It’s that time of year when we grant the groundhog the power to predict the changing of our seasons. I, Mourning Wood, will lead us on a journey into the forest to find our Augur of Earrach.  We will need lights and shoes prepared for searching through the dirt.  And for those on a more civilized path, please remember that groundhogs prefer to be awoken by those in formal wear so top hats are encouraged to ensure we are not cursed with more winter.

So dawn your top hats, grab some fur on Gobbler’s Knob, and join the search for the Meteorologist Mamota monax.  Will we have an early spring?  Only a shadow can decide…

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday January 30, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Woodley Park/Zoo/Adams Morgan – Red Line

Hares: Mourning Wood, Deetz Nutz, Special Head Kid, and several Mystery Hares!

How Far: Runners’ trail is 4.75 miles (3.25/1.5). Walkers’ trail is 2.2 miles.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z. Trail is dog- and rodent-friendly. It’s still winter dress for temperatures around freezing. Layer up, bring your lamp, and bring your mug!  Runners will be split between pavement and woods, wear shoes that can get dirty (water possible).  Walkers will be safe from mud, dirt, and water.

Last trains out of Farragut West (Blue/Orange/Silver Line):

ORANGE: New Carrollton – 11:19pm / Vienna-Fairfax-GMU – 11:40pm

SILVER: Largo – 11:27pm / Wiehle-Reston East – 11:22pm

BLUE: Largo – 11:27pm / Franconia-Springfield – 11:29pm

Last trains out of Farragut North (Red Line): Glenmont – 11:19pm / Shady Grove – 11:25pm

On After:Recessions – 1823 L St NW

Specials:Karaoke is always special.

When: Thursday, January 23rd, 2020

Where: Virginia Square Metro (Orange/Silver Line)

Hares: Poon-Apple Juice, Mourning Wood, Atari 6900, #SquadHoles, Poon Tang Clan, and Urine All The Right Places

Virgin: Just Chris

Visitor: Urine All The Right Places

Long-Time No-Seeum: Amerigo Vespoogi

On-After: First Down

It was a cold night in Virginia as the beautiful Princess Atari 6900 arrived from the northern kingdom in a seductive, icy blue dress. Just like our toes, the metro was Frozen, so a late start was inevitable as Hashers used every means available to get to start.

Frozen Disney GIF


THE HARES had quite a night, according to our Hashers!

  • VIOLATION: THE HARES for making too many Just and Tit Checks when there are only two Justs and four tits on trail tonight. The design choices of this trail were simply… UN-JUST-FIED!
  • COMMENDATION: Thank you Atari 6900 for joining us all the way from Utah tonight. We loved seeing your sexy magical Mormon underwear beneath your costume.

  • VIOLATION: Atari 6900 can’t navigate for shit. He broke the trail map on his phone, and he sent us down the wrong way into a dark alley. The cold might not bother you, but fuck you, it bothers us.
  • COMMENDATION: Quid Pro Blow had his GM first Encounter with a cop, successfully flirting with the armed officer until he left us alone.

The rest of the Hashers were not spared from themselves either. Violations include:

  • COMMENDATION: Urine All the Right Places for being… in all the right urine places. He witnessed Atari 6900 in his Elsa costume pissing on trail. He really Let It Go. A muggle was on their back porch watching him piss too, the muggle saw that Atari saw him, and he had to stop pissing mid stream.
  • Just Kirsten, in reference to her beer mug, claimed that she brings her tiny D cup and leaves the big D at home. She needs to bring the BIG D because we all want to see it.
  • Shetland Blowme, because it is pleasurable to violate himself

And of course, multiple social violations for the unorthodox evening.

  • SOCIAL VIOLATION: Anyone who took an Uber to trail and didn’t bring any virgins or trail treasure.
  • SOCIAL VIOLATION: Everyone who tried to slowly walk away like nothing was wrong with the police showed up at beer check. You aren’t sneaky!

Disney Animation GIF by Walt Disney Studios


Close Encounters of the Turd Kind

Once upon a time, in the kingdom of Arandelle, two sisters awoke to a dream come true: a snowscape worthy of celebration. The day is full of snowballs, sledding, and the introduction of a new pal: Olaf the snowman. Their fun comes to an end when an errant freeze ray renders Anna unconscious and on the brink of death, but she doesn’t remember: who dealt the near fatal blow?

This winter, Olaf is back with a vengeance. With a thirst for warm hugs, he won’t give up until his quest is complete. The kingdom is in danger. Will the sisters be able to defeat the impending freeze?

When: 6:45 PM, Thursday January 23, 2020. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Virginia Square Metro – Orange/Silver Line

Hares: Poon-Apple Juice, Mourning Wood, Atari 6900, #SquadHoles, Poon Tang Clan & possibly a Mystery Hare

How Far: Runners’ trail is 4.1 miles (2.7/1.4), with an Eagle split to add another .6 miles. Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance of runners’.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Trail is dog- and reindeer-friendly. It should be a frigid night. Dress warm, pack smartly, and bring your lamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Ballston-MU (Orange/Silver Line):

Largo Town Center – 11:04pm / New Carrollton – 11:06pm

Vienna/Fairfax-GMU – 11:53pm / Wiehle-Reston East – 11:38pm

On After:First Down – 4213 Fairfax Dr

Specials:Domestic Pitchers $14.99