When: January 22, 2026 Start: Georgia Ave/Petworth End: Just Tommy’s yard Hares: Just Tommy, Cuntry Fried Seaman, Tragic Carpet Ride
Ever wondered what those little green bags littered around DC are actually for? This trail answered that question in the least sanitary way possible. The hares led us on a journey filled with flour, confusion, and decisions that will haunt park maintenance crews for years to come. We properly deflowered Just Mike and Just John, snatching their hashing virginity while the Fellowship of the Cockring joined all the way from Boston to watch. We even had a rare sighting of Vincent Van Gogh Fuck Myself, back from Pittsburgh to remind us that you can leave the hash, but the hash—and the shame—never leaves you.
Shitty Violations
The hares: For tempting us with little goodie baggies full of product, when it turns out the product was just their own crap trail.
General’s Farm Animal and Bearfucker for shit stuff: GFA for getting way too excited about an incoming snow dump and the suffering it would cause and Bearfucker for confidently predicting the entire East Coast would get dumped on.
Tragic Carpet Ride: For not understanding the alphabet. DC streets are alphabetical. We needed Upshur. He gave us Varnum. Also: mismanagement. If you want a shit show, let Tragic hare.
Dick Violations
General’s Farm Animal: For attempting to hide the beer check from runners so he could hoard all the beer, claiming it was a “bad trail.”
For bragging about their wood: Tony Panda, General’s Farm Animal, and Taking the D for a B: –Tony Panda for going on about the root nubs at beer check. -GFA for bragging about his time handling woodworking at the arboretum in Boston. -Taking the D for a B for talking about how much he enjoys hardwood flooring.
Cum Dumpling: While wankers were talking about architecture, Cum Dumpling enjoyed it so much he started masturbating on a window.
Tony Panda: For being spotted readjusting his “Tiny Panda” at beer check.
All the Other Dumb Shit People Did
Fellowship of the Cockring & the FRBs: Fellowship arrived at the beer check with a bunch of partially drunken miniatures because the FRBs “couldn’t finish things off for him,” but also Fellowship, because he couldn’t handle all the moisture and needed an assist.
Everyone who left trash at Just Tommy’s house last time we ended trail there: Don’t be dicks—clean up your shit (especially for this hare who just got married today!).
Vagina Is for Lawyers, Ready Player None, and Just Mia: For confidently walking the wrong direction on walkers trail. VagLaw doesn’t know how to stop leading, and the rest of you don’t know how to stop being lemmings and following him.
These Are the Tits You’re Looking For: For bragging about her new cash spreadsheet and just generally being a freak in the sheets. And for telling me (Lick) I’m on her to-do list.
Tragic Carpet Ride (Again): For pissing on trail in front of a church. Growth noted: no vomiting this time.
Everyone who hasn’t hared or signed up to hare yet in 2026: Get your name on the hare line. Stop being pretty but useless.
On-On,
Lickthyologist
https://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.png00Scribehttps://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.pngScribe2026-01-23 14:54:502026-05-04 14:56:34EWH3 Trash #1502: THE SHIT SHOW TRAIL
After 12 months of gestation, and a VERY HARD labor, we have begrudgingly birthed a new Everyday is Wednesday Hash House Harriers Mismanagement. Watch out for the afterbirth, it’s sticky.
General Mismangers
Tumey McBoatface — Big entrance, questionable directions
Ha-Cum-On My Tatas — Flirtatious energy, zero subtlety
Hash Cash
These Are The Tits You’re Looking For — Keeps the coffers “well-endowed”
Ms. Nuttersworth — Hard of hearing, soft of cookies
Haberdasher
Whoriana Trench — Screen printer or finger painter?
Oreho
Suck, Squeeze, Bang, Blow — Hopefully buys better snacks than the one in his pants
Jubilee
Pussy Has Defects — Enthusiastically imperfect arts and crafts (cuck)quean
Religious Advisor
Deepthroat Corndog — Small package, loud voice, questionable metaphors
Bitches Give Stitches — Patchwork discipline and sass to match his ass
Whoreganizer
Vagitarian — Organizes with undeserved confidence
On-Sec
Lorena Hobbit — Dismembered tenacious book cooker
Brewmistress
Shamrock Your Cock — Brews that will knock your smelly socks off
Harerazor
Close Encounters of the Turd Kind — Trail wizard with an odd sense of timing
Hash Flash
Ready Player None — The only shots he’s making are money shots (; (;
Ms. Nuttersworth — Who is surprised you came on the list twice?
Scribe
Lickthyologist — Takes notes with unenthusiastic curiosity
Cuntry Fried Seaman — Cocksure storyteller with salty “charm”
Porn Guru
Just Alex — He doesn’t even go here. Fuck him.
Welcum, you gloriously incompetent lot. We expect misdirection, mayhem, and at least three misplaced beer checks. Don’t fuck it up or we’ll all make fun of you.
Hares: Ginger Snatch, Havana Lewinsky, Special Red
EWH3 always has the honor of kicking off another amazing DC Red Dress Run weekend! We always love a three way, with us offering 3 ways to get you wet. Ballbuster, r*nners or walkers. Everyone got properly lubed to make it through the rest of the weekend.
Violations
Trail started off with the possibility of some Morman’s trying to save our souls it must have been because they knew Latter Day Skank was brew crew.
