Goin’ Deep … into the ‘burbs!  And deep into metro apparently.  Fun fact: Forest Glen is metro’s deepest station and the only one that relies exclusively on elevators.  So get ready for some serious suburban shiggy as Edubs goes deep into the ‘burbs, deep into metro, deep into shiggy – we’re going so deep, we’re outside the beltway!

When: Thursday, May 9th 6:45PM, Pack away at 7:15PM!

Where: Forest Glen Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  Blows A Tranny, Broke Back Mama, CoXXX on Demand, Put It Out, Tuck Tuck Deuce, & Mystery hare

Trail Length: Runners 5 miles; Walkers 3 miles

Theme:  Run around the woods, drink beer and have fun.

Misc. Stuff:  Live A to B trail through the hills and dales of Maryland.  There’s shiggy on this trail for everyone — “Shiggy” means mud (eek!) foliage (eek!) water (eek!) spiders (eeeeeek!) and other interesting stuff.  “Everyone” means both walkers and runners.   Dog friendly, moderate PI risk if you’re sensitive (hares didn’t get any, but we are not the sensitive types). Bring dry clothes and headlamp for reals.  

On After:McGinty’s Public House

Last Red Line Train Inbound from Silver Spring: 11:12 PM

Just when you thought that we had eradicated preventable illnesses from the days of old, scurvy has struck the Nation’s Capital! Obviously, EWH3 got plenty of Vitamin D during last week’s Stoplight Trail but ready your eye patches and grab your trusty blunderbuss because this trail will make sure you stock up on rum and Vitamin C!

When: 6:45 PM & May 2, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Ballston Metro and walk to Welburn Square, 901 N Taylor St, Arlington, VA 22203 – follow marks to start!

Hares: Atari 6900 & Crew

Trail Length:
Runners total trail: 1st is 2.35 mi, 2nd is 2.13 mi
Walker’s total trail: 1st is 1 mi, 2nd is 1 mil

Theme: Suggested themes include: Vitamin C, Oranges, Mermaids, Scurvy, and of course RUM, RUM, and more RUM!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. There may or may not be scurvy on trail. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Ballston:
Largo Town Center 11:10 PM
New Carrollton 11:03 PM
Vienna/Fairfax-GMU 11:53 PM
Wiehle-Reston East 11:38 PM

On After: Punch Bowl Social

Specials: Lemons, Limes, Oranges, plenty of fruit with Vitamin C – and other specials TBD

When: Thursday, April 25, 2019

Where:  Pentagon City Metro (Yellow / Blue Line)

Hares:  #SquadHoles, #SquadHoles’ hover board, Poon-apple Juice, L’Chymen, and Heaven’s Gape

Virgins:  none

Visitor:  The other DADS, who doesn’t know what PUDJAM is

On-After:  Freddie’s Beach Bar Bob and Edith’s Diner

Y’all, it was #SquadHoles’ first alpha hare, yay!  And for a trail that put us underground on the nicest Thursday of the year so far, involved repeatedly running into traffic and an elevator dance sausage party gang bang, and revealed a concerning number of hashers who don’t know which three colors are on a stoplight, it was … yeah it was still shitty.

Also, we need to talk about that freaking train DP while I was trying to do my set in circle.  I’m loud, but not that loud.  Rude.  Anyway, moving on.


  • Our walker’s hare L’Chymen walked into a revolving glass door on trail.  She may have dyed her hair red, but this Harriette is still a blonde at heart.
  • Princess Jizzmine decided that road signs are the new LinkedIn and picked out her next career move: 3 men in a truck for $80 an hour.  Sold!
  • Uno, Dos, Tres LIFTOFF! was caught bragging about her GS-14 status.  It’s not so much the money we’re concerned about, but the fact that her longest relationship to date has been with Uncle Sam.
  • #SquadHoles announced via SnapChat (aka his preferred medium for documenting crimes) this week that he is cancelling his adult summer camp due to lack of alcohol permit, a norovirus outbreak, Brexit, and the release of the Mueller Report.  He’s been so busy telling everyone how “lit” it was going to be he didn’t realize he had been organizing West Virginia’s very own Fyre Festival.  Documentary out on Netflix this fall!

And a big SHAME bell for me for flubbing my period sex joke about the tunnels of love trail being laid with red and sticky marks.  I’m literally named after a menstrual blood stain.  Anyway, we still threw down some towels and made a mess of that karaoke.

On – I petted so many dogs last night – on,

Stain Train