EWH3 #606: The “Assflac will kill ASMA if this trail sucks” Trail, Courthouse Metro

 

Hares: A-Salt My Ass, Chip ‘n Failz, Wanks like an Egyptian, Just Leslie

 

Virgins: Andrew, Gillian, Kim, Matt, Christine.

 

Visitors: None.  Everyone was intimidated.

 

OnOnOn: Caribbean Breeze…oh wait, they don’t like tons of sweaty people with bags willing to throw money at them….so actually First Down.

 

 

OK, so I promised myself I’d never do this, that’d I’d stay a cantankerous hasher and always find a way to bitch, but hats off to A-Salt My Ass– you really must have a lot of free time on your hands because this was a great trail.  Honestly, it took two weeks for the awesomeness of it to wash away so that I could finally sit down and write this.  Yea, that’s it…

 

The pack circled up by the Courthouse movie theater to go and see Twilight Eclipse…er, I mean, to wait for start.  We ran up through some nice urban shiggy, a particularly good hill, and then looped through Clarendon to high-five the yuppies.  The pack ran and ran, at one point slowing down to navigate a bamboo forest, and eventually came to a grinning Chip’n Failz waiting outside of a tunnel with some delicious shots.  Well, I thought, at least they’re going to lube us up before they f*ck us.  We went into the tunnel, which was actually spacious and, if you had a headlamp or were by someone who had one, was actually an enjoyable run.  We came out the other side to have a beer check in the middle of the creek, with cans being tossed from bank to bank, island to island.  Note to self: it is difficult to do your job when half the pack is across the shore.  Other Note to self: it is difficult to do your job when you are generally an irresponsible person in the first place.

 

From there it was a run along with Custis Trail with some nice FRB loops (or, if you’re Big Bang you can just sniff out trail) that ended in the W&L parking garage.

 

Violations

 

Just Dorothy came prepared for head on trail by bringing a fannypack filled with lipstick.

 

Edgar Allen Hoe had fun exploring the metal cervix (or art) at the start.

 

The Walkers gripe about never getting a “real trail” but didn’t go through the tunnel when the trail took them there.

 

Tony Panda took a cab, which was fine because he has a broken leg.  My main concern was that he didn’t have a friend willing to drive him to the hash.

 

Assflac was being a whiny bitch.  ‘Nuff said.

 

Just Brian asked Chip’n Failz what was in the shot because he is allergic to everything- well, let’s see if that includes beer.

 

Wank Like an Egyptian was trying to look like MotorMouth but is not black or loud enough.

 

Dr. Boner ran through the bamboo forest and held everyone up because he was feeling nostalgic about his homeland.

 

Just Morgan brought new shoes, so you know what happened. 

 

Violations from the Crowd

 

We’ve heard of stuffed underwear, but not until Wank Like an Egyptian had we seen a stuffed bathrobe.

 

Compost Pile had the audacity to have a birthday that day.  Asshole.

 

Dickfront Property was violated for being nice…I hate my handwriting…

 

Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock beat a gay man at gay chicken, while Manniple Lichter watched on eagerly. 

 

I’ll Push Backa could not get a manicure because he had a marathon coming up…

 

 

And then, of course, it was that time for that thing with the thing and thing…you know, a NAMING!

 

Just Brennan lost her V at 21, went to UVA and was a Chi Omega sorority girl.  She now works for the DoD trying to solve the war in Afghanistan.   Yea, because referring to it as a puzzle makes light of things.  Her favorite barnyard animal is a horse.  One time, while hooking up in bed the lucky fella’s cell phone rang.  He then preceded to put the vibrating phone near…well, you get the picture.   At UVA she was on the volleyball team and got herself a girlfriend (she ended breaking things off, though, because said girlfriend got “too clingy”).  She showed up to the hash with a giant hickey on her arm, once had sex with a professor in college, and when she was 8 and he was 4, convinced her brother that he was adopted.

 

Names:

 

Bump, Set, Dyke

X Cums Before Y

1 If By Man, 2 If By She

Magnum Cum Louder

Grade A F*ck

Teacher’s Wet

There’s No Pi in Team

Cell Boned

 

After much deliberation, Just Brennan will known henceforth and forever more as 1 if by Man, 2 if by She….(I love history).

 

We drank, sang, and were not allowed at the OnOnOn….It’s cool though, 7-11 has sweet nachos.

 

–Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe