EWH3 #611:  College Park

 

Hares:  Holy Tit!, General’s Farm Animal, Looney Soccer Dad

 

Brew Crew: Brokeback Mama, CoXXX on Demand

 

Virgins:  Just Colleen

 

Visitors:  None were stupid enough to come to this trail.

 

OnOnOn:  Rinaldi’s Riverdale Bowl

 

We met up in the parking garage right outside the Metro, and for those of us who arrived early, the hares gave us inflatable rafts to blow up.  We needed them, because our religious advisers haven’t been doing their job, and it was a freakin’ monsoon out on Thursday.  Seriously, it was wetter than your little sister.  Fortunately, the hares had marked the trail with paint.  Yup.  Literally.  The pack ran off into the storm, and turned off into some shiggy before too long.  At this point, everyone wandered around lost; even the hares couldn’t remember where trail went.  We eventually emerged, ran through scenic College Park, past some even more scenic Maryland dorms, and into a driveway, where we had our beer check in the pouring rain. 

The second half of trail started out promising, with mostly urban and suburban running, and I thought it was going to be a pleasant jaunt in to the end.  Little did I know that we had in store the water crossing of death.  What had been a placid little creek had turned into a raging river, and, while I don’t mind swimming at the hash, the current on this one was far too strong and too swift to even think about swimming.  Even holding on to Just Zach, who’s a pretty big guy, I could barely keep my footing.  After that near death experience, I was expecting to see a wood chipper once I got across the river, but fortunately, that was not the case.  Once we were across the River Styx, or whatever it was, we ran down a trail, through another neighborhood, and onto a main road, which led to the on-in, behind a bowling alley.  Suddenly, I started craving a White Russian, but first, it was time for circle.

 

Violations

 

Roll Over Bitch! thought we were fording the Mississippi River on the Oregon Trail and brought a dry bag.  You have died of dysentery.

 

Dildo Shaggins wrapped herself up in rubber; she really, really wanted to make sure she’d have protection.

 

Have Fun Storming the Asshole and And I’ll Push Back were holding hands on trail.  This is the hash, not a romantic comedy.


Suck Her for Sushi, despite wearing a Coast Guard shirt, pushed Hand Job downstream in a water crossing so he wouldn’t get swept away by the current.  Wow, that makes me feel really safe in our nation’s waters.

 

Motormouth showed up dressed as a security guard.

 

Everyone who went to Maryland, thanks for giving us a tour of what dorms you got drunk in.

 

The hares got lost on their own trail.

 

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

Wreath Around fisted I Manual Cunt.

 

Dildo Shaggins invented a new kind of prophylactic.

 

Cock-a-Doodle-do-Me had a lot of trouble saying, “prophylactic,” she couldn’t get her mouth around such a big, long… word.

 

Tits for Tots dressed like Carmen Sandiego in circle, continuing the theme of computer games we played in school in the ’80s. 

 

And then it was time for a very regular occasion:  a NAMING!

 

Just Zach is married to I Think We Need a Fourth–he lost his virginity to her and everything–and they’re swingers.  One of the guests he brought home turned out to be 19 and a virgin–though she wasn’t anymore after that night–and during the night, her car got towed.  The car was registered under the girl’s father’s name, which led to a really awkward meeting.  He went to college in Chattahoochee, and now works on the hill for a member from Texas.  His boss is Republican, but he isn’t.  Just Zach got walked in on by his brother and lost his boner.  After a trip to TGI Friday’s, he once pooped his pants while riding in a car with his family–his brother was next to him in the back seat–and wrapped himself up in a towel.  Too bad we already have a Poop DeVille.

 

Naming suggestions (that didn’t suck) were: 

Daddy Tows Best

Gang Bang Miss Miss

O Brother, Where Shart Thou?

Daddy Queerest

Shootin’ the Cooch

Chattacoochee

 

No one can resist a good Coen Brothers reference–after all, they are cinematic geniuses–so we named Just Zach O Brother, Where Shart Thou?

 

After that, we went to the bar, I mean, bowling alley, drank more beer, and tried to help each other conceive.

