When: Thursday, April 18, 2019

Where:  Foggy Bottom Metro (Blue / Orange / Silver Line)

Hares:  Deathly Swallows, Fist Pump, Colliteral Damage, Head Injury, Cheech & Dong, General Tso’s Dicken, and You Sucked My Battledick

Virgins:  Just Marissa

Visitor:  none!

On-After:  Recessions, you know why

Violations

  • Firstly, a commendation to our Brew Crew, Throbbin Hood and Cum Peg Me, for recruiting underage Mormon missionaries to the hash before trail even got started by wearing nice little polka dot dresses and showing off their foggy bottoms in the middle of a college campus.
  • Shot check hares You Sucked My Battledick and General Tso’s Dicken celebrated their trail marriage with the breaking of a glass…bottle of Evan Williams.  Battledick rushed off to the liquor store nearby and saved the day before the runners came.  I sure wish that *my* significant other knew he should go to the liquor store before I come!
  • Birthday bitch Deathly Swallows and fellow hare Colliteral Damage were clocked in their delightful polka dot aprons.  You know what they say, dots in the front, slots in the back.  That definitely made my dough rise.
  • I think the hares got a little confused and thought that this trail was actually the Boozy Horror Brunch Trail we had back in October… we got lost in the dark, there was broken glass everywhere, and we encountered a playground with no kids on it… just Sphincter Shy, shirtless.
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce was overheard complaining about trail, per usual, presumably because someone other than him was getting attention for getting older.
  • SchroCo wanted people to closely observe his infectious looking spread of chest polka dots – watch out unless you want to catch the pox!  The anti-vaxxers might be concerned, but frankly, I’d be lucky if measles was the worst thing I caught from fucking him.

No naming, just a very happy birthday to Deathly Swallows!

On – Naturdays are the new Everyday – on,

Stain Gretzky

When: 3/28

Where:  U St, Green/Yellow Line

Hares: Dial F, Roll Over Bitch, Scooter Cunte, Wank Like an Egyptian and possibly a mystery hare

Virgins: Just Karen, Just Nube, Just Melanie, Just Bridget, and Just Austin

Visitors: Coco from Beijing

Violations!
PSA waited so long to give The Cumburglur his nacklace that he had to make it himself

Knocked Up, during Prelewb gave the bartender an option of $50, or a handful of coins, $50 was taken

The Hares, for using blue chalk at night, because even in a PC world, colors matter

Captain Crash and Atari 6900 for being Ragnar racist, we get it, you like being in creeper vans together

Just Melanie was begging for beer, beer was received!

Wank arrived on a scooter because we all know they want to ride Scooter Cunte
Speaking of…

Scooter cunte, Heaven’s Gape and Deetz for the shittiest sweeping I’ve seen since a swifter was invented

Just Nube for making trail harder by doing parkor on everything possible


Infidelatio told Cum Dumpling not to kick the dog, and that PETA lover of course kicked the dog (by accident, please don’t sue us PETA)

Everyone who thought they solved a check on the first half…. the pack couldn’t tell… please use your outside voice

Cumlocker has been a no-see-em for so long she forgot that trail starts near metro stops, oh how the mighty have fallen

The Cumburglur and the circle called his mom and sang her Happy Birthday… not hashy birthday!

On – Happy Mama Cumby BDay – On

#Squadholes

EWH3 #1121 The Highfive trail

When: 4/11

Where:  Eastern Market, Orange/Blue/Silver

Hares:  Mr Holland’s Anus, Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me, Rail Mary, Maybe It’s Gaybelline, and a Mystery Hare

Virgins: None, go invite your friends!

Visitors:  Just Linda Homeless, Fuck a bye baby from Ithica, Just Limel Homeless, and Cums on Vacation from Senegal

On-After:  The Brig

It was a night of high fives, hairy palm Sunday jokes and extra long circles which are clearly Poon Apple Juice‘s favorite things. The beer was great as we still work through our WIE leftovers and the Naturdays still go down so sweet!

Violations!

Yachty McYachtface had a foamy beer at beer check and immediately began sucking…. but not because I told her to. Honey, we don’t care why, we are just glad that’s your reaction.

A commendation for Just Limel for singing us all the best visitor song we’ve had in a while.

Heaven’s Gape bragged a bunch for being first to beer check even though he clearly wasn’t… If you ain’t first, you’re last!

Lil Yachty returned to us for wearing a DCfray shirt… you need more friends than us?

Basement Boy Toy no longer has brand new shoes thanks to the contributions from our circle

Maybe It’s Gaybelline has no BDE or confidence in himself because he only buys condoms in a 3-pack… economics be damned!

Speaking of condoms, Quid Pro Blow has been using USAID condoms from his Uganda trip that are apparently 3mm larger than Magnums. No need to brag man!

For real the circle went fooooooorever, but everyone was having a blast!

And finally we should all be commended for getting to the Brig while they still had tables reserved (ooohhh bougie) and the Caps game on!

On- gimmie 5 – ON

#Squadholes