EWH3 #1108 The Groundhog (Birth)day trail

When: 1/31

Where:  Dupont Circle, Red

Hares:  Mourning wood, quid pro blow, heaven’s gape, colliteral damage, Throbbin hood

Virgins:  Just Nobody, or I didn’t hear them

Visitors:  Cum in my brum

On-After:  Froggy Bottom, which was 20% better than everywhere else, they told us so right on the tab

It was a night of extra layers and fast circles. Which also means short trash. It’s definitely not because I’m bad at these… Nope. Not at all. We moved quickly from Dupont to Georgetown because we were all as frozen

Violations

Cum in my brum for taking 2 torches to the face and we all know that’s slang for blowing a fire crotch

Just Emily because she got taken by her feels for Pterodactyl porn

Chaffed and confused for his obsession with Obama drone dildo strikes

Tuck tuck deuce for back seat driving walkers trail… he needs to take someones back seat in his back seat

Cumburglur for thinking end circle should have summer foliage year round… we don’t live in California Bro-dy

And finally we should all be commended for getting in and out of that circle before our toes fell off!

On – BRRRRRR – on,

#SquadHoles

When: Thursday, February 7, 2019

Where:  Shaw / Howard Metro (Green / Yellow Line)

Hares:  Atari 6900; Schrodinger’s Cock; The Cock Whisperer; Dude, That Guy; General Tso’s Dicken; Colliteral Damage

Virgins:  None, ya filthy sluts

Visitor:  A big ole sausage fest + a wayward Pudjam harriette:

  • Whore With No Name, from Arkansas
  • Born On Your Anus (B.O.Y. Anus), from Wichita Kansas
  • Just Josh, from Fort Lauderdale
  • Mighty Waters, from BAH3, but admittedly an edub virgin…. ok fine

On-After:  Satellite Room (note to self, how am I just realizing now that as shitty as this trail was even the ON-AFTER was on theme… damn)

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that the night’s festivities began with a moment of silence to honor two hashers we lost this week: Wreath Around most recently of Chicago, an institution in the DC hashing community for many years, and Ghetto Inferno of Lehigh Valley, a friend to many in DC.  On-up to the big on-after in the sky, y’all.

(Btw, guys, holy fuck I did a thing in HTML to make this embedded GIF centered… GREAT GOOGLY MOOGLY I learned something in college!)

Now onto the mothership.  Violations:

  • It’s two weeks since my last Scribe appearance, and here I am in circle again.  I look around, here’s Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer as GM again.  I look to my left, here’s Poon-apple Juice as RA again.  I look to my right, here’s Atari 6900 as the alpha hare on a shitty trail where everyone got lost again.  So I have to ask myself… didn’t anybody tell you idiots Ground Hog Day was last week??
  • You Can’t Handle The Poop was on trail getting everyone guessing distances like he was running a carnival booth trying to figure out how far away that elementary school was… he had to make sure it was at least 500 feet.
  • Speaking of being problematic, thank god Maybe It’s Gaybelline got separated from us in Meridian Hill Park so we were only like third creepiest group there.
  • Shout out to the pack for nearly picking up Noodles the Dog as trail treasure.  He serves as a good reminder that the theme for WIE is Anything but Human.  Rego today, ya animals!
  • Poops, I Did It Again! And Sister Of A Downs were commended for nearly getting picked up as reverse trail treasure by a suspiciously curious and well-dressed older muggle during beer check.
  • On the other hand, Mambo # Hives was overhead comparing trail to her last hookup: it wasn’t the best laid, but it got the job done.
  • Speaking of sex, Schrodinger’s Cock tried real hard to get me to drink the rest of his beer at beer check so he could go “lay trail.”  I was like, oh sweetie, if I wanted you to pawn your backwashed sloppy seconds off on me I’d just go looking for Poon-apple Juice.  (Just kidding, I definitely drank that beer.)

And, boy oh boy the action doesn’t stop there – we had my first naming back as Scribe, and we sure had a good one!  While #SquadHoles was busy burning down a Chick-fil-a in Miami, we were graced with the presence of our very own real-life Florida Man.

Meet Just Josh, he used to live in DC, but now he’s busy being a low-key real estate mogul in Fort Lauderdale, ostensibly because the weather in DC isn’t nice.  (No shit, Sherlock!)  He was dressed in a full adidas track suit, looked like the bad guy from Karate Kid 2, and was remarkably cagey about his sexploits.  We did finally drag it out of him that he’s into skiing and… water sports.  Despite his love of EDM, audiobooks, JavaScript, the original recipe of Four Loko, and revenge pooping, we just couldn’t let the pee thing go.  He literally left in the middle of his own naming to pee.  And ya definitely don’t move to Florida unless you like Disney World.  So henceforth, and forevermore throughout the world of hashing, Just Josh will be known as When You Piss Upon A Star.

On – it was a good night to see Uranus – on,

Stain Gretzky

When: Thursday, January 24, 2019

Where:  Pentagon City Metro (Yellow & Blue Line)

Hares:  Atari 6900; Roll Over, Bitch!; Rosetta Bone; Trickle Down Sexonomics; Goldman Ballsachs and … no one as sweeper? (more on this later)

Virgins:  Just Jackie, Just Brian, Just Monica, Just Gian

Visitor:  I Make Cops Cum (Las Vegas, but now Sioux Falls South Dakota!)

Long time no see ’em: A classically drunk and belligerent Cum Brew Lay, from Africa!

On-After:  Freddie’s Beach Bar

Violations, in song form!

SchroCo was overhead saying that he can’t get the taste of “it” out of his mouth and that he was drinking to forget.  I agree, drinking is probably the only way you’re going to be able to forget that no one cares about what you think now that you’re not GM anymore.

Special Head Kid remarked that he prefers cold and dry over warm and wet.  Thanks to all those icy mud puddles on trail, my feet can now provide you a little of each.

This trail was fun, it felt like being back in high school with a group of friends, all working on a project together.  But it’s clear that the hares’ favorite class was choir… cuz it definitely wasn’t cartography.

Speaking of the hares, I have to say these wankers really fell down on the job… how are you going to have a song themed trail and a really dang famous song about sweeping and *still* manage not to have a sweeper on trail?

So the whole point of this trail was an excuse for the pack to go sing songs at Freddie’s for karaoke.  But if you’ve heard Atari 6900 on stage you know it’s more like kara-OH NO.

Blissfully for this frozen Scribe’s digits, there was no naming.  Everybody fucked off to the bar immediately and I went home to pet my demon spawn.

On – HOW DO…. GIF?! – on,

Stain Gretzky