Twenty years ago, a group of hashers gathered outside Union Station, in hopes of getting drunk on a Wednesday (in case anyone ever thought it odd we’re named Every Day is Wednesday and run on Thursdays – we started out on Wednesdays). What they did, instead, was create magic. Join some of those pivotal humans as they share tales of yore and do what they do best – get you drunk!  So don your favorite 90’s clothes (assuming they didn’t disintegrate into oblivion like the rest of that decade), and come out with some of EWH3’s original bunch for a special anal-versary trail!

When: Thursday, December 5, 2019; 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Union Station – follow marks to start!

Hares: Special Head Kid, Poon-apple Juice, Seizure’s Phallus, Mourning Wood

Hares of Honor: Pimp of Sarajevo, Holy Tit!, JAG Queen, Harem Scarem, Mellow Foreskin Cheese, $50 Bitch

Trail length:
Runners: 3.25 miles
Walkers: 1.5 miles

Miscellaneous crap: Trail is A to bar with no beer check – only shots! (but trust me, it’s going to be more than enough shots.) Be sure to get a wristband from Hash Cash when you sign in!

It’s obviously going to be cold and dark so bundle up and bring a lamp and ID. Don’t forget to use your brain and have fun. 

Last trains out of Union Station (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:42 PM
Shady Grove 11:28 PM

On After: Kelly’s Irish Times

Specials: Circle beer will be available until it’s not. After that, $4 Miller Lites and Ciders

This is somewhere about the 15th or 16th year your hares are hosting this trail!  Don’t look to get your marathon training done for the week on this trail.  As the fairest member of your hares so eloquently put it years ago, “You won’t burn off the calories found in one scoop of mashed potatoes and gravy!”  This trail is short and sweet.  Walkers trail is even shorter than runners. 

We will be providing our famous shots of Wild Turkey!  Along with one or 2 other surprises.  Shamrock usually also provides us with a special treat.  This is normally one of the drunkest trails of the year that doesn’t have Twinkle juice!  So come hang out with us and drink your fill during the day and then go stuff yourself with food later.


Pre-Lube: Begins at 10AM at the parking deck.  Bring your own drinks!  No alcohol will be provided from the hash until after trail has started.

Start:  Parking deck above the Continental in Rosslyn, VA

Hares:  Please Step Away from the Whores, Purple Peter Eater, Aeriola Borialis, and maybe a mystery hare or 2.

No On After:  Go home and bother your real family

Metro: Metro is running on holiday schedule so plan on waiting 20 minutes between trains.

When: 11/21/19

Where: Rosslyn

Hares: #Squadholes, Tik Tok it’s Dik O’Clock, Heaven’s Gape, Quid Pro Blow

Virgins: Just Emily, Just Laura, Just Ryan, Just Ray, Just Marline, Just Cooper (woof), Just Ike (woof)

Visitors: One Trick Dick (Syracuse, NY), Rock Sucker (Kigali, Rwanda), Goat Throat (Boston, MA)

Long-Time No-Sees: Poople’s Mountain Majesty, Keebler Shelf

On-After: Continental

What up, my glip glops! Close Encounters of the Rick Kind here, we had a great time getting schwifty at the Council of Ricks Hash!

However, some of you were acting like total Jerrys out there, especially when it came to navigating space and time, so here are some violations in the form of Jerry Awards:  


– Tony Panda was almost late for trail and was overheard saying “Rick and Morty can travel through time, we can’t!” Real Ricks can travel through time and space, why didn’t you use your portal gun?

– Mourning Wood punched in last week’s coordinates for Brew Crew. We almost didn’t get velocitinis at Beer Check. Did Evil Rick hack your portal gun, or have you been hanging out with Doofus Rick too much?

– Heaven’s Gape needed three Mortys to help him navigate the walkers trail.

– One of you Jerrys got confused and asked a homeless person for a shot, thinking it was a shot check.

– Jiggly Tits was called out for needing help traversing a spherical art installation. At least we know that when it comes to their commitment to hash shenanigans, they really goes BALLS DEEP!

– One of you crazy Summers was seen pole dancing on a pirate ship in the park. If she keeps up that booty shaking, that won’t be the ONLY stiff mast around here HIYOOOO!

– Group violation: everyone who didn’t properly follow trail and go down the slide in the park. Real Ricks don’t skip out on adventure!

And finally, Geriatric Mandering, for literally having a name with Jerry in it – my daughter is too good for you Jerry, you’re worthless! I’M the master of this household!* 

*Seasons 1-3 only

Alright, that’s all for this week I’m gonna go take a shit.