When: Thursday, February 24, 2022
Where: Mt. Vernon Square/Convention Center (Green/Yellow)
Visitors: None
Virgins: Just Alex, Just Armand, Just Liz
Hares: Poon-apple Juice, Close Encounters of the Turd Kind, 9021-ho, Cocktease Falcon

Throughout history, there have been many great pairs…

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Mary Cate and Ashley Olsen

Bonnie and Clyde

Mario and Luigi

Rocky and Bullwinkle

Ren and Stimpy

Penn and Teller

Bert and Ernie

None of them were at this trail, though.

Neither was Scrotal’s back passenger wheel…

After two rounds of Jubilee, having done two shots of Fireball in my tutu, we moved onto our two rounds of…


As the only Gen X-er in circle, George StuffedAnOctopus was in need of friends. You know that one is indeed the loneliest number.

What’s a Boner did not teach his virgin anything so she had to learn it all online. We all know how damaging that can be, especially Ready Player None.

Just Armand self-named himself and Bearfucker brought the Jackhammers.

And then there was General’s Farm Animal

At start, this intrepid hasher was mistaken for a kangaroo, as Just Alex stuck his hand right into that front pouch. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much for that thirsty virgin to find.

When later asked to help sing a song, GFA requested time for some “at home experience,: leading us to believe he mistakenly thought he had been offered a nudie magazine.

When GFA finally did grace our ears with his song, his professionalism was called into question. However, he should be commended for picking up a new hobby in retirement – Tibetan throat singing is all the range in the homes these days. #throatGOAT

We have to acknowledge his caretakers this evening,

Slappy for helping him dress,

Just Shannon for toileting support,

And George StuffedAnOctopus for walking him out to yell at the clouds.

The temperature had dropped below 22 so we two-stepped it over to Tall Boy, for, well.. tall boys.

Oh, and beers too, I guess..

On – 2Drunk2Text – On
Poon-apple Juice

When: Saturday, February 20, 2022
Where: Silver Spring Metro (Red)
Visitors: It’s Maryland, we’re all visitors here…
Virgins: None
Hares: Ginger Snatch, Atari 6900, Glue Factory Gum Job

Picture, if you will, a young Poon-Apple Juice. The year is 1999 and this chipper 8 year old has returned from a grueling day of third grade. Capri Sun in one hand, TV guide magazine in the other, she flips to today’s page and lets out a wistful sigh as she checks the schedule for her favorite channel.

4:00 EST
Featuring special guest The Virginator. Dressed to impress, his suit brings comic relief to this cartoon variety show. This is somehow not the weirdest thing to happen.

4:30 EST
Angry Beavers
Ass Spelunker’s proclivity for non-sighted procreation leads to Late Night Driver Thru’s beaver becoming particularly incensed.

5:00 EST
The youngest in the bunch, Burlington Ho Factory must fight the urge to drink from a bottle.

5:30 EST
Are You Afraid of the Dark? – “Oh, thank God we have Coors Lite!” With guest star Cum Dumpling

6:00 EST

Blues Clues
Turkey Twat is missing! Can Steve follow the Prince to find him in time for AGM??

6:30 EST


Any Cock’ll Do Me grapples with his new reality as he learns to control the transition from boy to tiger – and back.

7:00 EST

Knocked Up hosts Nick at Nite.

Content with the selection, Poon-apple flops onto the couch and tunes in. Another night closer to Y2K, but without a care in the world.

On – – On

Poon-apple Juice

When: Thursday, July 22, 2021 The Robin Sparkles Hash Trash #1247

Where: Smithsonian Metro (Orange/Blue/Silver) 

Visitors: All Abscess Pass

Virgins: None that I took note of

Hares: Mouthful of Clam, Ready Player None, and Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer


Did ya’ll see that scooter collision at the opening circle? Whew! For once, some calamity happened on trail that couldn’t be pinned on me! Lol! (All jokes aside- low key h/t to He*d Injury for having some bandages and alcohol wipes in his pack so we could rush over and help them!)

Ontari-oh..Oh! OH! My goodness wasn’t that trail superb though? Our very own Hare Razor, Mouthful of Clam restored some gosh darn great kindness and civility to the hash with this trail. It was just so gosh darn beautiful, eh? 

Letterkenny GIF by memecandy

Somewhat related to kindness and civility, we had to violate (or Cummend?) one of our long-time-no-seeer, Goldman Ballsack! He was accused of planting an ice cream truck on trail and literally creamed half the pack. 

Lickthiologist caught a whiff of Tiny Dancer’s drink at said ice truck stop and was like… does that have alcohol in it? No, we’re just accustomed to oranges and mangos coupled with rum… like mother truckin’ pavlov’s dogs or something… 

Drunk Happy Hour GIF by Kevin Hart's Laugh Out Loud

Speaking of furry animals on trail…The hares were called out for planting not  SINGLE beaver check! I wasn’t mad. Just disappointed. 

Knocked Up and Just Graciela were violated for discussions about a group discount… group discount to what? You waxer? J/k it was a marathon group. Eww. Yuck. Gross. 

Speaking of r*ceists…we nabbed Just Nick for r*cist attire on trail. I later found out he was just reppin for his school but whatevs. Looked pretty racey to me!

run running GIF

Our visiting San Diego hasher (All Abscess Pass) received a major cumendation for giving #SquadHoles a pep talk about married life… apparently you can buy wedding rings in packs now… you know… to go with your various outfits?  “But the ones that are like, *this big* (Gestures by making an ‘O’ ring with hands) … are NOT for your ring finger. Lol. Good times!

Aaaaaannnnnd with that, SKOOTER OUT!

Scooter Raccoon GIF

Back to your regularly scheduled program… THIS WEEK’S TRAIL! 

On-see you trash pandas soon-On,

s/Kooter Kunte