Ass Spelunker had high ambitions for this trail. He was going to r*n ball buster, and then he downgraded to r*nners trail, and then said you know what I think I’ll do walkers and then finally just decided to ride along in PSA’s van. Why you ask? Because he got high, because he got high, because he got high.
Cuntry Fried Seaman executed a sneak attack on Lickthyologist trying to be funny by tapping her on the shoulder which instead sent her spiraling into an abyss and rolling her ankle… however it worked out well for the rest of us DFLs to get a short cut from the sweeper hare directly to end circle.
Runners for spontaneously developing color blindness and no-noing walkers trail.
Cuntry Fried Seaman apparently wants to be a giraffe so he can just reach up and eat leaves on the run…. Which he then proceeds to just snag a bit from a nearby low hanging branch and eat it.
All the FRB ball busters violated the fishhooks.
Naughtya Cum and Eat Me now has a bowl of Slim Jim’s out in her house for guests and she blames the hash…. She is addicted to Slim Jim’s and other long slims meats.
It now makes sense that this is Oh Hey Not Gay’s first Red Dress run…. So much so he felt the need to text Roose Rips in the middle of the night while she was on vacation in Italy and Germany to ask her what size dress would fit him? I think we hit the nail on the head.
EWH3 Trash #1502: THE SHIT SHOW TRAIL
When: January 22, 2026
Start: Georgia Ave/Petworth
End: Just Tommy’s yard
Hares: Just Tommy, Cuntry Fried Seaman, Tragic Carpet Ride
Ever wondered what those little green bags littered around DC are actually for? This trail answered that question in the least sanitary way possible. The hares led us on a journey filled with flour, confusion, and decisions that will haunt park maintenance crews for years to come. We properly deflowered Just Mike and Just John, snatching their hashing virginity while the Fellowship of the Cockring joined all the way from Boston to watch. We even had a rare sighting of Vincent Van Gogh Fuck Myself, back from Pittsburgh to remind us that you can leave the hash, but the hash—and the shame—never leaves you.
Shitty Violations
The hares: For tempting us with little goodie baggies full of product, when it turns out the product was just their own crap trail.
General’s Farm Animal and Bearfucker for shit stuff: GFA for getting way too excited about an incoming snow dump and the suffering it would cause and Bearfucker for confidently predicting the entire East Coast would get dumped on.
Tragic Carpet Ride: For not understanding the alphabet. DC streets are alphabetical. We needed Upshur. He gave us Varnum. Also: mismanagement. If you want a shit show, let Tragic hare.
Dick Violations
General’s Farm Animal: For attempting to hide the beer check from runners so he could hoard all the beer, claiming it was a “bad trail.”
For bragging about their wood: Tony Panda, General’s Farm Animal, and Taking the D for a B:
–Tony Panda for going on about the root nubs at beer check.
-GFA for bragging about his time handling woodworking at the arboretum in Boston.
-Taking the D for a B for talking about how much he enjoys hardwood flooring.
Cum Dumpling: While wankers were talking about architecture, Cum Dumpling enjoyed it so much he started masturbating on a window.
Tony Panda: For being spotted readjusting his “Tiny Panda” at beer check.
All the Other Dumb Shit People Did
Fellowship of the Cockring & the FRBs: Fellowship arrived at the beer check with a bunch of partially drunken miniatures because the FRBs “couldn’t finish things off for him,” but also Fellowship, because he couldn’t handle all the moisture and needed an assist.
Everyone who left trash at Just Tommy’s house last time we ended trail there: Don’t be dicks—clean up your shit (especially for this hare who just got married today!).
Vagina Is for Lawyers, Ready Player None, and Just Mia: For confidently walking the wrong direction on walkers trail. VagLaw doesn’t know how to stop leading, and the rest of you don’t know how to stop being lemmings and following him.
These Are the Tits You’re Looking For: For bragging about her new cash spreadsheet and just generally being a freak in the sheets. And for telling me (Lick) I’m on her to-do list.
Tragic Carpet Ride (Again): For pissing on trail in front of a church. Growth noted: no vomiting this time.
Everyone who hasn’t hared or signed up to hare yet in 2026: Get your name on the hare line. Stop being pretty but useless.
On-On,
Lickthyologist
EWH3 Trash – AGM/Trail #1500
Announcement: A New Mismanagement Is Born!
Date & Time: January 10, 2025 at 10:69 PM
Weight: 420 oz
Length: 69 in
After 12 months of gestation, and a VERY HARD labor, we have begrudgingly birthed a new Everyday is Wednesday Hash House Harriers Mismanagement. Watch out for the afterbirth, it’s sticky.
General Mismangers
Hash Cash
Haberdasher
Oreho
Jubilee
Religious Advisor
Whoreganizer
On-Sec
Brewmistress
Harerazor
Hash Flash
Scribe
Porn Guru
Welcum, you gloriously incompetent lot. We expect misdirection, mayhem, and at least three misplaced beer checks. Don’t fuck it up or we’ll all make fun of you.
EWH3 Trash DC RDR Pre-Lube
When: 6:45 PM Thursday, October 9, 2025
Started: Eastern Market Metro Station
Ended: Potomac Ave Metro / Trusty’s
Hares: Ginger Snatch, Havana Lewinsky, Special Red
EWH3 always has the honor of kicking off another amazing DC Red Dress Run weekend! We always love a three way, with us offering 3 ways to get you wet. Ballbuster, r*nners or walkers. Everyone got properly lubed to make it through the rest of the weekend.
Violations
Check Out Our Hash Flash Photos Here!!!