into circle instead of continuing to shout over every single thing I was saying.
  • And finally, a violation to beer bitch Just Perry because that sweet summer child had the naivety to ask me and Poon-apple Juice if we get permits to run circles.

No naming!  Byeeeeeee

On – feeling my Canadian tuxedo fantasy – on,

Stain Gretzky