When: 6:45 PM Thursday, December 27th, 2018. Pack away at 7:15!
Where: Columbia Heights Metro follow marks to Columbia Heights Civic Plaza to start!
Hares: Atari 6900… and literally no one else?
Virgins: Just Calvin, Just Dave Visitors: I Like Your Boobs, Getting Nailed… and some foreigners who literally no one could understand. Also it was cold and the phone wasn’t doing great.
Apparently our hash is a huge destination for the overseas wankers in town for the holidays. I assume that cumming along with us was some sort of anthropological experiment or last effort to really nuke their livers before a dry January.
Immediately after being introduced, Getting Nailed tried to start Jesus Can’t Go Hashing.
General’s Farm Animal insisted he wasn’t compensating for anything, and the ridiculous size of his flask was purely related to his alcoholism.
Finally, The Cumburglar galloped into circle and regaled us with disturbingly re-enacted tale of something involving a horse? Or a whore? Or a houri? Or a sexy horse? Unclear, but there were sound effects.
We needed to be super quiet, and that wasn’t working, so we called it a stealth run on circle and headed over to Town Tavern to get rowdy.
https://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.png00Scribehttps://www.ewh3.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/01/EWH3_logo-No-Background.pngScribe2019-01-08 22:20:372019-01-22 10:15:10EWH3 HASH TRASH, #1104: THE HOME ALONE TRAIL! – THURSDAY, DECEMBER 27TH – COLUMBIA HEIGHTS METRO – (GREEN & YELLOW LINES)
Hares: Tuck Tuck Deuce, Red Vag of Courage, Twinkle Twinkle Little Cock, Sorest Rump, and PIO
Visitor: Just Benjamin Long time no see: More Men and Moose Knuckles!!!
Have you drunk so much that all of the Christmas movies are blending into some sort of unholy jingling amalgamation? Did you end up with a mental image of a bearded misanthrope who would terrorize children and wear funny hats? Perfect, because this trail was all about Tuck, our very own Krotchety Kringle.
The weather was a miserable, cold, Krampus-piss night, and it got everyone in the mood to shout at toddlers and Humbug aggressively.
We started with a bunch of commendations! One went to General Tso’s Dicken! Deetz was complaining about General Tso’s pussy keeping him up allllll night (noice!). Deetz, however, was violated for being inadequate at soothing the insatiable beast.
As beer check was by McDonald’s, there were commendation for everyone who paused to shove something hot in their greedy cockholes!
Sphincter Shy was violated because someone finally managed to make that “not within 60 yards of a school” stick. Congrats on completing your last final, now leave the children be.
Stain Gretzky ran into a pole and then – after complaining – had a bunch of bushes coming at her. Meanwhile, Throbbin’s implement got some sort of splooge all over her. Let’s just say that it’s the wettest she’s been in a while.
And just to confuse everyone, we said something nice to the hares for strategically placing a tit check by some bare-breasted statuary. There is a bust joke in here that I’m too lazy to reach for.
And with no naming and a continuous frigid drizzle, we hied our sodden forms off to Guapo’s for restorative elixirs.