EWH3 #617: The USMC Birthday Trail, Rosslyn Metro


Hares: My Little Pony, Rambutt, Bugs, Ass Ogre


Virgins: Were there


Visitors: Lick Stick


OnOnOn: Jenny’s Asian Fusion



Note to self: attempting to recall information from Thursday on a Sunday, having drank multiple cans of Four Loko over a period of four nights is incredibly difficult and slightly depressing.  ANYWAY…


The pack circled up in a parking lot by the Iowa Jima memorial.  That was cool and all, but threw a wrench in my night early on, as a war broke out in my mind as to whether or not it was OK to pee anywhere close by.  So I chose my pants instead.  Kidding…


The pack took off on a nice tear down to the GW parkway (or whatever road that is), and up over Memorial Bridge.  The straightaway did wonders to accommodate the varying running speeds of the EWH3 pack, expertly keeping us together.  Yay!  More sarcasm!  We then ran to the Lincoln, past numerous tour groups (little kids!) and onto the Tidal Basin where either the pack became 2,006% dumber or the hares decided that flour is a premium and did not want to lay any of it (I suspect the latter).


After milling around for a bit and wondering whether or not Bow Chic-a Bow Bow had gotten himself hit by a car (seriously, where’d you go?!), we finally came to the beer check by the DC-side base of Memorial Bridge.  Obviously, it was myself and my fellow lost hashers who were the dumb ones, as there were plenty of other runners milling around.  Whoops.


After drinking some beer and collecting a bunch of awesome violations from the pack (er…) we headed off and from there it was basically a nice little road race.  As we got closer to Hains Point there was My Little Pony prepping a shot check.  Upon closer inspection, it looked like some fruit punch, V8 concoction.  On closer inspection (i.e. it being put in my mouth) it basically tasted like Frank’s Red Hot and butt.  You’d think that, since I like both it’d be great, but mixed together?  Eh, not so good (I kid, I kid- Frank’s is gross!).


We finished under 395, drank beer, and did not do karate for Cum On Prancer’s sake.




Tits for Tots was violated for being from Michigan, where Four Loko was just banned.  Thanks for ruining my life.


Uh Oh! A Squirty Hoe was at his first hash since coming back from Yemen, which is great for the War on Terror, as there’s one less virgin for a suicide bomber’s paradise.


Coxxx on Demand had a super racist shirt.  Congrats on the Marine Corps Marathon, now drink.


The Hares were violated for thinking the flour is expensive.  It isn’t guys, so use it!

1 If By Man, 2 If By She was violated for not knowing the international hand gesture for “Suck It!”


Big Bang was violated for seeking relationship advice from a 23-year-old-binge-drinking-cant-hold-a-relationship-to-save-his-life-asshole: yours truly.


Just Autumn had a double violation- first, for having hippy parents who decided to name her Autumn.  Second, for trying to pay for the hash in dollar coins.

Just Ryan was overheard telling Mr. Mi-Gag-Me to “stop shivering, you’re getting me aroused.”  I guess you have to take it where you can get it.


Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock did a Century (100 mile) bike ride on his day off for Veteran’s Day instead of what normal people do: sit around hungover and watch porn.


Just Chris wore a shirt that said HIV negative on it, which is usually a given but when you’re him you really need to make sure people know.


Just Keith took 5 bites to eat 1 potato chip- Ladies, be advised, he takes his time when it comes to eating things.


Compost Pile, our resident snuggle-bunny/panda, picked up the speed hardcore when he was around the kiddy tour groups.


I Manual Cunt showed his true Mexican roots when he was jumping over fences around the mall.


Violations from the Crowd


Everyone who went to Kandy Panties’ wedding- suck it!


SWAB and Just Matt’s racism missed my eye.


Uh Oh! A Squirty Hoe is apparently a one-pump-chump.


The Gay Robots (Just Peter/Just Chris) were heard talking about cardio dancing.


Cock Your Suck I Will walked.  Enough said.


Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock was too busy breaking all the rulez (wearing a leather jacket)!


I Manual Cunt came too late for the Halloween Hash, as he was dressed like an hourglass.


…and then it was time for a weekly, er, I mean special occasion: a naming!


The Gay Robots, or Just Peter and Just Chris, were brought into the circle for a dual naming.  Nothing I can write will do this naming justice, as it was one of the funnier things I have witnessed at the hash.  Just imagine two young men with an abundance of ignorant stories between them, talking like robots.  For a long time.  There was poop in pants, eHarmony, gay music, etc etc, but most of the names centered around robots and gay things.

Some Names….


Siegfried and Roy

Tweedle Pee and Tweedle Cum

Fred Ass-stare and Pop-her-azzi

Captain Cock and Splooge

Homo Arigato and Mr. Robutto


Well, when that last one was said, it was pretty much done for.  So now, throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls, F* them!), Just Peter and Just Chris will be known as Homo Arigato and Mr. Robutto.  Ladies, fight amongst yourselves for who got which.


We sang, we drank, we took shots with the waitresses at Jenny’s.


