It’s hot. It’s humid. It’s summer in DC. Cool off with the biggest pool-free pool part this side of the Anacostia. Whether you prefer to BREASTstroke, Doggy (style) paddle, or just hang by the edge, prepare to get wet and wild.


For the second year in a row, we’ll have itsy-bitsy attire and plenty of gummy bears (and also maybe some “teeny weenies” – sorry not sorry). Cum dressed to impress in your bikinis, one piece suits, speedo, tankini, or mankini. 

When: 6:45 PM Thursday June 13th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Waterfront Metro – follow marks to start!

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, L’Chymen, Bitches Give Stitches, Son What The Fuck?!, Heaven’s Gape, Schrodinger’s Cock

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. You WILL get wet! Trail is dog-friendly, and so is on-after, but do you really want to smell a wet dog all night? (Present company excluded). It should be a nice summer night. Pack smartly and bring you water wings & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A. You WILL get wet! Trail is dog-friendly, and so is on-after, but do you really want to smell a wet dog all night? (Present company excluded). It should be a nice summer night. Pack smartly and bring you water wings & mug! Be smart, have fun.

Last trains out of Waterfront (Green Line): Branch Ave 11:46 PM Greenbelt 11:24 PM

On After: Station 4 1101 4th St SW

Specials: Extended happy hour! $5 house wine, house liquor, select drafts and bottles. Food specials here.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a thirsty hasher in possession of a good vessel, must be in want of a beverage.” – Jane Austen
Pride month in DC. Not since Regency Britain has there been such an idyllic time. So don your most festive attire and join the pack as it pridefully pounds its way through NW. You may want to dust off that Pride attire if you have not already done so. Or a cheeky cravat a la Beau Brummel? Up to you!

When: 6:45 PM, June 6th, 2019.  Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Foggy Bottom (Orange / Blue / Silver lines)  – follow marks to start (Washington Circle)!

Hares: Wait Wait, Don’t Fuck Me; Agent Orgy; No Strings Attached; Polly Wanna Crackwhore; Mr. Holland’s Anus; and a Mystery Hare.  

Trail Length: 
Runners:a little more than four milesWalkers: a little less than two miles

Misc. Crap: Trail is A to A. Stroller, dog, everything friendly. Bring a lamp, and a mug, and your Pride. Safety third!

Last Trains out of Foggy Bottom:
Blue to Franconia / Springfield: 11:34 PM
Blue to Largo Town Center: 11:28 PM
Orange to Vienna: 11:42 PM
Orange to New Carrollton: 11:17 PM
Silver to Largo Town Center: 11:15 PM
Silver to Wiehle / Reston East  11:27 PM

On After: Recessions

Specials:  You are my pride and joy  

When: Thursday, May 30, 2019

Where:  Stadium Armory Metro (Silver / Orange / Blue Line)

Hares:  Special Head Kid, Just Roxy, Heaven’s Gape, Seizure’s Phallus, Basement Boy Toy, Melabonin, and Stain Gretzky (that’s me!!)

Virgins:  Just AJ

Visitor:  technically a long-time-no-see-em, Tosh.Homo

On-After:  Trusty’s, where good decisions go to die


  • First, to the Ore-Ho, Son, What The Fuck?!, for buying us Silly Circles.  This is offensive because 1) I take my circles very seriously and 2) because Silly Circles are featured on the “crappy off brands” sub Reddit.
  • Pinnochi-ho was violated for skipping half of trail to snare Special Head Kid, taking his shorts, hoisting them aloft on a giant stick, and then affixing them to a dumpster so he didn’t have to keep holding them, but more importantly, because SHK couldn’t reach them up there.
  • Tragic Carpet Ride was heard commenting that the melty mint julep Jell-O shots looked like a placenta.  First of many questions I have… how do you know that??  And, it didn’t stop me from eating 6 of them and yelling at everyone to help me out on second half of walkers’ trail.
  • The inimitable and resourceful General’s Farm Animal noted that these extremely minty shot checks would refresh your breath both going down and coming back up later.  *retching noises*
  • Our GM, Throbbin’ Hood, was caught demonstrating his bug spray application technique that put bug spray directly into his own eyes… and his hash mug.  Inside and out, he’s certainly making sure that every inch of him is covered!
  • Scooter Kunte, DC-based science teacher that she is, loudly mistook the Anacostia River for a reservoir.  Does she even go here??
  • And a commendation for Just Paul with his giant black beard, olive complexion, and American flag silkies… a look for all occasions, but especially for when you want your dick to say “Freedom,” but your face to say “Detained by TSA.”

And, giddyup, dear reader, we had a very solemn occasion for smurf-handjob professional, Just Roxy!!!

Just Roxy’s a grad student in economics (Go Terps!) and she can’t move backwards.  Maybe It’s Gaybelline is her sugar daddy, by which I mean he supplies her favorite substance to masturbate with (it’s semen).  The meanest thing she ever did was break up with someone because he wasn’t weird enough.  The weirdest thing she ever did was give someone head immediately after anal sex.  She also masturbated in the front seat of a car while her mom was driving.  Some top name suggestions included Kelly-Anne Cumway and The Thin Brown Line.  But because she’s a cougar and has a strong preference for non-white dudes, especially Middle Eastern hotties like Aladdin, Just Roxy shall henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing be known as… They Blow Up So Fast!

On – KaBOOM! – on,

Stain Gretzky