EWH3 #618: Beer Fairy Memorial Trail – Thursday, November 18, 2010
Where: East Falls Church Metro — Orange Line. Metro out farther than you ever want to go on the orange line, avoid orange girls, follow marks to start and look for a bunch of fairies standing around (good thing we’re not starting in Dupont…)
When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, November 18, 2010. Pack away at 7:15ish.
Fairy Hares: Dildo Fairy, Butt Fairy and Fairy Phkr…also known as Dildo Shaggins, Everything Butt and Chkn Phkr
Misc: A to A’. Dog friendly. Bring headlamp and dry shoes, runners especially will want dry shoes. Also, please note that the metro is a mile away from the OnOnOn, so be prepared to leave in time to catch last train…or wander around suburbia looking for a cab. Also, for those of you who don’t know about Beer Fairy, this trail is a tribute to him. If you feel so inclined to dawn some wings/wigs/embrace your inner fairy, do it! Or just play around in one of the many playgrounds we’ll be running thru…because I know I will.
OnOnOn: Ireland’s Four Provinces 105 W Broad St Falls Church, VA 22046-4236 (703) 534-8999
Note to self: attempting to recall information from Thursday on a Sunday, having drank multiple cans of Four Loko over a period of four nights is incredibly difficult and slightly depressing.ANYWAY…
The pack circled up in a parking lot by the Iowa Jima memorial.That was cool and all, but threw a wrench in my night early on, as a war broke out in my mind as to whether or not it was OK to pee anywhere close by.So I chose my pants instead.Kidding…
The pack took off on a nice tear down to the GW parkway (or whatever road that is), and up over Memorial Bridge.The straightaway did wonders to accommodate the varying running speeds of the EWH3 pack, expertly keeping us together.Yay!More sarcasm!We then ran to the Lincoln, past numerous tour groups (little kids!) and onto the Tidal Basin where either the pack became 2,006% dumber or the hares decided that flour is a premium and did not want to lay any of it (I suspect the latter).
After milling around for a bit and wondering whether or not Bow Chic-a Bow Bow had gotten himself hit by a car (seriously, where’d you go?!), we finally came to the beer check by the DC-side base of Memorial Bridge.Obviously, it was myself and my fellow lost hashers who were the dumb ones, as there were plenty of other runners milling around.Whoops.
After drinking some beer and collecting a bunch of awesome violations from the pack (er…) we headed off and from there it was basically a nice little road race.As we got closer to Hains Point there was My Little Pony prepping a shot check.Upon closer inspection, it looked like some fruit punch, V8 concoction.On closer inspection (i.e. it being put in my mouth) it basically tasted like Frank’s Red Hot and butt.You’d think that, since I like both it’d be great, but mixed together?Eh, not so good (I kid, I kid- Frank’s is gross!).
We finished under 395, drank beer, and did not do karate for Cum On Prancer’s sake.
Tits for Tots was violated for being from Michigan, where Four Loko was just banned.Thanks for ruining my life.
Uh Oh! A Squirty Hoe was at his first hash since coming back from Yemen, which is great for the War on Terror, as there’s one less virgin for a suicide bomber’s paradise.
Coxxx on Demand had a super racist shirt.Congrats on the Marine Corps Marathon, now drink.
The Hares were violated for thinking the flour is expensive.It isn’t guys, so use it!
1 If By Man, 2 If By She was violated for not knowing the international hand gesture for “Suck It!”
Big Bang was violated for seeking relationship advice from a 23-year-old-binge-drinking-cant-hold-a-relationship-to-save-his-life-asshole: yours truly.
Just Autumn had a double violation- first, for having hippy parents who decided to name her Autumn.Second, for trying to pay for the hash in dollar coins.
Just Ryan was overheard telling Mr. Mi-Gag-Me to “stop shivering, you’re getting me aroused.”I guess you have to take it where you can get it.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock did a Century (100 mile) bike ride on his day off for Veteran’s Day instead of what normal people do: sit around hungover and watch porn.
Just Chris wore a shirt that said HIV negative on it, which is usually a given but when you’re him you really need to make sure people know.
JustKeith took 5 bites to eat 1 potato chip- Ladies, be advised, he takes his time when it comes to eating things.
CompostPile, our resident snuggle-bunny/panda, picked up the speed hardcore when he was around the kiddy tour groups.
I Manual Cunt showed his true Mexican roots when he was jumping over fences around the mall.
Violations from the Crowd
Everyone who went to KandyPanties’ wedding- suck it!
SWAB and JustMatt’s racism missed my eye.
Uh Oh! A Squirty Hoe is apparently a one-pump-chump.
The Gay Robots (Just Peter/Just Chris) were heard talking about cardio dancing.
Cock Your Suck I Will walked.Enough said.
Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was too busy breaking all the rulez (wearing a leather jacket)!
I Manual Cunt came too late for the Halloween Hash, as he was dressed like an hourglass.
…and then it was time for a weekly, er, I mean special occasion: a naming!
The Gay Robots, or Just Peter and JustChris, were brought into the circle for a dual naming.Nothing I can write will do this naming justice, as it was one of the funnier things I have witnessed at the hash.Just imagine two young men with an abundance of ignorant stories between them, talking like robots.For a long time.There was poop in pants, eHarmony, gay music, etc etc, but most of the names centered around robots and gay things.
Siegfried and Roy
Tweedle Pee and Tweedle Cum
Fred Ass-stare and Pop-her-azzi
Captain Cock and Splooge
Homo Arigato and Mr. Robutto
Well, when that last one was said, it was pretty much done for.So now, throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls, F* them!), Just Peter and Just Chris will be known as Homo Arigato and Mr. Robutto.Ladies, fight amongst yourselves for who got which.
We sang, we drank, we took shots with the waitresses at Jenny’s.
EWH3 #617: USMC Birthday Trail – Thursday, November 11, 2010
Where: Rosslyn Metro — Blue/Orange Lines. Dodge tourists and follow marks to the Iwo Jima Memorial.
When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, November 11, 2010. Pack away at 7:15ish.
Hares: My Little Pony, Rambutt, Bugs, Ass Ogre
Misc: A to Z. Or as your hares put it: A to Shot to Beer to Shots & Beer. Happy 235th Birthday Marines! Dog-friendly. I think I saw some shiggy along the way. I definitely saw a lot of liquid. Headlamps are always a good idea. Runners will be rewarded more than walkers.
A note from your alpha hare: Happy 235th Birthday Marines!
“On November 10, 1775, a Corps of Marines was created by a resolution of the Continental Congress. Since that date many thousands of men have borne that name Marine. In memory of them it is fitting that we who are Marines should commemorate the Birthday of our Corps by calling to mind the glories of its long and illustrious history.”
In every clime and place the Marines continuously stand ready. In this place and clime, the Marine hares of EWH3 stand ready to deliver a trail symbolic of the rich Marine history. Run, Drink, and Enjoy!
OnOnOn: Jenny’s Asian fusion 1000 Water Street Southwest Washington D.C., DC 20024 (202) 554-2202 www.jennysdc.com