From Kennedy Space Center to Walt Disney World, Daytona 500 to the Ten Thousand Islands, Okeefenokee to Okeechobee, and Panama City Beach to South Beach, what caped crusader, high on bath salts, strikes without warning, his trusty sidekick alligator by his side? Florida Man, Florida Man, FLORIDA MAN! Let’s celebrate the colorful native of Florida (America’s wang) with a rousing romp just across the border into a state with nearly-as-bad drivers. Anyone else going to Florida for the InterAm cruise next week?

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: West Hyattsville – follow marks to start!

Hares: Pinocchi-Ho, Special Red, Split Her Bare, Quid Pro Blow, and Papal Smear

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. There will be light shiggy. Eagles will get wet. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp (it’s dark again people!) & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be less than five miles long. Walkers’ trail will be less than two and a half miles long. Florida Man doesn’t measure halves! But if you must know, the trail is more or less even halves, between 2-2.5 miles each.

Last trains out of West Hyattsville:
– Branch Avenue: 11:06pm
– Huntington: 11:08pm
– Greenbelt: 12:05am

On After:Lee’s Bar (feat. karaoke until 11pm!)

Specials: Karaoke!

When: Thursday, September 26, 2019

Where:  Union Station Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  General Tso’s Kitten, (Lickin’) Deetz Nutz, Geriatric Meow-ndering, Tail Mary, Mew-mbo # Hives, Schrödinger’s Cat (maybe alive?)

Virgins:  none!

Visitor:  Mike Man from Seoul, Drop and Tug from Yerevan Armenia, Amerigo Vespoogie from Seattle

On-After:  Union Pub


  • Deep Anal Horizon was violated for becoming the alpha of a new feral cat colony by making his territory all over beer check.
  • Allegedy, Tragic Carpet Ride ran half a block on trail.  You’ve gotta be kitten me.
  • Cum Dumpling was violated because, just like a cat, he is so flexible he can lick his own butthole and, just like a cat, he made eye contact with anyone who dared challenge him while he decided to do this in the middle of a busy H St intersection.
  • Just Gautham looked around at beer check like this wasn’t the friggin’ cat trail and expressed surprise that somebody had “cleaned up” the dead mouse that was there the last time we used that beer check spot.
  • #SquadHoles was violated for freely calling himself a pig on trail.  I mean seriously, that man is a walking roast.
  • Special Red was exceptionally well prepared for trail tonight – with his running flip flops tied on with yarn he was prepared for a cat-toy related emergency at any moment.
  • And finally, a violation for the hares, because the only thing more terrifying, upsetting, and ill-planned than that trail was the trailer for the new Cats movie.

On – check meowt – on,

Stain Catzky

Thank you for renewing your subscription to Cat FactsTM.

Cat Fact # 69: A female cat can be referred to as a molly or a queen, and a male cat is often labeled as a tom. Yasss queen! 

Cat Fact # 1063: The Cat Fanciers Association recognizes 44 breeds of cats.

Cat Fact #1146: A group of cats is called a clowder.

Data limit reached. You can receive more Cat Facts at this week’s trail! There may even be something special for the cats who show up early! 

Bonus: Here’s one of HareRazor’s favorite cat videos.

When:6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Union Station Metro. Follow marks to start. 

Hares: General Tso’s Kitten, (Lickin’) Deetz Nutz, Geriatric Meow-ndering, Tail Mary, Mew-mbo # Hives, Schrödinger’s Cat (maybe alive?)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’. Only “shiggy” is at beer check. Bring a h*adlamp and BUG SPRAY. 

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3.9 miles long (about 2.45 miles first half and 1.45 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance. 

Last trains out of Union Station:
Glenmont: 11:42pm
Shady Grove: 11:28pm

On After: Union Pub
201 Massachusetts Ave NE

Hamilton’s will be hella packed for the Packers game. But at Union Pub, you can partake in the glorious:


  • $13 Bud Light Pitchers
  • $4.50 rail drinks
  • $4.50 mystery beers
  • $5 stella drafts

Kitchen open ‘til midnight! Tip your bartenders!