You guys make me giggle,

Whiskey Business

EWH3 Scribe



EWH3 #617: USMC Birthday Trail – Thursday, November 11, 2010 
Where: Rosslyn Metro — Blue/Orange Lines. Dodge tourists and follow marks to the Iwo Jima Memorial.
When: 6:45 PM, Thursday, November 11, 2010. Pack away at 7:15ish. 
Hares: My Little Pony, Rambutt, Bugs, Ass Ogre
Misc: A to Z. Or as your hares put it: A to Shot to Beer to Shots & Beer.  Happy 235th Birthday Marines!  Dog-friendly.  I think I saw some shiggy along the way.  I definitely saw a lot of liquid.  Headlamps are always a good idea.  Runners will be rewarded more than walkers. 
A note from your alpha hare:
Happy 235th Birthday Marines!
“On November 10, 1775, a Corps of Marines was created by a resolution of the Continental Congress. Since that date many thousands of men have borne that name Marine. In memory of them it is fitting that we who are Marines should commemorate the Birthday of our Corps by calling to mind the glories of its long and illustrious history.”
In every clime and place the Marines continuously stand ready.  In this place and clime, the Marine hares of EWH3 stand ready to deliver a trail symbolic of the rich Marine history.  Run, Drink, and Enjoy!
Jenny’s Asian fusion

1000 Water Street Southwest
Washington D.C., DC 20024
(202) 554-2202 

DC Area Upcumming Hash Events:
1) CHECK OUT BeltwayBob Hash Happy Hour http://www.dchashing.com/community/beltwaybob/  Tell them EWH3 sent you and then drink everyone else under the table.


EWH3 #615: Twinkle’s Halloween Hash Bash: Anything But Clothes: Chinatown

Hares: Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Compost Pile, Pee on Your Colada, 6 Pigs in a Blanket, Just Paul, and Shamrock your Cock

Virgins: Just Alex, Nick, Jaron, Marie, Chelsea, Roberto, Erin, Elisa, Anne, and That Guy

Visitors: Banana Condom (Bejing), Lazy Mother Fucker (San Antonia)

OnOnOn: Kelly’s Irish Times

We all met up outside the busy Chinatown metro where, to the delight of the muggles, we proceeded to strip down and suit back up in some scandalous non-clothes. Since security seemed to have an issue with our attire the trail had to be rerouted a bit right from the start. Thankfully we were still quickly rewarded with a delicious shot that one Just described as “Christmas in my mouth”….not sure what kind of Christmases involve everclear and milk but I’m not one to judge. After that it was a long slog down towards the mall where apparently the hares chose a poor color of chalk to mark the trail bc it was pretty hard to find any hash marks and there was a lot of running around in circles. At least this gave everyone an opportunity to show off their rapidly deteriorating outfits. Eventually we stumbled upon the next shot in a parking garage near L’Enfant Plaza. Soon after that we found another shot check that turned out to involve some tasty boxed wine. After slapping the bag it was a quick jaunt across the mall to the ally behind My Brother’s Place where we finally found the beer.

After some more oogling at each other’s lack of clothing we were off once again. Thankfully the rest of trail turned out to be a straight shot to the 395 parking garage. The ice was brought out for the hares that forgot the flour and we drank the rest of the of tasty, tasty everclear shots which made for some very interesting….


Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack’s costume was ribbed for your pleasure.

The Hares for putting on a bad episode of project runway…but hey we made it work!

Mannipple Lickter was looking like a used condom in his costume….lets be honest he’s never had the opportunity to know what a used condom looks like.

Both Hungry Hungry Homo and Slumcock Anywhere were both being hit on by cougars and turned then down….thankfully Wanks Like An Egyptian was there to collect their sloppy seconds

Safeword was caught stripping on the wrong corner and was solicited by a cop.

Just Roberto got carpel tunnel from wanking too much.

Whisky Business had a limp banana…like that’s anything new

The Hares for laying an anything but flour trail.

Just Becky was heard telling Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack “It’s so satisfying!”…must have been the fist time he’s ever made a girl shout that out.

Violations from the crowd:

Put It Out was commended for wearing the proper headgear

Everyone wearing a box because they could not fill them out.

Can’t Find Pussy in a Haystack said “I’d like you to bust my bubble”

Just Eric couldn’t feel the tip.

Then it was time for a regular occasion a Naming!

Just Itamar is from Israel which means he has a sexy accent. He went to Dartmouth where he majored in business and he doesn’t know the mascot (to be fair no one else did either). He works as a products manager for O Power and like sex in the cowgirl position. During some sort of Israeli ceremony he was found by the cleaning crew having sex in the boss’ office. Apparently he did something really mean to an old lady involving an underpass….but I was drunk so all I could hear was hot accent, hot accent, hot accent. Apparently he used a black dildo to masturbate and once received a blow job with teeth and screamed “It hurts!”

Names that didn’t suck:

Krav My Guy

Istanbul Can’t Stand A No Hole

Queffer Sutherland

Yes Sir, Yes She’s Fat

Stop Dude It hurts

Black Cocktember

Henceforth and forevermore throughout the world of hashing (except Great Falls–fuck them!), Just Itamar shall be known as Yes Sir, Yes She’s Fat.

Is everybody happy, you bet your ass we are! Off to the bar we went where we got more drunk and tried to get laid.

My ass is still defrosting

6 Pigs in a Blanket