When: Thursday, October 10, 2019

Regular Trail 

  • Minnesota Ave (Orange) @ 6:45 pm
  • Hares: Wait Wait Don’t Fuck Me… etc.!
  • Virgins: Just Andy
  • Visitors: AARPenis, Fister Roboto, Drillbert, Moremen Pukes Tonight

Ballbuster Trail

  • Capitol Heights (Blue) @ 5:30 pm
  • Hares: All Flash No Drive, Special Head Kid, Goldman Ballsachs, By the Power of Gayskull, Quid Pro Blow
  • Virgins: Just Allen
  • Visitors: Six From Behind (from Syracuse!)

On-After:  DC Eagle

Violations from Double Scribe Tag Team on top of a pile of dirt under a bridge aka Slut Mountain

  • La Gingeracha brought a trio of rubber chickens to trail for BB.  Not only was he caught choking them at beer check, he also got the new kids to put them into their pants making it the first time in 2019 someone touched LG’s cock.
  • Just Allen asked someone where he should put his cock.  I think either of our RAs were available, frankly.
  • You Can’t Handle The Poop nearly ran over a muggle exiting a library on trail.  We get it bro, you’re swole, doesn’t mean you need to body slam nerds to prove it.
  • Quid Pro Blow took it into a hole on trail and ended up all bloody.  Good to know he’s into period sex.
  • Beer check for the ballbusters was next to some soiled mattresses in the bushes.  Wow, RDR committee really splashed out for the hotel this year!
  • SchroCo was the perviest recipient of a tit check, looking around like Golem trying to find his previous.
  • Just Arthur was violated for nearly killing an old ass muggle on the Anacostia River Trail in the dark.  He was definitely confused with last week’s trail – it was supposed to be in Hyattsville on the Florida Man trail that we bumped off some old people.
  • What’s A Boner was reliving his WIE BB fantasy where he found a deer skull in the woods by chasing down a live deer so that he could affix its skull to his crotch.
  • AARPenis skipped a fish hook, ignoring Edub tradition.  It’s true what they say, without rules we’re all just a bunch of old dicks.
  • The ballbuster hares were violated for being the most Type A uptight DC hares for having a minute-by-minute tick tock for their trail.  They shortened it but it was still long enough for me and I give it a perfect 10 (miles). Also, I was WEARING NEW SHOES the whole time and nobody noticed.  Bwahahaha!!!

No naming, but it was leather night at DC Eagle so I’m sure someone ended up on their knees in the middle of a circle of people.

On – nice day for a red wedding – on,

Stain Gretzky & #SquadHoles

When: Thursday, September 26, 2019

Where:  Union Station Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  General Tso’s Kitten, (Lickin’) Deetz Nutz, Geriatric Meow-ndering, Tail Mary, Mew-mbo # Hives, Schrödinger’s Cat (maybe alive?)

Virgins:  none!

Visitor:  Mike Man from Seoul, Drop and Tug from Yerevan Armenia, Amerigo Vespoogie from Seattle

On-After:  Union Pub


  • Deep Anal Horizon was violated for becoming the alpha of a new feral cat colony by making his territory all over beer check.
  • Allegedy, Tragic Carpet Ride ran half a block on trail.  You’ve gotta be kitten me.
  • Cum Dumpling was violated because, just like a cat, he is so flexible he can lick his own butthole and, just like a cat, he made eye contact with anyone who dared challenge him while he decided to do this in the middle of a busy H St intersection.
  • Just Gautham looked around at beer check like this wasn’t the friggin’ cat trail and expressed surprise that somebody had “cleaned up” the dead mouse that was there the last time we used that beer check spot.
  • #SquadHoles was violated for freely calling himself a pig on trail.  I mean seriously, that man is a walking roast.
  • Special Red was exceptionally well prepared for trail tonight – with his running flip flops tied on with yarn he was prepared for a cat-toy related emergency at any moment.
  • And finally, a violation for the hares, because the only thing more terrifying, upsetting, and ill-planned than that trail was the trailer for the new Cats movie.

On – check meowt – on,

Stain Catzky

When: Thursday, September 12, 2019
Where: Capital South Metro (Blue/Orange)
Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Hungry Hungry Homo, All Flash No Drive, Split Her Bare, Sphincter Shy, and Wank Like An Egyptian
Virgins: Just Chris, Just Tintin, Just Mike, Just Tess, Just Kimberly
Visitors: Just Erin

I mean, yea… Recycling is pretty dope, but you know what the BETTER option is?


One man’s trash is another man’s attire. Just check out..

Mambo Number Hives, who didn’t need to remind us of how sweet she is.

Rosetta Bone, her own biggest fan

Goldman Ballsachs, who is proud of his new job at Monsters Inc. He knows that showing his cock is the best way to make little girls scream. Or was it giggle..?

Schrodinger’s Cock, advertising the fact that he doesn’t have a floppy disk.

Cum Locker, who forgot to send out her wedding invites. Although, that’s not the only reason no one came that night.

Violations (and Cummendations)

Just Erin really wanted to donate her pickle to Blow Me Closer Tiny Dancer. Not the first time she’s heard that line. And definitely not the last.

Close Encounters of the Turd Kind was so jealous that we were able to get dates, he ditched all of his (calendars, that is).

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was cummended for re-routing trail to a safe space, complete with a beer check near a dumpster. Perfect for your repurposed ABC costume.

At this point in the evening, we were full of Twinkle Juice™ and bad intentions, so we took the next logical step toward a very solemn occasion…


Just Karen would like to see your manager. A lawyer and immigration advocate from Fordham, she made herself cum with foreign influence, but not before being detained while naked in Panama City. Just Karen had her most mind-blowing orgasm with the main character from Magic Mike, despite his awkward boner. She tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.. unless you’re her boss. This Twitter Troll “doesn’t do the porn thing much,” however she takes Alice In Wonderland erotica recs from Trump himself. No longer dressed as a dead hooker, Just Karen treated us to a bedtime story of sorts: Once upon a time, she fucked her best friend’s boyfriend’s twin… over. By spilling his beans (and maybe flicking hers?). Despite her affinity for letting dogs in her mouth, it was ultimately her embarrassment surrounding her lesbian desires that led to name her…

After a lot of confusion, the pack gathered at an On-After. I didn’t make it because I’d been Twinkled and used all my money making a dress. I’m sure it was just dandy.

On – Dolla Dolla Bill Y’all – On
Poon-apple Juice