WHEN: Thursday, May 21st, 2020

WHERE: Your House

HARES: You!

Long Time No See’um: Foreskin

Shiggy socks are worn to protect the shins and knees of the wearer from thorns, mud, branches, or whatever else they run through. Seeing as this was a virtual trail and also Everyday is Wednesday, the risk of thorns, mud, branches, or whatever else was… minimal, at best.

So, what else could you use those shiggy socks for?

Face Mask

Ok, so you have to go buy groceries at some point, right? (Yes, liquor counts as groceries) Might as well pick out the least-smelly sock in your drawer and put it to good use.





Sock Puppet

Maybe you’re too shy to ask that cutie who posted in the Google album to your Zoom breakout sesh. Asock puppet might be the perfect messenger. And if they say no? You’ve already got someone to help keep you warm at night.






Makeshift Koozie

No one likes cold feet or warm beer. Avoid them both by using your unloved shiggies to hug your beer. We can’t promise it’ll taste better, but at least it’s not Malort?









Did you really think I’d include more than three suggestions? 

C’mon.. We all know you don’t own THAT many socks. Fix that by emailing your hab!

Violations: 

We started the night off with a massive group violation – OR commendation if it’s your thing, this is a no-judgement zone! – for creating the first Official Everyday is Wednesday Hash House Harriers Foot Fetish Photo Folder!

Tuck Tuck Deuce was violated for not showing enough skin.

Cocktease Falcon showed too much skin.

Poon Tang Clan chose socks that were really out of this world, while Skooter Kunte preferred the fruit of the Earth instead.

Around the World in 80 Lays proved her attraction to warm bodies, even if they’re Hilbillies, while Twaterboarding prefers the cold shiny metal stuff instead.

Seizure’s Phallus missed real-life hashing so much that he gathered an al-PACK-a of his own, while Close Encounters of the Turd Kind brought the trail to him.

Despite our best efforts, we were still at home, so we gathered our sock koozies and moseyed on back to quarantine.

On – Sock It To Me – On
Poon-apple Juice (h/t CEotTK)

WHEN: Thursday, May 14, 2020

WHERE: Your House

HARES: You!

So, you’ve got a spirit. Don’t panic! We’re here to help you clean out your supernatural closet.

Step 1: Rule out non-paranormal sources of activity.
No matter how convinced you may be, bear in mind that your problem might not be otherworldly at all. In fact, there are plenty of things, from pests to noisy neighbors, that might lead you to believe you aren’t alone. It won’t hurt to find out if anyone next door has recently discovered a noisy new kink.

Step 2: Cleanse the space.
Burning sage, or smudging, is great first step.
Step 3: Speak up.
If cleansing didn’t solve your problem, you might need to take a more direct approach. Announce yourself when you come home and speak up when you feel your spirit’s presence. Liberal nudity will do wonders to scare away the most conservative of ghosts, while others may react more to loud vibrations or moans of your own.
Step 4: Take a stand (if you have to).
You’re dealing with a pretty powerful spirit if you’ve gotten to this step. There are plenty of …
oh.. wait.. not that kind of spirit?
Shit.

Violations:

Schrodinger’s Cock was violated for doubling up on the trail link, proving once and for all that he doesn’t really get double-teaming.

Twaterboarding outed all of MM in our plan to take over the world. But let’s be real, she can barely run a virtual circle, forget a totalitarian government.

Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer killed a school mascot. But we know that mascots aren’t real people, so with the right lawyer, those charges should get dropped down to littering.

Geriatric Mandering was violated for repeat costuming. You don’t wear varsity jackets to pep rallies, pep rallies are held during the day! You wear varsity jackets to football games so you can lay something down on the grass underneath the stands when you’re getting railed by the quarterback.

Jigglytits and F.A.R.T. visited the place where society seems to get fucked constantly, the U.S. Supreme Court. It’s weird those kids are having a mock commencement there, because I thought that building was for mock trials.

After a rousing rendition of some song that was probably out of tune, we all hit “Leave Meeting” and ghosted the RA.