 

F*ck it, dude, let’s go bowling,

Tits for Tots

EWH3 Scribe

 

RSVP for this week’s trail!  

http://www.evite.com/app/publicUrl/NUOOGYCPZAIKWWSEOZPE/ewh3prelewd

And then write angry, angry letters to Evite for being the worst website in the world. I’m sorry about the text color, but Evite can go f*ck itself. 🙂
IF you want beer, make sure to RSVP!!!
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EWH3 #612: – Choose Your Own Adventure Trail – Thursday, October 7, 2010

Trail #1: Ballbuster (RSVP at http://www.evite.com/app/publicUrl/NUOOGYCPZAIKWWSEOZPE/ewh3prelewd “Yes” if you are going to run this trail)

Hares: Gaystation, Cum On Prancer, Low Pressher Front, Spinchter Shy, Whiskey Business.
Start:
Congress Heights Metro (Green Line)
Start Time:
6:00 sign-in, circle up 6:25, hashers away at 6:30.
Cost:
$5
Misc:
A-Z, 3 beer checks! Heavy shiggy and PI. Bring dry clothes and shoes. Bag vehicle provided. Trail will be between 8 and 12 miles.
Directions:
Metro to the Congress Heights Metro Driving not recommended.
Ononon:
Remington’s – 639 Pennsylvania Ave, SE

This trail is long and hard. If you dislike running (for long distances) and are not a masochist, we reccommend you DO NOT run this trail.

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Trails #2 and #3: Regular and Walker’s Trail (RSVP “Maybe” at http://www.evite.com/app/publicUrl/NUOOGYCPZAIKWWSEOZPE/ewh3prelewd for Regular and “No’ for walkers trail)

Hares: PIO, 6 Fags, Just Braden, OsamaBinHashing & SafeWord
Start:
Eastern Market Metro (Blue and Oranage Lines)
Start Time:
6:45 sign-in, pack away at 7:15
Cost:
$5
Misc:
A-A.  Bag vehicle provided.
Directions:
Metro to the Eastern Market
Ononon:
Remington’s

————————————-
DC Area Upcumming Hash Events:

1) CHECK OUT BeltwayBob Hash Happy Hour http://www.dchashing.com/community/beltwaybob/ Tell them EWH3 sent you and then drink everyone else under the table.

2) Think the current MisManagement sucks? Show us how it’s done! Come to the open meeting, learn about MM, and sign up for a position. Oh did we mention there will be free beer and food? No? Well there will be. Details can be found here.

Wednesday, October 13th @ 7PM
Recessions Bar & Lounge
1823 L St NW, # 1, Washington, DC 20036

EWH3 #611: College Park Metro Trail – Thursday, September 30, 2010 
 
Where: College Park Metro — Green Line. Take a deep breath. Be one with being outside of DC…and follow chalk marks from the metro exit to the start
 
When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, September 30, 2010. Pack away at 7:15ish. 
 
Hares:  Holy Tit!, Generals Farm Animal, and Looney Soccer Dad
 
Misc: A to A’, Dark, wet, and full of shiggy – just like your little sister. Tough dog friendly. An important albeit lengthy note from your alpha hare:
 
Preamble.  The Hare encourages everyone to stay home as he doesn’t want to hear your bitching and moaning and crying.  If I wanted to hear bitching and moaning and crying I’d still be married.
 
Note 1: This weeks trail is going to feature many off-road sections. 
 
Note 2: See Note 1.  These sections will not have street lights.  It will be dark.  Everyone (walkers and r*nners) attending will fall into two groups, those who are happy they have a working flashlight/headlamp, and those who really wish they had a working flashlight/headlamp.
 
Note 3:  See Note 1.  These sections will might not be dry.  They might be wet.  Okay, who am I kidding, they will be wet.  Everyone (walkers and r*nners) attending will fall into two groups, those who are happy they brought dry clothes/shoes, and those who really wish they had dry clothes/shoes.
 
Note 4: See Notes 1, 2, & 3.  This weeks shenanigans is going to feature walkers, turkey, and eagle trails.
 
R*nners – If you are a p*ssy do not r*n the eagle trail.  If you think you are p*ssy or if your friends tell you that you are a p*ssy, do not r*n the eagle trail.  If you are a big p*ssy do not r*n the turkey trail either, instead you should consider the walkers trail, it’s just right for you Goldilocks.
 
Walkers – You are all p*ssies and should stay home.  See Preamble and Notes 1, 2, & 3.
 
OnOnOn:
Rinaldi’s Riverdale Bowl, aka the Riverdale Bowling Alley
6322 Kenilworth Ave
Riverdale, Maryland 20737
(301) 864-5940
 
Specials: An actual ending spot in the middle of no where! Trust me, that’s pretty damn special. NOTE…the OnOnOn is exactly 1 mile (according to the great Google) from the Metro. Much like Georgina’s but with less sketch and more Maryland.
 
Last train to Branch Ave (into DC): 11:33 PM