Are you GENERALly excited for a good time?! Do you TSO love warm, cozy clothes + end circles? Well bundle up your DICKENs for this week’s trail. EWH3’s OnSec, General Tso’s Dicken is turning 30 this Thursday! She tells me she would love nothing more than to see everyone gallivanting about in their onesies. 

When: 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: DuPont Circle Metro. Follow marks to start.

Hares: General Tso’s Dicken, Cheech and Dong, Colliteral Damage, Deetz Nuts, GeriatricMandering, Poon-apple Juice, Ready Player None, Schrödinger’s Cock, Son What the Fuck?!

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Pavement pounder. It’s going to be frigid so dress appropriately. Bring a h*adlamp cranium lamp! 

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 3.4 miles long (about 2 miles first half and 1.4 miles second half ). Walkers’ trail is approximately half the distance. 

Last trains out of Woodley Park/AdMo/Zoo:
Glenmont: 11:26pm
Shady Grove: 11:44pm

On After:
Town Tavern
2323 18th Street NW

Specials: You’re all special! Kitchen open late! Tip your bartenders!

When: Thursday, December 12, 2019

Where:  Eastern Market Metro (Blue / Orange / Silver Line)

Hares:  Head Injury; Issues and Tissues, Rail Mary, Rosetta Bone, Special Red, and Unobtainium

Virgins:  Justs Dale, Ryan and Corey

Visitor:  some pudjam-curious harriettes from Hangover H3 – Justs Kiersten & Heather

On-After:  Trusty’s

Violations

  • Little Spermaid was having technical difficulties with her ugly sweater, repeatedly pressing her lazy right tit trying to figure out why it wasn’t turned on.  She also had her ass out on the street near the van at start. I know you can buy lots of things at Eastern Market but I’ve never seen a rump roast on sale there before!
  • Shamrock Your Cock was running late to trail in her very expensive shoes.  Mourning Wood showed himself in desperate need for some Queer Eye for the Hash Guy, mistaking Shamrock’s $500 shoes for crocs.  Go ‘head girl, Shamrock out with your crocs out.
  • Cum Dumpling was caught laying himself to rest on the Indian burial mounds at beer check.  I would violate him but he’s already gone. rip, fam
  • Just Dale just moved to DC and he’s really into cars and guns.  So, ya know, he must be packin’.
  • Woodsie ended up in circle again for wanted to make a suit out of Just Arthur’s skin.  BRO we seriously need to talk about your fashion choices.
  • And finally, I personally violated the hares for laying literally the boringest trail of the year that was so straightforward and not messed up that nobody submitted a single violation to me about it.

And in the humble hollow next to the dumpster and the train tracks we had a very solemn occasion and a Christmas miracle… a NAMING!!  Just Emily made herself come to the hash, but gets other people to make her come in the car on federal property.  She works for the Department of Defense, lost her virginity at Loyola in New Orleans and was thrilled she could tell her mom that she wouldn’t die a virgin.  She’d have a threesome with Captain America and Thor, of course, and I wrote something down about taping grapes to the wall. Sounds kinky. After a bunch of lackluster names, a champion rose to the top of the heap.  Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing, Just Emily shall be known as The Cocktease Falcon!

On – you ever had a BLT on a grilled cheese? it will change your LIFE – on,

Stain Gretzky


Did you know that male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, but female reindeer don’t? So that ugly sweater you have of humping reindeer is a whole lot kinkier than you thought. And Thursday is your chance to Where: Eastern Market Metro (Blue/Orange/Silver Line) – follow marks to start!
wear it! That’s right, for the fifth year in a row, we are giving you the chance to wear your tackiestugliest, or most hideous holiday sweater on a winter wonderland romp!

When: 6:45 PM Thursday December 12th, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Hares: Head Injury; Issues and Tissues, Rail Mary, Rosetta Bone, Special Red, and Unobtainium

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to A’ and is a pavement pounder. No shiggy unless you do something weird. Trail is stroller and dog friendly.  It should be a nice night. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far: Runners’ trail will be approximately 4.1 miles long (about 2.2 miles first half and 1.9 miles second half). Walkers’ trail usually is approximately half the distance of the runners’ trail.

Last trains out of Potomac Avenue (Blue/Orange/Silver Lines)

On After:
Trusty’s1420 Pennsylvania Ave. SE

Specials: You are special