On – I Ain’t Afraid of No Ghosts – On
Poon-apple Juice (ghost writing for CEotTK)

WHEN: Thursday, May 7th, 2020

WHERE: Your House!

HARES: You!

We’ve been locked away for a month and a half. There is no more fresh food left in our pantries. We only have delicious junk food left. It was time to celebrate those staple food items with long shelf lives and start ingesting them! Pull out those Cheetos and get crunching!

Chester Cheetah getting high

One way or another

We binged on artificially colored orange food today, and we hashed. Then we binged on more artificially colored orange food and drank a lot. Just another day in quarantine!

As always, some of you did stupid things on this Virtual Trail

FOOD-RELATED VIOLATIONS:

  • Kooter Kunte, Roll Over Bitch, and Periodic Fable were violated for going off theme and posting pictures of HEALTHY orange food. Get that shit out of my face, I only want the most artificial of flavors in my food today. Where the FUCK is my monosodium glutamate, my disodium phosphate, my thiamine mononitrate, my whey protein isolate? Where’s my Yellow 6, my annatto extract color, my monocalcium phosphate? Where are my carcinogens, my heart complicators, my diabetes concentrates, my artery solidifiers? Fuck off with that weak-ass health shit!
  • Tuck Tuck Deuce, don’t act like we didn’t see you with those Whole Wheat CheezIts, that’s health food-adjacent and still gets a violation!
  • Around the World in 80 Lays and Just John, don’t tell me how to schedule my poops with your Metamucil, get that stool softener out of my face, I eat snacks that clog up my butthole so that when I take my once-a-week shit, that shits rip my anus to shreds!
Questlove's "Symphonic Celebration of Prince" coming to Orlando - bungalower

Everyone’s collective reaction to hearing this much information about Turd Kind’s butthole, despite knowing how he got his name…

OTHER VIOLATIONS:

  • Quid Pro Blow was violated for color-blindness. The theme color was a shitty Presidential cheater, not a shitty one-balled cheater.
  • Son, What the Fuck? was violated for her raceist-adjacent attire. “The Balanced Athlete” is a slippery slope to “I have marathon stickers on my car.”
  • Infidellatio is being violated for having so much pent-up sexual energy, she thinks Cum Dumpling is a snack!
  • Similarly, Close Encounters of the Turd Kind is being violated for also being too pent up during this pandemic. He was almost arrested for excessive mastication.

But it wasn’t ALL bad, we have to give out some cummendations too!

CUMMENDATIONS:

  • A BIG cummendation to everyone who submitted violations this week! Thank you for participating and helping me write jokes, all 2 of you!
  • Just Caol Ila was cummended for being this week’s winner for Most Photogenic Hasher! Look at that cutie! Sorry Just Murray, try harder next time!
  • Deep Anal Horizon was cummended for his snack food presentation! Alright, I changed my mind about that health food shit I said earlier, suddenly I want THAT carrot to rip my anus to shreds!
Orange Vagina GIF - Orange Vagina - Discover & Share GIFs

OK Turd Kind, we all think you might need serious psychological help.

GROUP VIOLATIONS:

  • Everyone who has not yet purchased their new EWH3 face mask! This group violation brought to you by EHW3 Haberdasherie! We have masks for sale! They come in gray and burgundy! Email your Haberdasher today! Supplies are limited! And now back to your regularly scheduled violations!
  • Everyone who submits their pictures after 7pm because it makes it really hard for me to make jokes about you people. I’m looking at YOU, L’Chymen!
  • Everyone who has broken quarantine for a booty call. Double violation if it was group sex, because you didn’t invite me!
  • Everyone who DIDN’T go outside today, because they showed callous disregard for the hard work of the RA
  • Everyone who didn’t have Tacos on Taco Tuesday Cinco de Mayo
Shaq-Eating-Tacos-Taco-Bell-Commercial ⋆ BYT // Brightest Young Things

Please tell me COVID didn’t cancel Shaq Attack…

On-Why is my blood pressure so high?-On

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind