When: Thursday, August 22, 2019

Where:  Cleveland Park Metro (Red Line)

Hares:  honestly, only Gunna Probably Spew as far as I could tell

Virgins:  Just Ashraf, Just Ken, Just Tanner, Just Tim, Just Sonia, Just Perry, Just Spencer

Visitor:  Cums For Jesus from Happy Heretics H3

On-After:  Duccini’s for me, Shenanigans Irish Pub for everyone else


  • On this clusterfuck of a trail, even the walkers got shiggy!  Birthday bitch / alpha hare Gunna Probably Spew was violated because this trail had *Stefan from SNL voice* EVERYTHING.  We had logs. We had water. We had thorns. Did he think that just because it was his birthday people were going to be ok with taking tiny pricks to the face without fair warning?
  • Charlie Why, the man who ran trail IN JEANS, took off his shoes to cross the river, and lost one of his socks in said river, was violated for criticizing Deetz Nuts’ grass skirt as “impractical to run in.”
  • Going Bananas apparently has a full social calendar and a science degree since she was heard on trail saying that this was the second day in a row she got wet because of… water.
  • General Tso’s Dicken was commended for founding her own new kennel: Carryout H3.  She was walking around with an entire roast chicken in a plastic container and may I just say…damn girl that’s some nice breasts and thighs.
  • GPS was violated again, after Chippenfailz pointed out that his name clearly has no bearing on his ability to read a map. 
  • And finally, after running trail in Close Encounters of the Turd Kind’s fart cloud, I’d say this was less of an oasis and more Tropic Thunder.

On – somebody needs either a physics lesson or an anatomy lesson if “runners’ feet may get wet” means water up to my taint – on,

Stain Gretzky

Think tropical thoughts as we tour the finest watering holes that Cleveland Park/Adams Morgan has to offer!

When: Thursday, August 22nd, 6:45 circle up, Pack away 7:15!

Where: Cleveland Park – follow marks to start!

Hares: Gunna Probably Spew, Heaven’s Gape, special guest appearance(s)

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to B. Walkers’ trail is everything friendly.  Runners’ trail isn’t particularly stroller or dog friendly. Runners’ feet might get a bit wet. Pack smartly and bring a headlamp & mug! Be smart, have fun.

How Far:
Runners’ true trail is approx. 4.6 miles
Walkers’ true trail is approx. 2.6 miles

Last trains out:
Woodley Park/Zoo (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:26
Shady Grove 11:44

On After: Shenanigan’s Irish Pub

Specials: You’re all so special!

Tired of wearing both shorts AND a shirt on trail? Wish there was a better option? There is!  

 The Romper is truly the Swiss Army Knife of clothing. So join us at Mt. Vernon Square for our own mini romper convention. Don your romper, romphim, or romplette for a trail that will knock your blocks off

When: 6:45 PM Thursday August 15, 2019. Pack away at 7:15!

Where: Mt. Vernon Square / 7th Street – Convention Center – Follow marks to start!

Hares: Poon-apple Juice, Mourning Wood, Schrodinger’s Cock, Colliteral Damage, Ready Player None

Miscellaneous Crap: Trail is A to Z or A(if you join us at the On-After), but it’s downtown so there’s a metro stop every three blocks anyway. It should be a nice night. Pack smartly, bring your mug, and remember your romper. Be smart, have fun, pee before trail.

How far:Runners’ trail will be approximately 5.6 miles for Eagles (3.0/2.6) and 3.3 miles for Turkeys (2.0/1.3). Walkers’ trail is about 2.0 miles total.  

Last trains out of Farragut North (Red Line):
Glenmont 11:31 PM
Shady Grove 11:39 PM
Last trains out of Mt. Vernon Square (Green/Yellow Line):
Branch Ave 11:21 PM
Greenbelt 11:19 PM (Yl) / 11:50 PM (Gr) Huntington 11:23 PM

On After: Tall Boy 1239 9th St NW

Specials: $5 PBR, Narragansett, and Schlitz Tall Boys, Delish Grilled Cheese available all night, Orange food for sale