When: Thursday, July 4, 2019

Where:  Anacostia Metro (Green Line)

Hares:  Special Head Kid, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Red Dong, La Gingeracha, Little Zombie Munch Punch, and Jigglytits

Virgins:  a bunch, but we had no scribe so I’m doing this from memory

Visitor:  more on this later

On-After:  Bardo

Here is a dramatic reenactment of trail in GIF form:

Shade Gretzky

Thursday is the 4th of July, but it’s still a hashing day! So don your most patriotic outfits, cum out to Anacostia and join as we romp through and past some of DC’s best and least know historic sites in our never ending quest to run to great lengths for beer.

When: THIS IS DIFFERENT THIS WEEK. PLEASE NOTE THE EARLIER TIME: July 4th, Circle up 4:45, pack away 5:15 PM

Where: Green Line, Anacostia Metro, Howard Road SE Exit, follow marks to start!

Hares: Special Head Kid, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Red Dong, La Gingeracha, Little Zombie Munch Punch, and Jigglytits

How Far:
Runner’s 1st & 2nd Half: Roughly 2 miles each
Walker’s 1st half: slightly less than a mile
Walker’s 2nd Half: slightly more than a mile

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Shiggy Factor on 1(pavement) to 5 (cliffs and thorns) scale: Hare’s couldn’t quite agree whether it was 3 or 4, so I’m listing it as a 3.5. PI was seen, so wear your shiggy socks. AND BRING SOME $#%@! BUGSPRAY!! Pack smart, bring your mug and headlamp, should be a nice night.

Last trains out of Anacostia:
To Branch Ave: 11:51 PM
To Greenbelt: 11:19 PM

On After: Bardo

Specials: There will be fireworks!

When: Thursday, June 27, 2019

Where:  Takoma Metro (Red Line)

Birthday Empress: Shamrock Your Cock

Hares:  Cum Dumpling, Coxxx on Demand, Infidellatio, Issues & Tissues, and You Can’t Handle the Poop

Virgin:  Just Patrick

Visitor:  Rusty Grundle from Chicago H3

On-After:  Olive Lounge

Y’all this was a very special trail for our very own self-proclaimed “Alpha Bitch” Shamrock Your Cock.  She literally told me this at my second trail ever while I was beer bitching, and she’s remained a hashing icon ever since.  It was her 50th birthday, and nothing says “Hashy Birthday, Fuck You” like getting made fun of in front of all your friends after doing a trail with way too many hills, getting rained on, and having such wet shoes your foot feels like a diaper.


  • Dial F was violated for luring Mourning Wood, Special Head Kid, and Heaven’s Gape to sit on his big wood at beer check.
  • Speaking of big wood, What’s a Boner took a big facefull of it tripping on a slippery bridge crossing.
  • Speaking of things about dicks, everyone was so bewitched with all of the rainbow roosters on trail that Schrodinger’s Cock confused “on right” with “car right” and nearly died because he was, for once, paying attention to a cock other than his own.
  • You Can’t Handle The Poop shared that in the winter time stray cats will come and sit on the cover of his hot tub to get warm.  I mean, the man’s got to get pussy some how…
  • And finally, Shamrock Your Cock as the birthday honoree and woman of the hour received a very special violation on behalf of the hares for their over two mile first half walkers trail.  Because honestly, I can’t blame her for thinking that was a manageable distance for all those times Tony Panda told her what 8 inches looks like.

And no naming, but a HUGE FUCKING HASHY BIRTHDAY to Shamrock who apparently fucked right off to Aruba the second trail was over.  EDub loves ya, baby!

On – the hills have thighs – on,

Stain Gretzky