The pack circled up outside the Takoma Park metro for what was sure would be nice relaxing trail full of rainbows and flowers. We were off through the small downtown area of Takoma Park and quickly entered the suburban streets of Maryland that were full of twists, turns, and checks that quickly managed to get the pack thoroughly turned around. It appears that the hares had inhaled too many incense and forgot to lay the rest of the trail since at half the checks we ended up running around in circles for what seemed like miles before a hare would show up and point us in the correct direction.We eventually found the shot check. With the taste of fruit punch and the smell of sandalwood trailing after us we continued our suburban adventure until we finally managed to find the beer check…after apparently passing right by it to the delight of the hares.
The second half of trail was not short either but thankfully our hares took pity on us and there were no parking garage treks. We ended at the end of an ally next to what turned out to be a substance abuse recovery center or something (quitters). It seems that the smell of our delicious, delicious beer was too much for their willpower and we were asked to leave before the cops were called…or one of the “recovering” alcoholics shanked us for our beer.So off to the bar we went for tater tots and beer where we were to ADD to give out any:
Whiskey Business almost owned up to his name by still being to drunk from RDR to cum.
Just Chris’ manscaping job was distracting Wreath Around
Compost Pile has been itchy for weeks…dude they make a cream for that
While discussing hobbies Chip’N Fails said his new favorite thing was go over to a girl’s house and cum in her underwear drawer…Dial F concurred.
Rhinoblastme was complaining that her arm hurt from a flu shot; really it was because Just Braden wasn’t around the night before so she decided to have some solo fun, they make vibrators for a reason.
There seemed to be some sort of gang bang going on because all I heard was Pee On A Colada yell “you just got me so wet” followed by 1 If By Man 2 If By She saying “and I just came”
Hand Job mentioned how he loves doing favors for people in cars…he can be found at any Maryland Park and Ride.
Just Adam was complaining that Compost Pile was so tight. No wonder Compost Pile was complaining that his ass hurt.
EWH3 #611–Red Dress Run Pre-Pre-Lube Choose Your Own Adventure Trail: Eastern Market if you’re smart; Congress Heights if you’re a masochist
Hares: Ball-buster–Whiskey Business, Sphincter Shy, Gaystation, Low Pressure Front, Cum on Prancer; Regular–Put it Out, 6 Fags, Osama Bin Hashing, Safe Word, Just Braden
Brew Crew: Shamrock Your Cock, Cum Dumpling
Virgins: Just Mike, Dan, Tom, Dave, Sam, Mercer, and whoever was dumb enough to run their virgin hash on the ball-buster.
Visitors: Seriously, a ton. I remember Poop Weiner, Rotten Whore, Major Lying Bastard, Gritty Kitty, Takes It Up The Eh, Ear Shot (who’s really a transplant), and many more than I can keep track of.
Analversaries: 100–Low Pressure Front
Let me preface this by saying that this year, I was smart enough to not run the ball-buster trail. If you want to know about it, ask someone who was there. All I know is I heard it was long and hard, like I like my men but not my hash trails.
We met up outside the Eastern Market metro, introduced approximately 42,874 visitors and were off. Before we knew it, we saw “SN” in chalk on the sidewalk, and, among choruses of, “Wow, really? Already?” took a right turn that led up some stairs into a place EWH3 has never gone on trail before–a restaurant kitchen. Our hares had arranged for the pack to venture into Tunnicliff’s, walk through the kitchen and the bar, scare a bunch of Capitol Hill denizens, and take our tasty, delicious jello shots in the front before continuing on our merry way. The second shot came up really quickly too–sangria in pitchers in Lincoln Park. Having done two shots really quickly, we figured we’d reach beer check soon, but dammit, the hares were just teasing us. We ran down towards the Navy Yard and around Nationals Stadium, passing a few prime beer check locations along the way, before finally reaching Plan B, somewhere in Southwest.
The second half of trail was a mostly straight shot, sadly devoid of any actual straight shots. We ended up in a vacant lot on the Potomac and waited, and waited, and waited for the idiots who were getting their balls busted to roll on in.
Motormouth asked, “Do I sound black? Do my emails sound black?” You sound blacker than at least half of you looks.
Mannipple Lickter Tophered himself–he tried to shortcut by hopping a fence, and just ended up stuck in between 2 more fences.
Just Tom made Snoregasm carry his bag. And they say chivalry isn’t dead!
Six Fags injured himself on the walkers’ trail by “trying to be flamboyant.” I guess he’s going for 7 fags.
Zamboneme said, “Why can’t I find a guy who wants to fuck and then go away so I can hang out with my friends?” Girl, what hash have you been going to??
Just Chris tried to violate Just Peter for having a really big dick, so Just Chris had to drink for being jealous.
Dildo Shaggins and Brokeback Mama both had trouble swallowing, but Brokeback Mama kept going on and on about how it was too big, he choked and had to spit, and ended up with sticky stuff in his beard. But enough about his night at the gay beer, how were those jello shots?
WOWO wore jorts on trail, even though they’re out of season after Labor Day.
Motormouth ushered the pack through alleys in the ghetto, acting as EWH3’s ambassador to the black community, even though we all know he’s only black from the waist up.
Violations from the Crowd
Mannipple Lickter called Chip ‘n’ Fails gay, to which Chip ‘n’ Fails’ reply was, “Hey, if my odds are better playing for the other team…”
The Ball-buster hares tried to give everyone who ran their trail AIDS by making them get fucked in Anacostia.
And then it was time for a very regular occasion: a NAMING!
Just Dave attended college at Rochester, and law school (nooooo! stay away from the dark side!) at Ohio State (fuck it, there’s no luring him back, he’s pretty much Darth Vader) and now works for the Patent Office. He came down with Kenny-esque explosive diarrhea when he lost his virginity. Was there Mexican water in the girl’s vagina or something? Just Dave pretty much sexiled his roommate for the whole first semseter of his sophomore year of college, but now he has to resort to jacking off 6 or 7 times a day. He likes horses, Aladdin, and missionary position, and once had sex in a park. When Just Dave was a child, he got pantsed in the sandbox and was so embarrassed that he froze. While most male hashers worry about not getting laid, Just Dave was really worried about losing his guy friends when he bailed on plans one night. Isn’t that Bromantic?
Naming suggestions (that didn’t suck) were:
Cums ‘n’ Goes
Hurts She Squirts
Fuck Fuck Deuce
IBS: Inserts, Bangs, Shits
Everyone loves childhood games, so we named Just Dave Fuck Fuck Deuce.
After that, we went to the bar, sang karaoke, drank more beer, and tried to get laid.
EWH3 #613: Hippie HashTrail – Thursday, October 14, 2010
Where: Takoma Park Metro — the Red Line of peace and love, man. Pack up your smoke-filled VW Type 2 and head to up Takoma…or hop on the metro and follow the marks to start.
When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, October 14, 2010. Pack away at 7:15ish.
Hares: Brokeback Momma, CoXXX on Demand, and Just Mary
Misc: A to B. I think it’s dog friendly because, let’s be honest, hippies love everything that feels soft and warm while tripping on acid. Bring dry shoes, HEADLAMPS, and dry hippie clothes to fit in with the natives after our running activities. If you don’t perpetually have flowers in your hair…your hares advise that you “Arrive in Takoma early and get duded-out, man, at Rerun Retro, S&A Beads and Polly Sue’s Vintage at the intersection of Laurel & Carroll Avenues, 2 blocks uphill from the metro station.”
2) THIS WEDNESDAY, October 13th – EWH3’s Open Mismanagement Meeting!! What: EWH3 Open Mismanagment Meeting When: Wednesday, 13 Oct 2010 @ 7pm Where: Recessions Bar & Lounge, 1823 L St NW, # 1, Washington, DC 20036
Tell us how horrible of a job we’ve done this year and then sign up to change the world and next year’s hash. Oh and while your learning all about MM and Brew Crew you will be drinking FREE BEER on us! (If you can’t make the meeting but are interested in joining MisManagement let us know, email [email protected]) ————————————-